Positive stories about bottle feeding

[nearlythree]

Think we need a thread like this.

I couldn't bfeed dd1 and it nearly sent me mad. But we'd had a lousy time, I was ill and looking back I can see that stopping bf and all that surrounded it helped us to bond. She's happy, healthy and very bright.

I managed to bfeed dd2 for two yrs. Ironically she's the sickly one, but I loved bf.

Now I have baby ds. He has a tongue tie and I got so sore. Maybe I could have carried on but with two very sick dds I concluded that they needed me, too - dd2 is still a baby herself-, and gave up. And you know what? I've found that there are more important things than bfeeding.

Dh is bonding with ds. We all get more time together. And dh and I get time to ourselves, which benefits our kids as our relationship is better.

Anyone else?

[Chandra]

I agree with you but at the risk of being bombarded with nasty comments of people who do not pay attention to personal circumstances I'll better keep my mouth shut.

But very glad things worked out for the better, I agree that although BF is a great thing, there are also many other important things about motherhood.

[nearlythree]

Thanks, chandra. I know in a way I'm inviting trouble starting this thread, but hope that there are enough outlets here already for those who want to make ffeeders feel bad. I just wish that when I had to ffeed dd1 I'd had positive stories about ffeeding to help me see the bigger picture.

[mogwai]

oh, dd and I had a lovely time of bottle feeding. All that gorgeous gazing at each other, all those hours of sleep while dh took his turn. She's almost 13 months now, a great eater (and yes, she will eat whole florets of broccoli) and she's strong as an ox.

Wouldn't change a thing. These hysterical breastfeeding threads are hilarious. Those of us with lives and perspective just get on with our own business.

[LaDiDaDi]

LOl mogwai ! Hysterical breasfeeding threads! i only wish that I could stop myself from posting on them .

[mogwai]

it's not worth it. Bunch of arse.

[Lemmingswife]

I bottle fed both of my boys & don't feel bad at all. It was my choice to bottle feed & they are healthy & very much loved.
There is an awful lot of pressure put on woman to breast feed, but if they do not feel it is for them or does not work out for them, it is not the end of the world.

[Chandra]

Please Mogwai, don't act the way some of them act, each to their own...

[mumandlovingit]

nearlythree

you probably have already ahd all the help that you need regarding the tongue tied situation but if you havent i thought id just let you know that a friend of mines child is tongue tied and they were recommended dr browns/b free bottles so that baby could feed easier and not get so upset whilst feeding etc.shes using them and thinks they're a god send.get them in boots/other chemists etc

[mumandlovingit]

no offence intended.just thought it could be useful to know.i couldnt breastfeed for medical reasons and these bottles were also recommended to me for various other reasons/conditions my children had

[mummydear]

nearlythree -- well done for posting a thread like this to balance the 'debate'.

Helps people make the choice if they wish , or gives them encouragemnet if they have no choice .

[nearlythree]

Thanks, mummydear. There doesn't appear to have been a lot of response though. Wonder if people feel afraid to post here?

Mogwai, I so agree, I think I bonded earlier with my two bottle-fed babies partly because they gazed up at me when feeding, whereas dd2 didn't even focus until she was four mo as all she ever looked at was the crook of my arm! And dd1 will eat really healthily whereas dd2 is very picky and likes junk. Also dd2 has been much more ill than dd1 and is now anaemic. Out of dd1's peers who were breastfed, they all have eczema to some extent - she hasn't. I could go on...

I know that for some people there seems to be no advantage in bottle feeding, particularly if they are ffedding against their will. I know how that feels, I so wanted to bfeed dd1. But strangely when I give ds a bottle I get happy memories of bottlefeeding dd1. I was holding my precious first born - of course they were special times - I just wished I appreciated taht at the time.

Thank you mumandlovingit, so far ds is doing okay with avent but I used Dr. Browns for dd1 and they are great for windy babies too.

[mogwai]

I strongly feel that it's unhealthy to get hung up on feeding, whether that's breastfeeding or bottle feeding. Many people have issues with food and I wonder where they begin. I deal with feeding difficulties as part of my job and sometimes the difficulty is that the child has an issue about food which has stemmed from the parents' behaviour or from the parents' feelings about food.

I have issues with food. I came from a family where some foods were used as treats/rewards. There was a real emotional element attached to food and I've always struggled to keep my weight under control as a result.

We have two very good friends who have breast fed their children and have become evangelical about it. I have seen them keeping detailed notes about their breastfeeding, fretting about weight gain, struggling to express and struggling to wean off the breast.

I admire their perseverence, I really, honestly do, and in breast feeding their children, I think they have given them a better start than I gave my daughter by bottle feeding, but I don't feel remotely guilty about it.

However

Both their children (who are now aged three and four) have issues with food. One has been thought to be intolerant to many different types of food, has been seen by various holistic therapists, prescibed dietary restrictions and handed an expensive bill. These restrictions have done nothing to help the child's difficulties and food has become an even bigger issue. She now eats no fish, few vegetables and mainly survives on mashed potato.

In the case of the other child, his mum was extraordinarily proud of having breastfed him and this was the beginnning of a real obsession with feeding which has led to him having all sorts of behavioural issues around food and mealtimes.

My point is, whatever you choose, it's the being evangelical and obsessive about it that worries me. I'd say I'm pretty balanced with my daughter - she's never had anything other than home cooked food and I'm very careful about nutrition, but I'm not going to have a cow if someone feeds her chocolate buttons or of she doesn't want to finish her meal because feeding just isn't going to be a big issue in this house. She may have been formula fed for six months longer than the two other children I mentioned, but she now eats a far more balanced diet, which I presume is the more preferable end result.

