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how the heck do I support DH tomorrow if the consultant tells him he has cancer?

(690 Posts)
MrsShrek3 Mon 23-Jul-12 22:57:20

sigh. just that. DH has Big lump in neck. Various doctors, registrars and pathologists looking very worried and saying he "should have been told more". Appointment with his own consultant tomorrow afternoon. Worried sick, but wtf do I do to help him? He doesn't want me to go with him, he;d rather I keep the children with me.

lisad123 Sun 18-Nov-12 12:23:33

Think we will have to think of new name for grumpy husband from chemo. How about GAH, grumpy as hell wink
Sorry thinks aren't great MrS can you just ask? I do and normally they will say but cancer is never a sure thing. sad
Lol at your dh showing off his leg, he sounds like he gets sick of explaining, we know that feeling.
Some very un MN hugs coming to you lovely ladies x

cornykatona Sun 18-Nov-12 15:52:29

grin@GAH
we all have colds here now so fingers crossed that dh gets the go ahead for his chemo tomorrow

Turningupsidedown Sun 18-Nov-12 22:49:12

Love GAH! We will have to have our own acronyms list soon! Sorry you have colds corny, hope the chemo goes ahead.
Odd day today all seems a bit surreal, I can't seem to get my head around what I need to organise for this week.

lisad123 Sun 18-Nov-12 23:16:59

Lists and more lists turning I'm afraid. sad
I'm suffering from a nasty bug and banished to upstairs. Feeling sick, dizzy and horrible migraine sad it's dh turn to look after me and I would give him 7 out of 10. He does well at cleaning house, sitting kids infront of tv and pc and making toast. However instructions have had to be issues and drinks have had to be requested so he goes down to a 7 grin

Turningupsidedown Sun 18-Nov-12 23:46:37

That sounds rough Lisa. Lol at 7 out of 10 grin Trying to do lists, they are turning into a mad sort of flow chart of alternative plans grin Will figure it out!

Hope you feel better soon smile

lisad123 Sun 18-Nov-12 23:48:18

Yes I remember the social stories with different outcomes for dd to follow when it all started. Just keep friends numbers to hand. Where in uk are you?

Turningupsidedown Mon 19-Nov-12 00:12:32

I am in Lincolnshire, we have been going to Leicestershire hospitals up to now, but surgery is in Nottingham. We are 5 minutes from our own county hospital, but they don't deal with any of this there confused so instead it is a 3-hour round trip which is why hospital has suggested I stay there for a couple of nights so I am nearby. My DP's are coming to help for a few days. But DD2 is very anxious about us both being gone and am trying to leave DP's instructions on exactly how things need to be done if you know what I mean wink They do not live close by so don't know all the day-to-day stuff but DM is very good with DD2. DDad and DD2 are ahem two of a kind grin I am probably trying to overplan really I am sure they will all manage!

lisad123 Mon 19-Nov-12 07:32:10

Lol even now I leave lists for my parents after they babysat one evening and "forgot" to do dd2 prayer and story and couldn't get why she screamed for two hours solid confused
It will be fine, just lots of lists, freeze meals if fussy over food and give schools a heads up

MrsShrek3 Tue 20-Nov-12 00:09:39

ohh yes yes yes to lots of lists and tell school - Lisa you really need to write the book smile

Good luck to all those who need it tomorrow. You're all in my thoughts.

Turningupsidedown Tue 20-Nov-12 00:37:54

Hello MrsS how are you tonight (well this morning really)? A book from Lisa sounds like a great idea smile Have lots of lists. Saw your post this morning Lisa (tried to reply but phone ate it) and I did email school, we had told them when first got dx but not updated. Got lovely phone call from DD1 head of year. She has suddenly had big wobble about it all. He was lovely though and they have rehearsed DD2 through using her card to leave the room if she needs to and reminded her who to go to so they are looking after them. Thank you for reminder to contact them smile My DP's have arrived which has caused chaos grin DM writing lots of lists, DF getting in everyone's way.....Everyone gone to bed so I can finally think....! To hospital tomorrow and surgery on wednesday.

MrsS its chemo day for MrS tomorrow isn't it? Thinking of you for that, hope DH is ok for it.

Corny did your DH get his chemo? Hope your colds didn't stop it.

Lisa are you feeling better today?

Daisy Hope things are going well for you still.

