Need help fast

[CKMUM]

I've been feeling low on and off for weeks, eevn months now but the last couple of weeks have been unbearable. I have been told prozac are ok when breastfeeding but would rather stop feeding than letting my daughters (I'm tandem feeding) getting drugs but would feel so guilty if I gave up feeding, feel gulty enough that eldest broke her wrist last week. I have also tried to keep a close eye on her but I was changing really bad nappy and she fell badly.

I have always said that even though I feel suicidal often I would never do it because I have 2 children to think about but as she has broken her arm I feel Im such a bad mother they should be with someone else anyway

[thecattleareALOHing]

You need help fast, you are right. Lots of women take antidepressants while breastfeeding. the medication hardly transfers at all the baby and all the evidence is that the good things in breastmilk - not to mention the beneficial effects of a happy mother - far outweigh any theoretical risk of these miniscule amounts of medication that may get through to the baby (though if you are tandem feeding I see no harm in stopping feeding the older one at least tbh).
I hardly think there is anyone at all on MN who hasn't had an accident with a wriggly baby - both my babies have fallen off the bed and dd fell down five stairs the other day. They were both fine. You were just unlucky.
Please go to your GP. How old are you dds?

[busybusybee]

I truly think your kids would prefer their real mummy even if she isnt perfect to a situation where their mummy isnt around anymore

Please be assured that your kids love you more than they can tell you

Hopefully another MNetter will come along soon with more helpful advice

Hugs to you BusyBusyBee

[busybusybee]

My kids have had more accidents cos of my careless not thinking than they have cos of their own making - so please dont feel too guilty about dds wrist - it will get better

[busybusybee]

My kids have had more accidents cos of my careless not thinking than they have cos of their own making - so please dont feel too guilty about dds wrist - it will get better

[foundintransleightion]

Here's another one whose baby fell off the bed. My fault. He had a bump on his head but was fine. Especially when you're dealing with two, accidents sometimes happen.
The feeling that you're a bad mother is your depression talking. It isn't the truth.

[foundintransleightion]

p.s. I just have the one and still had an accident!

[Screwballmuppet]

Another one for dropping baby.....I dropped my baby whilst sat on a swing, he hit his head on the woodchips thankfully but his head still swelled up we went straight to A & E.
Things happen!!!! It doesn't make you a bad mum!!!!

[CKMUM]

eldest is nearly 2, youngest 9 and a half months. Stupid thing is its just little things that are bothering me. I am so regretting moving to oxford.

Its so expensive here, water rates, heating a 3 bed house etc. I het housing and council tax benefit but if I stat work and stop getting benefit there is no way I will pay rent at nearly 300 a week. Also I have been feeling physically ill for the last year and find it so hard to cope with all the housework, child care and going up and down stairs all the time.

Youngest has bad reflux so is always needing cleaning up and changing and I cant keep on top of the washing.

Cooker is landlords and doesn't work; I have my own cooker but his is fitted so I can't take it out and use mine.

Boiler keeps conking out,
garden not secure and keep getting people cut through from park behind my house, coming past my window, looking in, through to my front garden dogs come in and mess in my garden and get into rubbish bags and make a mess
house is damp
ever since we've been here we have had constant coughs
landlord useless at repairs
loads of drawers in kitchen that cupboard catches dont fit on so always worried about daughter trapping fingers

really want to move back to birmingham but nowhere to go; moved here to get away from husband but he found out where I was and is back on the scene anyway

[thecattleareALOHing]

When you say back on the scene do you mean you are seeing him again? Why did you move so far to get away from him?

A lot of these things are small and/or fixable - the suicidal feelings are much more profound and I think you need help with these. Are your family in Birmingham?

What are your physical symptoms? Depression causes a lot of physical symptoms.

[XXXXXXXX]

you need to realise that you are the best thing for your kids, bresatfeeding or not. see you gp, have a talk and see about meds. re some help at home and someone to talk to, what about the home start scheme? you should find out about that from your council.

[CKMUM]

Im not seeing him as in back with him but he hangs around all the time, follows me when i go out, doesn't like me going to the family centre or groups, says hes taking the children off me cos I'm useless. The house is also a pigsty, when I was a single mum to one I managed fine and house was always immaculate, i just don't manage to find time or energy for everything now and husband says children shoul live in a tidy house.

