I thought I was tougher than this, but I am so tearful

(200 Posts)
YouOldSlag Wed 20-Feb-13 19:35:10

Right away I know I am pathetic. I love Mumsnet and its a big part of my life. many posters have given me a spring in my step just by agreeing with me or quoting me, or just by being wise or kind. Or making me laugh until tears flow. Or outlining an opinion I hadn't considered before.

However, and I know this is stupid, but I am being fucking macerated over the manner of how I got engaged on the "People who plan to "Get engaged" thread.

I cannot believe how nasty it has got. I have got really good at hiding threads that upset me in the past, but this one has actually made me go shaky.

I just feel stupid and thought I was better at holding my own, but I feel outnumbered over something so silly. DH and I went to Paris to "get engaged" and that very act has been labelled pathetic and meaningless. It was such a lovely memory for us and it's had me in tears that it has been called "meaningless" and "pathetic".

I'll have to leave as it's actually made me jumpy and lose confidence about posting. Not flouncing, just feel so shaken and daft to even feel that way.

atthewelles Mon 25-Feb-13 15:51:12

Wow, Solesource, I hope you are a bit more careful when your kids come running up to you complaining that someone was 'mean' to them. Or do you just slag off that 'someone' without exploring what role your own kids played in the incident?

SoleSource Sun 24-Feb-13 22:59:35

I would answer but I got to iron the tea towels scottish.

scottishmummy Sun 24-Feb-13 21:59:46

As much as some of you seem to think,it's simply not true that engagement matters to everyone
Unengaged women aren't necessarily sobbing into their single girl latte as no proposal
If engagement matters to you,smashing.but don't assume it's significant to others

SoleSource Sun 24-Feb-13 14:59:07

YouOldSlag

Hey!

thanks

Hide tbread, ignore. You've always got Paris. What theygot? grin

Forgetaboutit x

changeforthebetter Thu 21-Feb-13 14:19:01

Gwendoline! I got engaged in Wetherspoons too! Oh my, was that a mistake- the meal, the beer and the man. The first person I told about our engagement was the bouncer who chucked us out at closing time. Classy,eh?!wink I have no desire to remarry but would happily spend a romantic weekend in Paris. Congratulations OP. Have a brew and <tissue emoticon>

I have been slated on here a couple of times (under other names) . If someone is being provocative then I disengage.

FunnysInLaJardin Thu 21-Feb-13 13:38:20

all this fuss about engagements. Who'da thunk it

FakePlasticLobsters Thu 21-Feb-13 12:55:23

YOS - I am sorry that you've been upset and I hope you are feeling better now.

I took part in the other thread and it was for the most part an interesting discussion on at what point a couple becomes engaged, rather than a thread designed to macerate the way you and your husband chose to do it.

It really wasn't about that, criticising what you did by going to Paris with both of you, and your friends and family, being aware of the reason why, it was simply meant to be a discussion about people's opinions on when a couple who decides to do something like that actually becomes engaged. If you've agreed to go and get engaged, aren't you actually already engaged then and there?

Although some posters on both sides did get quite harsh with each other, I don't think that was athtewelles intention when she started the thread and you yourself did start out by saying 'bollocks' to people who disagreed with your way of doing things. Although I took that as a lighthearted 'bollocks' before things got out of hand. I'm still not surprised that you are upset about the "pathetic and meaningless" comment though.

Also, in atthewelles defence, she has been told a couple of times on her thread, to come here and look at yours, so she shouldn't be criticised for coming and doing so.

atthewelles Thu 21-Feb-13 12:54:04

No one's trying to 'bite her'. Some of us are just saying that there are two sides to every story and that the OP is just giving her own version which is not a 100% balanced version of what happened.

FanjoForTheMammaries Thu 21-Feb-13 12:45:37

You lot are like a pack of dogs chasing the op and trying to bite her <throws bone away from thread so you all chase after it>

scottishmummy Thu 21-Feb-13 12:35:01

Of course op giving a skewed poor me account of thread,to drum up aww poor you
That's the point of flouncers thread,cry youve been hideously treated,all too much,threaten leave
Sit back wait the awww Hun they is all jealous cows,and ego stroking, job done

MrsWolowitzerables Thu 21-Feb-13 12:31:20

People are more than able to read the other thread and see for themselves.

I've read the other thread and although I thikn it started off harmless enough, the OP was treated terribly by some and I can understand why she feels upset.