Hugs to anyone else that needs them too.

lisad123 Tue 20-Nov-12 00:54:25

Which book would you like, how to handle girls with autism, husbands with cancer or how to be a moany cow grin
Sadly I'm worse today and dd1 joins me on the sofa sad

Turningupsidedown Tue 20-Nov-12 00:58:59

grin all of them probably! Sorry you are still and dd1 is now ill sad I am off to try and sleep. Hope you both start to feel better tomorrow.

turning I am thinking of you today - and willing the operation to go well. Which part of his leg are they working on? Have you been able to think about how you will manage at home with him being non weight bearing? My DF was non weight bearing for nearly a year after surgery very recently, so if you want any practical advice about how they managed - shout!

mrs s Chemo day? Fingers crossed. And also that it's working well. How are you doing?

lisa Hope the bug is leaving - and that the whole house didn't catch it!

corny How are you? Where is the cancer your DH is battling with? I've scanned the thread but can't find it; sorry!

and bird how about you?

We are ploughing on. This is no 4 of what they hope will be 8 treatments - if his body will stand it. I expect it will - he is phenomenal at the moment. Working full time, eating normally - we had his DPs here last weekend and he did so well it reminded me of a time when he wasn't ill. There is a bit of PN which appeared yesterday - we've worked out it was because he spent all bloody afternoon yesterday using a hand held machine which vibrates a bit. The problem with cold (and it has been really bad this cycle - a bank robber had nothing on Mr D!) seems to be passing. I don't know how it is today - he's causing some sort of trouble downstairs and I am loafing in bed grin.

I so hope today goes well for those that need it to. I will be praying for you all.

cornykatona Tue 20-Nov-12 09:33:31

hello all smile dh had his chemo - we still all have colds though! <dasiy dh has bowel cancer which has been removed but it was also in some lymph nodes, so this chemo will hopefully blast it once and for all.>
still GAH wink but that may have something to do with ds still appearing on the landing at 3a.m. last night as he 'couldn't sleep.'
Had a very strange night last night.
ds1 thought it would be a good idea to set the alarm on the ipad and leave it in our room with a secret code, so when it went off at 2 a.m. we couldn't turn it off. I went tearing downstairs half asleep as I thought it was dh's car being broken into.
Then when another alarm went off on the landing at 5 a.m. we discovered that he'd done the same with his ipod which he'd hidden under a teddy. Then dh's iphone alarm went off at 6 a.m.
This will be in retaliation because dh took the ipad to hosp yesterday while he had his chemo. hmm

Turningupsidedown Tue 20-Nov-12 19:46:01

grin at your ds1 alarm antics corny hope things are quieter tonight. We got here just had to swerve to miss car coming towards us wrong way round roundabout shock really nice thing they have let dh stay in patient hospital tonight with me and collect him in morning for op smile daisy tumour being removed from shin muscle being taken from thigh to repair skin grafts to cover gaps from wherever they can find a bit! Will def ask for advice when back thanks hope everyone else ok today and better/had chemo/coping with GAH etc the long wait tomorrow will update when can hugs to all

Birdland Tue 20-Nov-12 20:19:21

Hi daisy, I'm feeling quite a bit better thanks-day 5 after chemo seems to be a turning point for me. Glad you dh is doing so well

Turningupsidedown Wed 21-Nov-12 16:53:42

Hello all hope everyone is doing ok. Dh went down to theatre at 8.30 this morning after a lot of people had measured prodded and drawn all over him and asked a lot of questions for about an hour first. It was a bit overwhelming. He is still in there <sigh> this is a long day. All going ok they have said but a few more hours to go

lisad123 Wed 21-Nov-12 17:00:40

Turning, hope your holding up ok. Please let us know how he gets on x

MrsShrek3 Wed 21-Nov-12 21:05:24

Hi all
Fingers still crossed, prayers and vibes for all who need. I've only skimmed the last page so need to come back and read properly. Hope Mr T is ok.
MrS ok, very knackered as per- but hoping he is doing ok. Too much worry, ds2is derailing and other stuff not going well but tis all trivia in the scale of it.

Turningupsidedown Wed 21-Nov-12 23:22:46

Hi all - quick update- it was about 10 hrs in end they seem happy with it. He is still attached to monitors and oxygen but sats are improving. Repair is still looking healthy and he is not in pain. So all good. Very tired now! Thank for good wishes. smile mrss so sorry sounds like you are having a really rough time sad sending hugs hang in there

cornykatona Thu 22-Nov-12 16:02:43

good news about your dh's OP turning - how long will he be in for now do you think?