Was going to get a home start volunteer but she was scared of him, they have said theres another one who may be able to help but not very often as she has other commitments.

Dont have much in the way of family around as I wasnt brought up by them but have othe support in birmingham and cost of living much less so didnt have the financial worries

[XXXXXXXX]

sounds like all you insecurities havr come from your ex, bas**rd. children dont need a tidy house, just a loving one.

[CKMUM]

I keep fluctuating between being terrified he'll get custody of them to hoping he does because I can't cope with them

[XXXXXXXX]

you can cope - it is him who is making you feel that you cant and i think it is very unlikely that you would lose custody.

[feastofsteven]

agree with other posters about seeking help for your depression. speak to Women's Aid; they can offer both practical and emotional help to help you get away from your controlling ex.

[CKMUM]

whenI first moved here I was promised all kinds of support from womens aid but it never materialised

[cab]

Have you tried infant gaviscon for the reflux? Ask doc for plenty on perscription cos it's a bit expensive.

[feastofsteven]

sorry that you haven't found Women's Aid as helpful as you had expected. Do you have a supportive HV at all. Most important thing tho is for you to deal with the depression.

[CKMUM]

hv supportive to start with now just leaves me to get on with it

[feastofsteven]

you need to speak to her and explain how bad you are feeling. of course the last thing you will want to do atm is to assert yourself, but unfortunately you do need to scream out for help to the health professionals to get noticed.

[vitomum]

You have an awful lot going on for you right now. It is no wonder that you have got to feeling so low. It is important that you get some more help about your depression. Some of the thoughts you are having are not rational - of course your kids need their mum and of course you are a good mum, but a mum who is stuck in some really different circumstances at the moment. That you feel they may be better with someone else is a sympton of your depression and you must seek help with this. Your ex-p's behaviour is abusive and i am so sorry that womens' aid have not provided the help you hoped they would. It may be worth contacting them again as sometimes the service people get from WA is patchy - like a lot of things it just depends who you get. There may be other better workers there than the ones you have already contacted. Are there any other womens' support projects in that area? You should also get some housing advice. You want to return to Birmingham but have no-where to go. As a woman fleeing domestic abuse you could have rights to temporary (and possibly permanent) accommodation from the council (even if this is just to give you time to find an alternative provate let). I would suggest that you contact Shelter - their website is good and they have a freephone number. They can provide you with advice about your housing options. It must be so tough on your own, in bad housing and with your ex-p whittling away at your self esteem too. This is why you are finding it hard just now. You know that you have been the kind of mum that you want to be before things got so hard. You can get back to that but you will need some help.

[thecattleareALOHing]

Your husband (please make him your ex!) can just fuck off, frankly. He's a bastard and I would suggest you get an injunction preventing him from harrassing you and bullying you.
See a solicitor asap ( you can get legal aid) and call the police when he starts following you. It's stalking and it is ILLEGAL.
Sorry you've been let down by women's aid. Talk to teh domestic violence unit of the police. It IS hard for women in your position to get help, I know, and it is sad and shocking that this is the case.
There is no way on earth your children will be forced to live with this man - just forget that. he's saying it to bully you.

[CKMUM]

and now I've just crushed my finger and my nail's gone black!

[7777777]

hi ya ckmum you are a brill mum and just to make you feel a tiny bit betr, my 14th month old just tumbled down the stairs from top to bottom and got a few lumps and bumps but ok, thank goodness. see, accidents happen, its your ex making you feeling inadequate as a mother. i agree the cattlearecoming that you should get an injunction out, i had one years ago to prevent my ex h coming near me...it worked. i also suffer from terrible anxiety and depression and it has got worse over the last 2 years since the pregnancy and birth of son no.2. i was fine as a single parent to no.1 son, we were really loving and close and happy and now i have no time for the elder one coz of little ones health and i feel like im constantly "getting at him". being a single parent is bloody hard work isnt it, but i havent got the added stress of a thoughtless, nasty ex. poor you, can you not move back to birmingham?

[7777777]

p.s hope your finger is not too painful!xx