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Feminism: chat

Feminism: sex and gender

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Original poster

Teenager refused toilet for heavy bleeding

120 replies

greasypolemonkeyman · 07/02/2024 15:31

I'm wait hoping that somebody can help me.

My teenage daughter has horrific periods and is currently under investigation for it with the DRs etc. She has a toilet pass issues by the school.

Today she leaked as she sat down in her last lesson. She raised her hand with the teacher who fully knows her issues and was told to go to reception and ask for the toilet to be opened. The toilets were locked and are always locked apart from break and lunch time. Two different members of reception staff refused to open the toilet for her as that's not "process". Plus there were boys waiting to use the use the toilets and so they had priority over her even thigh the toilets are separate sex.

. She started bleeding through her clothes and they still refused. She had to call my adult daughter who got a change of clothes and at the point my eldest arrived the deputy head had just allowed her to go to now unlocked toilet.

My adult daughter gave her a change of clothing and told her to get her stuff, she wasn't staying in a school that knew about her issues and had even issued a toilet pass, but still denied her access to the toilet when she had blood soaking her clothing and rubbing down her legs. It was 25 minutes before the end of the school day at this point.

Where do stand with this? Surely toilet access when you have gynaecological issues, a girl takes priority in going to the toilet over a bunch of boys? The reception staff just kept repeating that it's proccess and so that's that. In the mean time my youngest daughters uniform looks like she's been butchered and she is devastated that this was discussed so loudly by reception staff sitting as she was stood with blood running down her legs and pulling in her socks and shoes.

OP posts:

Delphinium20 · 07/02/2024 15:35

We usually think of period barriers being in developing areas or deeply patriarchal cultures. Guess misogyny creeps into "1st world" countries too.

Tell the school, in writing and copy whoever administers the school, the way they handled this was appalling.

lalalala2 · 07/02/2024 15:38

As a lifelong sufferer of heavy periods I really feel for your daughter.
I would 100% make a complaint

Etherealcelestialbeing · 07/02/2024 16:11

I can't believe what I've just read. I would be furious. Ask for a meeting with the head or pastoral lead tomorrow.

Outline your DD's need for access to toilets. Remind them that she is having medical investigations for this.

Ask why she is a lower priority than the boys
Tell them how detrimental this is to her self confidence.

They have not met their duty as her caretakers here.

Etherealcelestialbeing · 07/02/2024 16:13

Did your adult DD say anything to the reception staff when she collected your poor DD?

The school cannot have a policy or process that discriminates against girls in this way.

Gazelda · 07/02/2024 16:16

So what exactly is the 'process'??

Jesus, you must be absolutely livid. Your poor, ooor daughter. I'd email the SLT and her form tutor with full details, insisting on a meeting tomorrow.

They are not supporting her wellbeing. It's irrelevant they boys were waiting. They should be enabling your daughter to maintain her dignity.

tsmainsqueeze · 07/02/2024 16:20

I am outraged for your poor daughter , i cannot believe that in 2024 we are hearing this again and again.
I think i would be possibly looking into legal advice for something as discriminatory as this.
What on earth were the receptionists thinking ?

Coffeeandmarmaladetoast · 07/02/2024 16:21

I can't believe how they treated your poor dd. How would those reception staff feel if they were in that situation. They showed a lack of common sense and empathy. I'd 100% complain about this, you need to be able to trust that your dd's human right to dignity is being respected while she's in their care.

WonkyFeelings · 07/02/2024 16:22

I would be absolutely livid.

HashtagShitShop · 07/02/2024 16:22

Point out the alternative is her coming out of school for at least a week a time every month if the school can't be trusted to let her use the toilet for a basic human right ESPECIALLY with known medical issues. Would they rather that? And not penalise her for the attendance problems because it's their fault that they cannot meet the most basic of adaptations? If the staff were female, how can they keep telling her no whilst knowing at least some of what the poor girl was going through?

Sadly I understand entirely. I had to change doctors at 18 to finally be listened too about my too heavy and too painful periods and be given medication and investigations for them. I'd bleed through both forms of protection worn at the same time and my clothing within an hour on the heaviest days. Send her our love and tell her she's nothing to be embarassed about. I hope the head bollocks the reception staff for not using initiative, schools don't hand out toilet passes for no good reason.

