am extremely upset and feel horrible please talk to me

[eenybeeny]

sorry to post this

I have been under a lot of stress lately much of which I have posted about. My grandpa is dying in a country I can not visit. We are having a lot of serious money problems. My son is going through a very trying stage emotionally and it is a very fragile balance with him so I am spending all my energy trying to keep him happy.

I have a really truly terrible job. I work as a waitress 2 nights a week. Yes I know that isnt much. That isnt what this is about.

Before I had DS I worked in admin then I didnt want to go back to work during the day so got this job. I am now training to be a registered childminder which is what I really want to do but will obviously take time to get started.

The main reason my job is so awful is the assistant manager who is always there hates me and she is truly abusive and mean to me each and every time she has the chance.

She swears at me, she has called me a fucking idiot for making a very simple mistake. She routinely excludes me from speaking to the other employees. If I stop working for even a second to get a drink she shouts at me and orders me around even though almost everyone there takes cigarette breaks and does drugs while at work (I do not do those things I hasten to add) She is really awful.

Months ago I started having proper panic attacks each time I had to work. At the time I was working 4 days a week so we cut my hours down. (hence money problems) Then I had to start taking diazapam just to stay together during a shift as she is really that bad to me. This woman is like no one I have ever met before.

Anyway I just phoned in sick. I have a migraine and I feel awful. Also it doesnt help that DS has had a very hard day and I dont look forward to leaving him even though I am only leaving him with DH. But nevertheless I do have a migraine. Anyway I told her I couldnt come in and she started swearing and saying "thanks a lot for that" and then hung up on me. I am so upset. I dont phone in sick often. I havent done so in ages. And I am really really good at my job when I am there I work very hard and dont mess up. I am just so upset. I dont know how to cope. I know what she is doing is illegal because it is major bullying in the workplace but I feel I havent got a case against her as I have never done the whole "write down what happens" thing for evidence.

And I can not afford to lose my job right now and also will find it hard to replace it. I just dont know what to do. Am at the end of my tether now.

[Bucharest]

Can't you speak to her manager?

[eenybeeny]

well they are pretty much best friends. its a very "in club" kind of place. They all go out get pissed and do drugs together. I am the odd one out. I just work there because the money is good.

[NotABanana]

Quit.
Now.

No amount of money is worth this.

Go to your GP and get signed off sick, you will get some money while you work out what to do.

Write down everything she has ever said or done that she shouldn't and do not let this person bully you for another second.

[Tortington]

phone acas they will be abe to give you some advice.

[Marne]

Is'nt there anyway you could find another job, if this was happening to me i would have walked out along time ago, your health is more importent than the money.

[eenybeeny]

thank you. I am so scared. We are having such bad money problems. A few months ago we had £150 left over each month and were happy and comfortable. Now we literally dont have enough to go around. We are doing a weekly shop on a pitiful budget. I am putting up notices to do pet sitting to try to get some more cash and like I said I want to be a full time childminder but I am so afraid if I lose this job we will literally starve or get thrown out of our house or in debt. I am terrified.

She has been so awful to me. The amount of times she has sworn at me or humiliated me in front of others. Its awful. I am not a pushover or anything I just feel an immense pressure to bring in food/petrol money. DH's income pays all the bills.

[eenybeeny]

It is hard to find a job in the evenings around here. Sad thing is I have worked for years as a PA and administrator, I am not thick or anything but I feel all I can do now is waitressing or work in sainsburies which doesnt pay half as well as what I earn. My passion is children anyway. I am very eager to work as a minder.

[eenybeeny]

custardo thank you for the link am phoning now.

[Flier]

You've probably lost some confidence in yuor own abilities, being spoken to like that.
Surely, if you managed to get anotehr job you liked, you could work the 4 days/nights and be back earning the same money?, as you said you'd to cut back on your hours due to this workplace bully. Is the restaurant part of a chain, ie could you take it to someone more senior?
As someone else said, speak to acas and see where you stand, you can't let this bully do this to you.

