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chat and hand-holding for those of us supporting a DH with cancer - new thread for the new year

(742 Posts)
MrsShrek3 Sun 30-Dec-12 19:51:20

sign in, folks smile
Hoping that 2013 brings better stuff for all of us.

Hellenbach Fri 26-Sep-14 22:07:28

Ladies, this thread has gone very quiet. Just wanted to say I am here to listen and help to those who are unfortunately joining us x

drudgewithagrudge Wed 06-Aug-14 14:46:29

Hi Ludoole "Terrifying" is the right word to describe our situation. Sometimes I feel so frightened that I feel like fainting. It's the waiting between appointments that's the worst part I find.

I have some kind,supportive friends but only people in the same situation know how I feel.

Ludoole Tue 05-Aug-14 19:29:13

Hi all. So sorry that there are others in a similar boat.
Dp was diagnosed nearly 4 weeks ago with stage 4 bowel cancer with liver mets and lymph node involvement.
He had emergency surgery as the tumour ruptured the bowel and now has a permanent colostomy.

Waiting to see the oncologist on the 28th and trying to keep positive, especially in front of dp.
its terrifying though!

drudgewithagrudge Tue 05-Aug-14 16:12:43

Hello again. Sorry I haven't been on lately but I thought everything was under control, but it wasn't.

Dh had op for bowel cancer last July. At the time they said he had a small secondary on his liver which they would deal with when the chemo was finished. I sat in the liver consultants office in another hospital a year ago today and that was what he told us.

Eight rounds of chemo later they said we would get a date for his liver op but as the latest MRI showed it had shrunk to practically zero there was no hurry. This was in April 2014.

He had an MRI last week prior to seeing bowel surgeon for check up and all hell broke loose. Most of the liver has aggressive tumours that from the look of them have been there some time.

As one hospital does bowels and one livers they are blaming each other for the delay and frantically trying to cover their backs by saying as his liver is fatty they might not have showed up on the first scan. Rubbish.

They are having a case meeting in two weeks (everyone is on holiday) to discuss what to do next. More chemo, radiotherapy, blocking off blood supply to diseased part of liver in the hope that the good part will grow big enough to keep him going if they operate. If they did it now he would die of liver failure.

They say it is incurable but treatable whatever that means and any op would be in about two months. In the mean time he should do "things he enjoys".

To say we are devastated is undersating the situation. We are stunned. So once again I am throwing myself at your feet ladies for comfort and support. I have to be strong for him but I feel like a zombie today.

Bassetfeet Fri 13-Jun-14 18:18:17

Hi saresy .... I haven't been on this thread before either but have read its wise words and support for a while .
You all must be very upset and anxious indeed . The time before diagnosis is hard very hard. BUT once a diagnosis is made and treatment plan underway life gets manageable and you know what is happening with support from the oncologists and the team. Macmillan support is so lovely and not just end of life care at all. Not at all .

I am older and feel for you very much with young children . My DH was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer 3 years ago and yesterday was out cutting back trees in the back garden.
Treatment now is amazing so do not lose hope at all . So many tools in the tool box these days my love .

Tell us how you are and I am sure others with comfort and wisdom will post to support you and your family . Keep in touch and vent if you need to. X

saresywaresy2 Fri 13-Jun-14 14:21:43

hello, i realise no-one has written on here in while. If any of you are still there i just wanted to check in and say hi and help! we havent had an official diagnosis yet but the fact that we have been given a macmillan nurse leads me to believe that things are not good. my husband, who is 37 and has previously been fit and healthy has had a rough 6 months with back pain and strange rashes and 4 weeks ago discovered a hard lump on his neck next to his collar bone. he had a chest xray and bloods taken at the local doctors which were clear and was referred to to the hospital this week where the consultant confirmed that it is a tumour. He has to have a biopsy and CT scan next week and we will have a diagnosis (or a start of one) and treatment plan on the 24th June. I can't believe this is happening, I really don't want it to, we have 2 little boys aged 7 and 9 who love their daddy. i just might need help and i was hoping someone might still be there with something positive to say :-(

MrsShrek3 Sun 04-May-14 00:59:57

I'm back... how are you all doing?