MrsShrek3 Sat 24-Nov-12 09:40:04

Fingers x'd for you, Turning. Hope everyone else is doing ok...

Turningupsidedown Sat 24-Nov-12 11:09:21

Hello all, MrsS was just thinking of you and see you have just been on. How are things? They sounded so tough last time you posted, how is ds2? I have derailing DD's here too, it is so hard worrying about all of them isn't it? How is MrS is he getting through this chemo? How long does eash session last, I am not very clued up on chemo stuff......skin and tissue transplants though, I'm now an expert......

Corny, hope your dh's chemo is going ok and blasting away, you too Bird Daisy sounds like your dh is giving his cancer what for, hope his chemo also going well and blasting away.

Lisa, hope you and your dd have got over your bug and no-one else got sick.

MrT is doing well, it has been a really tough few days though, I am really shattered. He got back to the ward at about 7pm and I stayed with him til the early hours as he was really uncomfortable and kept getting tangled in his drip lines etc. Weirdly the worst thing was pains in his arms and on his heel - pressure points and muscle strain from being held in one position for so many hours. One of the nurses doing one of dh's shifts yesterday was actually part of the surgical team during dh's op. She said there were two surgeons for each of his legs. They took the donor piece from his left thigh to transplant to his left shin - it is a bit weird actually looking at it knowing it has moved! Does mean both his legs have had surgery though.

I was glad of the hospital hotel room, I did manage to go and get a few hours sleep once he was more settled. I stayed there until late afternoon the next day and then came home to take DD1 to a school meeting, then the next morning had DD2 to the DP for, can you believe minor surgery on her leg to remove a growth confused Then back to hospital, home again last night. The 3-hour round trip is adding to the stress.

Somehow DD1 had convinced herself it was not really proper cancer and then it suddently hit home when he was having the surgery and she fell apart. She was upset that no-one had spoken to her at school and they had to DD2 (this is I think because DD2 already has support and they know her well and have just ramped it up a bit DD1 always appears to be doing fine so they were waiting for her to ask for help. She said to me 'but mum I am so used to managing and getting on with things myself that I don't know when to ask for help' I felt so sad for her, she is left to get on with things a lot because her sister needs so much more help. But I rang school and they got her in for a chat and she does seem happier now. DD2 curled up in bed with me last night wrapped up in her baby blanket which she always curls up in when she is really stressed. DH is also the football coach for her girls team (well he was) so she has lost him for that too, so lots of tears this morning.

Back to hospital in a little while so will be back when I can. He has got off the oxygen and drip this morning he says so that is good.

Hope you are all doing ok.

MrsShrek3 Sun 25-Nov-12 10:59:39

Hoping mrT keeps up the good work smile so good to hear an update.

Ds2 mentioned, he's in a similar position to Turning's dd, his older brother gets support, and is more likely to deal with it as "just fact" anyway, poor ds2 understands all the implications but has now confessed to not telling me or his dad how sad he feels (we knew, but he wont talk) and cant talk to grandma (dhs mum) as she's sad too.... luckily my mum has found a way in, she hasn't got all that much out of him but still more than anyone else. He's in bitssad

Turningupsidedown Sun 25-Nov-12 21:49:15

Oh MrsS your poor DS2 it is really hard to know they are struggling but they are not able to talk about it. I am glad your mum has been able to get somewhere with it. Is there anyone else he might feel able to talk to? At school maybe? How old is he? It just makes you feel angry and sad that your DC's are having to cope with this doesn't it. It is a b*****d disease for doing this. How are you doing with it all?

I have taken the DD's to visit MrT again today as I thought they really needed to see him. Meant I couldn't stay very long though as had to bring them home again. My DM brought them yesterday but she gets very anxious with the driving so then DD1 was getting stressed helping her to navigate so I did it today. DD1 just wants to hold onto DH while DD2 wants to look at everything and ask how it all works smile

MrT good in himself but he has had a bleed and back on bed rest only. There are patches on the transplanted area that arent' right so the circulation may be a bit blocked. Docs to look tomorrow and they may want to use leeches on it! DH is anxious but thinks the leeches are funny wants to be able to tell people he has had them grin Hoping tomorrow will be better.

It is raining here again so buckets out again for the conservatory roof which srang at least four leaks yesterday. But at least we are not afloat like some. Hope everyone else is dry tonight. smile

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