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My dd's nursery teacher at the end of the Very Hungry Caterpillar used to say "and he then had very sloppy poos!" - very amusing for 3-4 year olds to hear such rude words.
Little Women, Know Your Place Water Babies, Skinny Dipping for Beginners Black Beauty and Other Naked Lovelies The Magic Faraway Tree and 100 Other Mushroom Trips for Recreational Users Guess How Much I Love You, the Kama Sutra Made Easy
Hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle the cow jumped over the mooncup the little dog laughed to see such fun and the dish ran away with a spoon fucking dish what a bitch luring him away like that she is a fucking spoon-teasing whore etc
Clarice Bean, Don't look Now (But your skirt is tucked in your knickers) I Will not ever never eat magic mushrooms again I am absolutely too small to need Spanx
Each Peach Pear Plum, Tom takes it up the bum, Up the bum, in the cupboard, with a dildo and Mother Hubbard Mother Hubbard in the cellar, going down on Cinderella. Cinderella on a stair, look her fanjo's completely bare! Bare fanjos torn asunder, all because of Baby Blunder Baby Blunder's not asleep, to GFord's routine we keep. GFord over the hill, firing rockets at Jack & Jill Jack and Jill in the ditch, a threesome with the Wicked Witch Wicked Witch over the wood, I'd sh*g Robin Hood Robin Hood his merry men are lady boys (no fanjos then) Fanjos, mooncups, Sainsburys (c*nting) Where the fcuk is Baby Bunting? Baby Bunting out in town, drinking beer and falling down. Beer and wine, wine & red, mummy's p!ssed, she's off to bed.
Cat Shat in the hat!!! Snort! And yes, I do snigger at Green Eggs and Ham.
I did make up Each Peach. Sadly it's one of BabyDragon's favourites and I'm not sure I'll be able to read it any more without adding "where the fcuk is Baby Bunting?" BTW, there's a typo in the last line, obviously the second "wine" should be "white"
The House at Pooh Corner has lots of visitors. That's because, at the weekend, it's a knocking shop. (IS anyone else feeling slightly heldback after reading Soupdragon's work of genius?)
'Hush, Hush Whisper, who dares. Little boy sits at the foot Of the stairs Blood on the curtains and Blood on the mat Christopher Robin's castrated the cat'
Was reading A.A.Milne to dd2 earlier and thought of this thread . So here is my homage to A.A.Milne
They're changing guard at Buckingham Palace Christopher Robin went down on Alice
Diana had a dildo with a great big knob on. She invited all her friends round and she showed them what it did. On Wednesday and on Saturday, Especially on the latter day, She gave them all a go with it, then charged them twenty quid.
This is the story of three little foxes Who didn't wear trousies and they didn't wear sockses They shagged each other senseless and they didn't use johnnies And they had to see the doctor to clear up their poxes.
My mum used to read me an Enid Blyton book she had as a child: The Adventures of Mr Pink Whistle Can't, for the life of me, remember the plot but the title has, curiously stuck in my head.
Version for the modern day: Mr Pink Whistle signs the Sex Offenders Register Mr Pink Whistle and the Daily Mirror Slur Campaign