MrsShrek3 Thu 27-Mar-14 08:48:30

oli I've pmd you

hellen... sigh. familiar story there. hope you can talk sense into him.

olidusUrsus Wed 26-Mar-14 21:21:54

Hi guys - hope you're all doing ok.

I'm thinking of leaving MN and I didn't want to just vanish completely without saying something. Home life is just tough right now and I'm upset and bitter at the whole nature of online forum-ing and how anonymous and un-empathetic it can be unless you're on a designated thread for people who are going through shit... I'm jealous that other people have it easy, in short.

Anyway, I'm not helping anyone and I'm not helping myself. All in all, I wasn't on this thread for long, but thank you for all the support. Maybe in a few months things will be better and I will start to drop in again - I hope things stay or start to get positive for you guys.

Best wishes to you all,
stay safe x

Hellenbach Sun 09-Mar-14 07:15:55

Hi Mrs S, we are okay, stable but DH thinks that means he can return to work full time, but his body thinks otherwise!

He has finally agreed he needs counselling and had had three sessions, so that's positive. He is still very moody and has admitted sometimes he doesn't know if he is imagining he has symptoms or if he genuinely is unwell.

How's things with you?

MrsShrek3 Sat 08-Mar-14 09:30:13

Hellen, how's it going in your world?

Hellenbach Fri 07-Mar-14 20:41:24

Oh my goodness

Inamin - what a shock, I am so sorry to hear about your DH, I am thinking of you and your children, I can't imagine how you are coping, do hope you have lots of support x

Minmooch - heartbreaking news, so, so sorry to hear this.

I wish I could take everyone's pain away, what a sad time sad

MrsShrek3 Fri 07-Mar-14 17:32:52

great minds lisa.... inamin's blanket thread is up. Am on to it, with hugs from all of us in every stitch. gorgeous purple wool.

lisad123everybodydancenow Fri 07-Mar-14 15:05:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lisad123everybodydancenow Wed 26-Feb-14 21:53:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lisad123everybodydancenow Mon 17-Feb-14 09:57:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsShrek3 Mon 17-Feb-14 01:10:25

sad inamin, please keep in touch. here or elsewhere. Understandable if you need to move on. But please drop a line to say how you're doing. hugs thanks

Inaminutenow Sun 16-Feb-14 21:22:10

Hello and goodbye everyone.
The funeral was held yesterday, and even though it was hard, I was ever so pleased with how everything went and especially the turnout. I don't think the reality of it all has quite sunken in yet, so not expecting too much of myself too soon. My parents, brother and some friends came over from Germany, which was nice, and parents are staying for another fortnight now to help out, which will be lovely.
Wishing you all the very best for your DHs, hugs to all. Over and out.

olidusUrsus Sat 08-Feb-14 20:19:08

Sorry handnt read thread so no idea how massively inappropriate that just was, pls ignore.

So sorry about your husband minute

olidusUrsus Sat 08-Feb-14 20:17:42

Does anyone have any knowledge adult continence pad things or know where I could ask about them?

lisad123everybodydancenow Sat 08-Feb-14 00:10:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsShrek3 Sat 08-Feb-14 00:04:29

so sorry sad
shocked. Terrible news.
Thinking of you ((hugs))

Inaminutenow Fri 07-Feb-14 22:28:51

My husband passed away this afternoon. Internal bleeding, which couldn't be stopped. Happened all so suddenly. Can't believe it.

olidusUrsus Sat 01-Feb-14 01:02:51

so sorry min, that's horrendous sad

love and support to you and your brood xx

MrsShrek3 Fri 31-Jan-14 14:57:59

oh min sad
sorry no clue what to say.
you will all be in my thoughts and prayers.

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