[eenybeeny]

yes it is part of a major chain. its a very well known pub restaurant. I will check out sainsburies and tescos. They are the only things around me that I could work nights in as far as I know.

[Tortington]

you welcome - please let us know what they say

[Flier]

They will maybe have a personnel dept, in that case. Do you have anyone that can back up your side of things?
Hope you get on okay, speaking with someone at acas, and hope you can take this somewhere, like constructive dismissal or something.

[Bucharest]

I see (re manager and higher manager) Hope you get some joy from Acas....take care..x

[eenybeeny]

I will. Am on hold now listening to lovely music.

I dont really think anyone there would back me up. I know it sounds like I am exaggerating or something but they are all really tight with each other and all keep each others secrets. Most of them are still lovely to me. Its just this one woman who is pshycotic!

[eenybeeny]

the advice I got was to write a formal letter of greivance and let my employer try to make it right. If they do not then I should quit and 28 days later go to an employment tribunal for constructive dismissal. She also advised I find another job ASAP. The thing is I dont feel I can ever go back there. I am so broken by this.

[Tortington]

you have two options

stay and fight and get good money

leave - better woking conditions - shitmoney

you ave t ake a decision before you go forward.

how short erm is ths anyway> how long til childminding things come throuhg?

[Flier]

could you go to your gp and get them to give you a sick note for stress and speak to him about the bullying? Might help to build up a "case" for any tribunal.

[eenybeeny]

I think it will take 3 months for me to become a registered childminder.

I will do what I have to do to provide for my family but the thought of ever going back there and seeing her again makes me feel physically sick.

[Tortington]

3 months isn't that long - i would do as the previous poster suggested and geta sick note.

follow the acas advice whilst off sick - and see if you can get the nitch sacked

[Sawyer64]

Eeny, have you thought about doing Avon or Betterware,sometimes you can earn a fair bit doing this,and take your Ds with you.I did that when I only had my DS and was a Lone Parent.Theres no set up costs I believe,all the costs are taken out of your earnings gradually.You get to meet alot of people,might also help later on when you set up as a Childminder.

Or sometimes Telesales jobs are in the evenings,or insurance etc.With your PA and Admin background,you would have the experience.

Have you tried the website WorkingMums,they have jobs from home,not all are suitable,but even some of the Part-time jobs might be suitable.

I would definitely leave your job,its definitely not worth the aggro and grief you are getting.Try to see this as a temporaryrough patch,we all get them.

I have 3 DC, and I'm a trained Nurse,but I'm struggling to make ends meet at the moment,but things can change,and will if you keep a positive outlook, and get a new job,and a fresh outlook on life. Good Luck Eeny!

[cheeset]

The job was making you ill. How can you cope with 28 days there? They would need to reassure you that the manager would be watched by them. Do you feel confident this would happen? If not, do not go back. Get signed off due to stress bullying.
Good luck

[eenybeeny]

thank you all. I just spoke to a legal advisor that ACOS put me on to. He thinks I should go straight to head office and report all the drug taking they do there and also the bullying. I am very very very hesitant to report the drug taking as it could get these people in major criminal trouble and some of them are a bit dodgy and I would probably fear for mine and my sons safety. What would you do if you were in my position?

He also said he doesnt think I earn enough money to qualify for SSP - so although I could get signed off I wouldnt be getting any money coming in so would be screwed really. Is this true? How can I find out for sure?

If I can get SSP I will not go back there. I will look for another source of income (to tide me over til I can childmind) while I am on sick leave. I honestly dont think I can go back there.

[Flier]

do you ever go onto www.moneysavingexpert.co.uk? there are forums on there and there should be someone there who can advise you on SSP and if there are any other benefits you may be entitled to.
hth

[eenybeeny]

thank you - I will look at that site tonight. I am so overwhelmed about this whole thing.

[eenybeeny]

I am normally a very take charge kind of person. Not used to being in such a flap!