WhatNoUsername · 07/02/2024 16:23

That is disgusting. Regardless of any rules or process or toilet passes, what type of person looks at someone as blood is staining their clothes and pouring down their legs and refuses access to a toilet. Ffs. Do they have no empathy.

And there should be no rules on let access anyway. If there are behaviour issues in toilets, the school needs to deal with that, not limit access. You shouldn't need a toilet pass and ALL girls in particular should be able to access a toilet as and when needed.

MajorMorgan · 07/02/2024 16:24

This is shocking and I would be making a serious complaint if it was my daughter.

ChardonnaysBeastlyCat · 07/02/2024 16:25

What sort of savage lets a girl bleed through her clothes and does nothing to help her?

I'll be complaining.

Allmarbleslost · 07/02/2024 16:27

I would be so livid op your poor dd. I think it's formal complaint time. The schools complaints procedure should be on the website or ask reception.

Notamum12345577 · 07/02/2024 16:27

Some school receptionists seem to think they are in charge of the school.
i would be demanding a meeting with someone, wouldn’t bother with the head of year or year pastoral leader, I would go higher

Original poster

greasypolemonkeyman · 07/02/2024 16:28

My eldest daughter went into reception and she clearly heard the staff in the corridor off/next to reception taking down to my youngest and repeating " It's procedure" and "this is the process " while she was sobbing standing next to the locked toilets. She said they sounded mocking and uncaring. My eldest also went to this school and she knows a lot of the staff and so I believe her , normals she is 100% on the side of authority. This sadly is not the first time I've had issues with the school over my daughter's periods. They have routinely denied her access to the toilets despite her having a toilet pass ( that i had to beg a head of year for) and medical proof that she has incredibly heavy periods that are under investigation.

OP posts:

chosenone · 07/02/2024 16:28

I sympathise. I’m a teacher and have had an awful leak in a class had to ring reception to ask for cover which didn’t come for 20 minutes whilst I sat leaking in a chair 😔 your DD has had a terrible time but I would bet that the ‘process’ has been abused by many.

However, the toilet pass would mean instant access at my school. Sadly the locking of the toilets etc is normal and increasingly needed due to vandalism, bullying, vaping etc. I would send the incoming detail to the head/safeguarding lead/pastoral lead/ teacher etc and explain that you need to talk to someone in person regarding this. We have made a few contingencies for girls in this situation at our school, disabled toilet key/ workroom near private toilet etc

Citrusandginger · 07/02/2024 16:31

No advice, but you're poor DD. I'd be fuming.

GrumpyPanda · 07/02/2024 16:31

Sounds like clear-cut sex discrimination and I would raise it in those terms.

Coconutter24 · 07/02/2024 16:33

That is absolutely disgusting behaviour from the receptionists. If DD had of gone and stood there with blood pouring out of her nose asking for the toilet to be opened would they have just left her there with a face full of blood? I’d hope not so what’s the difference apart from area of body? I’d definitely make a complaint about that especially as they know she has a toilet pass. Yes procedure is to unlock toilets at break and dinner but surely if someone comes with a toilet pass it’s procedure to let them in!

48wheaties · 07/02/2024 16:33

Absolutely. Complain to the school governors too. The "process" sounds like a load of bollocks!

NotARealWookiie · 07/02/2024 16:37

This whole locked toilets bullshit is ridiculous. Your poor daughter. Do make a complaint.

im also imagining how awful this would be if you needed to have diarrhoea.

ISpeakahDuolingo · 07/02/2024 16:37

That's awful. What a callous bunch of witches to stand by and let that happen. Good on your other daughter for taking her out of there. My complaint would be long and loud.

Princesspollyyy · 07/02/2024 16:37

But what did your adult daughter say to the reception staff? I hope she had stern words for them?

Was your younger daughter crying? This is totally unacceptable.

bradpittsbathwater · 07/02/2024 16:38

This is disgusting behaviour from the school. Please report.

Princesspollyyy · 07/02/2024 16:38

NotARealWookiie · 07/02/2024 16:37

This whole locked toilets bullshit is ridiculous. Your poor daughter. Do make a complaint.

im also imagining how awful this would be if you needed to have diarrhoea.

lol, nobody 'needs to have diarrhoea'

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