A love story : Living without my beautiful red-headed Mia

(996 Posts)

This love story began before Mia was born, intensified when she entered our lives, and it will continue to burn strongly forever. Mia is my red-headed flame, my sweet pea, my noisy sprite. Mia is joy, she is love, she is every good thing you can imagine. And I am so incredibly proud to be her mummy.

Yet she is gone. Mia died totally unexpectedly last October at the age of 13 months. Impossible, but true.

We miss Mia’s cuddles, her weight and her little legs curled around us, her face against our cheeks and her warm arms around our necks, the soothing pats on the back that she would give us as we in turn patted her. She was intimate, coming to us, arms raised, for a reassuring cuddle, but then with a smile, content she would wiggle free, independent and inquisitive about everything around her, exploring her world, looking in cupboards, peeking between the banisters as she climbed the stairs and just revelling in her existence.

I have tried to estimate how many times a day we kissed Mia. Picking her up, putting her down, dressing her, feeding her, washing her hands, just because… it must have been hundreds. Equally, we always made a point to tell Mia every day just how much we loved her. We know she listened.

I cannot begin to adequately describe the love that we have for our little girl. I can only ask you to imagine the most perfect feeling of love and warmth that you can, to double its intensity, and extend it to infinity and you are still not even close to the amount of love that we shared with Mia every second of the her 13 months.

This is her story, and mine, and my reality.

I've got an angel
she doesn't wear any wings
she's got a heart to melt your own
and a smile that just makes you want to sing

This is one of the songs we chose for the celebration of Mia's life. I remember going in, holding the beautiful flowers we chose, walking beside DH, as he carefully cradled his beloved child in her casket. One of the last duties of a father, one which never happen. I am crying now at the memory, although at the time, both of us were dry-eyed. We wanted to honour Mia fully.

Today, this was the final song in my gym class. The teacher said that anyone who couldn't do the position could instead do "child's pose". Tears flowing from my eyes, I knelt face down to the floor in this gentle position, and mourned my beautiful girl.

fannybaws Sat 19-May-12 12:31:32

Miasmummy I have read your lovely posts about Mia she is amazing and so are you.
I was in the car the other day listening to radio 2 and it was thought for the day and the man ( of god, not sure which god smile ) was talking about death and how our relationships do to end when death comes. He spoke so beautifully and it made so much sense about how true love does not diminish but is eternal.
It really struck a chord with me.
The person who died for me was my grandfather he was elderly and had alzheimers so i was happy that he passed, so very different and in the natural order of things. I miss him every day but the perfect true love that he had for me and I for him lives on.
And i know that he will always be with me.
I will see if I can link to it he explained it much better than I can.
Much love to you.

fannybaws Sat 19-May-12 12:38:00
pookiecat Sun 20-May-12 14:52:16

Carry on with your thoughts and beautiful words. We are hear listening, love and light xxx

Flubba Sun 20-May-12 16:07:54

sad

Doobydoo Sun 20-May-12 16:17:01

XX

BerryLellow Sun 20-May-12 16:19:48

Lovely words, wishing you strength for the time ahead x

Tamdin Sun 20-May-12 18:08:17

sad
Thinking of you x

hermioneweasley Sun 20-May-12 18:14:53

She sounds gorgeous. Xx

likelucklove Sun 20-May-12 18:24:35

I read some of your previous thread but found it too difficult to post. I am so sorry that you are going through this. It's not fair. My heart breaks for you and tears are streaming, your posts are do moving and beautiful at the same time. The inquest will be hard, but you will get the answers you need. My love and thoughts are with you, your DH and family xxxxx

BikeRunSki Sun 20-May-12 18:58:05

Your writing is as beautiful as your daughter.

bikerunski My writing is inspired by my beautiful daughter, so any credit must to Mia herself.

fannypaws thank you for that link. Our broadband is down at the moment, so relying on my iPhone - but will definitely listen to that thought of the day. I do believe that Mia is with me in some form. I just wish, wish, wish, I could have her joyful little presence here to hug and kiss, to feed and play, to learn and watch.

