oh my god..........

[benandoli]

Help I have just found out I am pregnant with number 4. Havent told DH yet he will be horrified as will my parents and in laws. Help.

[TheDoodler]

Congratulations!!!

Horrified good or Horrified bad from DH? Will he come round to it? (he's 50% responsible after all).

Nowt to do with Grandparents (unless they do most of your childcare i suppose).

[benandoli]

well he will be horrified bad. The grandparents do a day a week childcare but to be honest are not getting any younger so we could do with scaling it back ds1 will be nearly 9, ds2 nearly 6 and dd1 neary 3 when number 4 is born. yes husband is of course 50% responsible but I was on the pill and we were on holiday at the time so what with time differences and general crapness on my part I think it is me who is at the greatest fault. If everyone said to me wow great we support you I would be pleased but they wont react like that and I am scared to tell.

[benandoli]

ok so now ive txted DH to tell him , not the best way but I just had to tell him and took the easy way out. He hasnt replied yet....I feel sick. How he responds will determine our lives ....

[WelcometotheJungle]

Best of luck. Hope he says 'yay'.

[mumoffourgirls]

Dont panic, DH will come round to the FACT that number 4 is on the way. Are you pleased that your expecting again?

[sweetkitty]

I'm bouncing my gorgeous no4 on my knee.

Hard work, pain with cars and bedrooms but worth it

congratulations!!!

[benandoli]

I am sort of happy but scared to be until I know about DH!

[benandoli]

also a bit worried about the effect on dd1 she loves her two older brothers and I think likes being the little one.

[benandoli]

sweet kitty how have your other children reacted?

[mumoffourgirls]

I know how you feel, I felt sick when I realised we were expecting number four, didnt want to tell anyone for fear of what they would say but then I thought sod it if im happy I dont care what anyone else thinks. Im sure DH will be pleased after he gets over the initial shock after all 4 isnt much different than 3.

[suitejudyblue]

I have 4 with a 5.5 year age gap between nos 3 and 4 and all the older ones love DC4. When I told them I was pregnant they really weren't interested at all and for the first few months they didn't pay much attention either. I made sure that there was no disruption to their normal activities and never said "we can't do such and such because of DC4". They quite happily accepted another addition to the family and now 2.5 years later they all get on great. When there are arguements and fights they never involve DC4 as the age gap is big enough for there to be no sibling rivalry.
Congratulations and good luck

[TheDoodler]

benandoli - be sure to let us know how DH reacts. Don't worry if it's not how you would wish initially.

"If everyone said to me wow great we support you I would be pleased" Then be pleased - they will come around...how can they not when you have another little bundle in your arms

[sorky]

there will be shock, but it will settle by the first scan.

Take time. My Dh was a bit shell-shocked for the first 6 weeks but started to come around.

I just didn't talk about the pg unless he mentioned it. I think he needed a bit of space to process it iyswim.

No4 is fantastic CONGRATULATIONS!!

[sweetkitty]

No 4 was planned so not a shock, the shock was a DS after 3 DDs.

Mine were 5.10y, 4.4y and 22 months when DS was born so pretty young.

DD1 and 2 were delighted when we told them I was pregnant again, in fact DD1 had guessed when I was about 7 weeks, I told her no I wasn't she said "mummy that's a bump" must have no stomach muscles left.

It is very hard work and I feel very overwhelmed as DS is only 3 months but am sure it will get better (it must right???)

[FoghornLeghorn]

Congratulations :) It'll soon sink in and will be so worth it. I toyed with the idea of 4 for a long time but think we are sticking with 3

[mixedmamameansbusiness]

Congrats and I hope you get the support.

[mrsharrycunningham]

Congratulations benandoli! Hope you got a good reaction from DH.

[warthog]

ah that's lovely

i was no.4 and the mistake. had a great childhood!

[benandoli]

thanks warthog that really gives me hope. DH did not react as expected I expected him to be horrified he is really shocked but being supportive. We just cant decide what to do!

[benandoli]

I am going mad, how can we make this decision. I just don't know if I am a good enough mother to have number 4. Im much too shouty. DS2 is so demanding and lovely at the same time. What about if this one has extra needs, I cant give up work both for my sanity and financially (iwork 3 days a week but no school holidays). The grandparents do a day a week childcare each and will not be pleased. Help i dont think im up to the job but cant bear the thought of killing my unborn child.

[warthog]

you will be up for the job. the most important thing is that your dc's are loved. you don't have to be perfect.

go with your instinct on this one.

[deemented]

Oh love... you don't have to be perfect at all, just be good enough, and you can be.

What's DH said?

[SoupDragon]

I think you answered your question with the very last words you typed. You already see it as a child, not a problem.

I don't think there's such a thing as a perfect mother, just ones that are good enough :)

[benandoli]

DH says he is shocked, scared and excited but thinks for the good of the three children we should maybe think about not going ahead/

[deemented]

What about the good of you though? It's all well and good him saying that, but what do you feel?