Her engagement was called pathetic and meaningless. That is hurtful and although my engagement was very different from hers, I'd be hurt by those comments despite initally agreeing with the OP.

atthewelles Thu 21-Feb-13 12:25:48

Because I think she's being unfair to other posters and not giving the full picture. That is upsetting too.

MrsWolowitzerables Thu 21-Feb-13 12:24:28

What Fanjo and Worra said.

It got mean and someone got upset. This is Flouncers Corner not AIBU. Why jump in here and try and make an upset person even more upset? hmm

atthewelles Thu 21-Feb-13 12:15:05

I think this thread is a bit misleading. Youoldslag was quite aggressive on the other thread and posters, including me, restated our case. She was the one who initially swore at people (for no particular reason). One poster did get quite nasty towards her, I would certainly agree with that, and called her engagement 'pathetic' but YOS is giving the impression that buckets of people came on the thread directly slagging off her engagement. That didn't happen. Even the person who used the word pathetic came back on and said she was wrong to have used that word.

To be honest, this is a case of someone dishing it out and then running off crying when people respond.
I'm sorry YOS is upset but I do think she's giving a skewed version of what happened.

FanjoForTheMammaries Thu 21-Feb-13 12:13:09

Herbyvore speaks much sense

EvenIfYouSeeAPoppy Thu 21-Feb-13 12:09:54

happen, not happyn. Am always making that typo <sigh>

EvenIfYouSeeAPoppy Thu 21-Feb-13 12:09:31

The thing is, you are engaged from the moment you agree to marry. What 'engaged' means is 'no longer available for proposals of marriage from anyone else'. What you and your dh did, YOS, was to celebrate, or perhaps formalise, your engagement, recreating an idea you had of a romantic proposal. That's fine, if that's what you want to do. But if you knew it was going to happyn, it doesn't make you engaged when you were before.

I haven't read all of the thread in question, but I suspect that it what people were trying to point out.

HerbyVore Thu 21-Feb-13 11:58:06

And my post was more relevant on the previous page, obviously.

'scuze.

HerbyVore Thu 21-Feb-13 11:56:28

You know the question that often gets asked on here about saying stuff on here that you wouldn't say in real life, because, you know, in RL it would be rude and hurtful?

You do have a choice you know? - Even more here because you have time to think while you're typing so you could avoid inadvertantly putting the boot in?

Just a thought.

WorraLiberty Thu 21-Feb-13 11:35:07

YOS I've just caught up with that thread and all I can do is echo what others have said...don't let it get you down! thanks

Your engagement sounds lovely - not 'meaningless and pathetic' at all.

I don't know what's wrong with some people.

For example, I personally don't get the point in parents Christening their babies when they're in no way religious but if they're happy, I'm happy.

I would never call it 'meaningless and pathetic', that's just rude.

NigellaTufnel Thu 21-Feb-13 11:24:43

OP I'm sorry you are feeling put upon.

I think there are two issues, mainly the first about your engagement. Anyone's opinions about it are irrelevant. As long as you and and your DH are happy, that's all that matters. No one really cares, and it should be no comment about you, your DH, Or your marriage.

However, the second is the flouncing. I'm sorry but I think you were quite punchy on the other thread, bordering on a bit rude about anyone who disagreed with you.
You kept stating you case, and then if anyone remotely criticised you, you waded back in filled with indignation.

If you feel you're getting upset at a thread stop poking it with a sharp stick.

LeoniPoni Thu 21-Feb-13 10:41:09

I read this quote a while ago and it was something like "the internet allows people to be whatever and whoever they want to be" and I was thinking how sad it was that so many people want to be mean.

There are lots of things I don't do or don't understand but I try and not be all judgey about people who do.

Some people plan to get engaged. So what? Oh god, I've just bored the pants off myself. We all know flaming someone over their engagement is stupid. So I'm off to find a good old troll or Daily Fail journo or something...

peedoffbird Thu 21-Feb-13 10:38:52

YOS I have read the thread but not much of this one. You seemed to steam in with a very aggressive attitude from the start. I think you rubbed posters up the wrong way and I didn't think you got flamed anyway.

Why do you care so much about this? MN is about expressing opinion and should be done in a reasonable manner although feelings can get in the way of this. YOU were the one whose feelings ran away with you. Perhaps you need to look at your part in this too.

From your sleeve! How clever! grin

FanjoForTheMammaries Thu 21-Feb-13 10:17:11

I'm all about the love <whips out flowers>

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