My partner and I have a baby girl who is almost 14 months. My partner had a major depressive episode during pregnancy that I had to nurse her through and she has other health issues.
Our relationship has become increasingly strained over the last six to nine months and I have become aware of increasing hostility, irritability and anger from her. I have done everything I possibly can to help and to be a hand-on father but have been sniped at, criticised, attacked and subjected to all sorts of passive aggression endlessly. It has had a huge effect on my mood, especially as I took over a year off work to help her with her illness and child rearing.
A number of weeks ago she behaved really bizarrely one morning and said she was so angry with me she could hardly look at me. When I asked why the reason she gave was so utterly ridiculous that I felt I had dropped down a rabbit hole, It led to a conversation in which she admitted to having experienced feelings of enormous anger towards me for quite some time since the baby was born. She said she realised it was unfair and that I didn't deserve it and that she hated feeling this way about me. This was a major reason for her decision a few months ago that we should split up and I should find a new place to live. I was absolutely gutted as I love my partner and adore our little girl.
I tried to research the causes of her extreme anger because it was utterly unjustified and so uncharacteristic of her. I came across sites that said a less known but well recognised symptom of post natal depression is huge anger, resentment and hostility towards the partner and irritability. The descriptions of the type of anger talked about seemed to match perfectly what my partner described. When I looked more carefully I saw that there were a lot of other symptoms of PND present that I hadn't really noticed before. I am pretty sure that my partner has PND and it has torn our relationship apart. The sites I have been reading talk about this, warn it is a real danger in undiagnosed PND and that if PND is suspected no major decisions should be made - especially about relationships - until the PND is treated as the conflict in relationships is often caused by the depression rather than an underlying insoluble problem in the relationship.
I have suggested to my partner that she has PND and many symptoms but she insists that she has considered this and that she is fine and resents me suggesting she is mentally unwell. I am worried that she just cannot see clearly at the moment and I know many women develop PND and don't realise how skewed their thinking and perception is. When she has been depressed in the past her perception of the past and future has been really wonky yet she couldn't see it.
I feel utterly helpless in trying to help my partner and in trying to stabilise this situation. I don't want to lose my family and am terrified that she will look back later and regret this decision hugely.
Can anyone who has had experience of PND please give me their thoughts? Does this sound familiar to you? Did you have this type of anger or hostility towards your partner? Did it work out? Did it destroy your relationship? Did you survive it?
Any feedback gratefully received.
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Mental health
Partner denies she has post natal depression.
Domitianus · 27/07/2016 11:09
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