I see a lot of support for breastfeeding on MN and I think that's absolutely brilliant. From reading these posts, I see that people don't always get the right support when they need it and give up on breastfeeding when they might otherwise have continued. There are some really excellent posters (eg tiktok) who offer balanced views and encouragement.

On the other hand I also see a lot of "evangelists" who seem hell bent on arguing their POV or making bottle feeders feel bad about their choice, which presumably gives them some sort of superiority kick. I do wish bottle feeders could feel more confident about their choice, or, when it wasn't actually their choice, could feel less guilty.

It's so sad to see grown women, mothers, justifying themseves to other mothers because they feel bad. It's tough being a mum and we are all doing a good job and need reminding of that more often!

[MrsBadcrumble]

I'm not afraid to post, I just don't have that much to say on the subject!
I mixed-fed for 4m then bottle-fed for 8m. I was very very upset for a while about not b'f-ing. Bottle-feeding was easier than that in the beginning then grew into an enormous faff. I liked the eye-contact early on, and the fact that dh could do it, but tbh the best thing about it was that my baby didn't waste away and die, as he would inevitably have done quite quickly had formula not been available.

[my2shoesare2hot]

i tried to bf ds but after 5 days had to give up as it just didn't happen.never tried with dd as she was in sbu and knew it wasn't practical.
i bonded really quickly with ds I don't think how i fed him made the slightest bit of difference, dd was different but I won't go into that. but I have two lovely children (11 and 14) and although I have great admiration for people who bf I feel for people who don't and have other peoples opinion shoved down their throats day in day out.

[KatyH]

I think the pros and cons should be weighed up for every case before deciding what is best and in some instances I think the benefits of formula can far outweigh the negatives. I chose to bottle feed my dd because I produced hardly any milk and she wouldn't latch on. The first weeks of her life were marred by sadness, frustration and panic. I know a lot about the benefits of bf and the drawbacks of formula but I weighed it all up and thought that in the grand scheme of things it just wasn't worth the heartache to persevere. I accepted the higher risk of gastroenteritis, eczema etc etc in return for being able to savour those precious moments with my gorgeous girl and develop a bond that will hopefully contribute to her psychological wellbeing in years to come. If I was in that position again I would do exactly the same.

How much research has been done on the long term effect bf/ff on the mother and child's mental health. I had a friend who persevered with bf against the odds (inc bleeding nipples) and the whole time her ds was feeding she would shout and scream at him, calling him a c*nt!! You cannot tell me that that is healthy! She's now a bf counsellor!!

If my decision means that my dd dies when she's 80 instead of 82, then so be it. Life is for living not for seeking some state of absolute physical perfection. The phrase 'get a life' springs to mind

[sparklemagic]

oh, katie, I think I have read too much of these feeding threads, but I cannot stop laughing at the woman shouting and screaming profanities at her poor baby now being a bf counsellor...oooh dear....oh my gosh...

That's up there with an acquaintance of mine who had the most awful, messy, damaging divorce who is now a relate counsellor!!

I shall be laughing for ages....

[liquidclocks]

While I accept the research that says breast is best and I'd be lying if I said there wasn't an element of disappointment/guilt that I couldn't follow through with BF DS1, there have definitely been fantastic benefits of FF:

My DH totally enjoyed feeding him
My mum's enjoyment of feeding him was amazing for me to watch (made me see her in a whole new way)
No leaky breasts to worry about
I got a break and me and DH got to have the odd whole evening off!
When I fell down the stairs from the top (holding him) and broke my coccyx I was actually able to take half decent painkillers and continue functioning!

oh - and he survived (not just the stairs but lfe in general)!!!

[KatyH]

sparklemagic - she even had the cheek to more or less tell one of my other friends that she was a bad mother because she gave up bf at 4mths!! Some people have no insight into themselves at all!!

[sparklemagic]

I've still got the giggles.

[Pixiefish]

I am still bfeeding dd and have never bottle fed her but I have to say that a happy mummy is more important than a sad mummy and feeding choices should suit mummy as well as baby

[liquidclocks]

Katy - at your friend, doesn't she thin LO's can pick up on mummy's emotions or has that piece of research slipped her by?

Definitely agree that a happy (healthy - mentally and physically too) mummy is better for baby than one who's unhappy and screams at it.

[KatyH]

She must know because I've seen some of the literature she gives to clients and it doesn't seem to include a list of handy swear words

However, she still thinks she's better than all those selfish ff mums.

[nearlythree]

Katy

I couldn't pick poor little dd1 up when I was bf becuase she caused me so much pain. When we stopped I could finally love her properly.

With ds I knew I'd made the right decision when he woke in the night for a feed and I felt sick until I remembered I'd switched to bottlefeeding.

Loved bfeeding dd2 but I am bonded equally to all my kids. And dh definitely struggled with dd2 until after she stopped bfeeding at 22 mo.

[KatyH]

I remember that feeling too. My stomach would lurch every time she cried, however I have a much stronger memory of the happiness I felt at seeing her little milk-drunk face when she finally got a good feed!

[nearlythree]

Not just them either, I ate my first meal for over a week ( a bit of toast) once I stopped bfeeding dd1. We need to be fit and well for them, too. And having been wiped out twice with mastisis I know how hard it is when we're not.