An unexpected note arrived from a friend, just to say she was thinking of Mia. It was accompanied by this poem...

Missing but never gone
In hearts and minds forever
Always smiling, impish, joyful

Mia we love you
Mia we miss you
Mia come home

Sunbeams on red curls
Laughter fills the air
A world of delight for one without cares

Mia we love you
Mia we miss you
Mia come home

The world's greatest explorer
Each day new adventures
Once more you lead the way

Mia we love you
Mia we miss you
Mia come home

Nothing more to say, is there?

tinkerbel72 Sun 20-May-12 19:42:59

I am sitting here in tears.
Keep talking, keep writing, keep loving.
Your beautiful daughter's spirit lives on in your words.

Consort Sun 20-May-12 19:55:23

You are such a beautiful Mummy for keeping Mia's spirit alive.

I too lost my beautiful little girl last February, except she died at birth. What I would give to have seen her smile, to hear her coo, or even to hold her again. I miss her so much. Thank goodness she sent her little sister to be with us. I feel her presence often, and hope you do too with Mia.

Thinking of you, and hoping you get some answers from the inquest. Bless you, Mia.

I find myself waking each morning some time between 5 and 6am, and lie there, fully awake until the alarm goes off. My first thought is always of Mia. I had wondered if i woke because of the sun rising, but my waking time isn't becoming earlier each day as summer approaches.

This morning, I had the sudden memory of Mia waking around similar times, crying for a little feed. I'd pop her in bed with us, where she suckle happily for some minutes, and she would snuggle down between us, little nappy-clad bottom in the air, with hands touching her mummy and daddy on either side. I would wake later, with a little head nestled on my shoulder, soft pink cheeks and long lashes so peaceful, and an arm thrown across my chest. It was the best feeling in the world.

Maybe sub-consciously, I am remembering those special Mia mornings. I certainly long for them.

consort I am so sad to hear that you have also lost a daughter, but that you now have her little sister. I do feel Mia often, but it's not the same as having her here in front of me.

I just don't understand. I never will. Love you so much, my noisy toddler girl.

Consort Tue 22-May-12 02:36:51

I'm so sorry Mia isn't with you. It doesn't make sense. I wish it was different. She sounds like such a lovely little girl. I loved your story about her crawling into bed with you. Keep keeping her beautiful spirit alive. xx

stickybean Tue 22-May-12 03:01:35

Please know another person out there is thinking about your beautiful Mia Alexandra and has been touched by her through your wonderfully eloquent writing. I can't imagine your pain. She was so lucky to have you both as parents just as you were lucky to have her. I wish she was still with you xxx

BikeRunSki Tue 22-May-12 11:12:32

I never know what to say on this thread Mia'sMummy, but please know that I think of you every time I hold DD.

dubaipieeye Tue 22-May-12 12:47:42

Hi Miasmummy,

I'm so pleased you have started your new thread, it is a continuing privilege to share a little of Mia with you.

Love, light and hope for the future

XXXXX

Today I received a very flattering invitation from a friend, something she has considered quite carefully. She has asked me to be the godmother to her little girl, the little sister to her son who was born around the same time as Mia. She said that she would love me to be her little girl's godmother because she really admired how I mothered Mia, how I encouraged her to try new foods, how I allowed her to explore, how she felt I was so relaxed with my mothering style... it all just seemed very natural to me, but as I think she is a lovely mother herself, I feel really quite honoured. A wonderful accolade to Mia too.

Flubba Tue 22-May-12 20:52:35

That's wonderful news, and her reasons sound perfect. smile

Seven months ago the day started so joyfully. Who could have the universe was about to shatter?

Mia. I love you always. I carry you in my heart, sweet pea. X

monstertufts Wed 23-May-12 14:28:54

I have weaned myself off Mumsnet as I was spending far too much time reading the forums - but I wanted to log in again and let you know that I have been thinking of you and Mia. Such a darling little girl and you are a wonderful mum. xx

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