A love story : Living without my beautiful red-headed Mia

(995 Posts)

This love story began before Mia was born, intensified when she entered our lives, and it will continue to burn strongly forever. Mia is my red-headed flame, my sweet pea, my noisy sprite. Mia is joy, she is love, she is every good thing you can imagine. And I am so incredibly proud to be her mummy.

Yet she is gone. Mia died totally unexpectedly last October at the age of 13 months. Impossible, but true.

We miss Mia’s cuddles, her weight and her little legs curled around us, her face against our cheeks and her warm arms around our necks, the soothing pats on the back that she would give us as we in turn patted her. She was intimate, coming to us, arms raised, for a reassuring cuddle, but then with a smile, content she would wiggle free, independent and inquisitive about everything around her, exploring her world, looking in cupboards, peeking between the banisters as she climbed the stairs and just revelling in her existence.

I have tried to estimate how many times a day we kissed Mia. Picking her up, putting her down, dressing her, feeding her, washing her hands, just because… it must have been hundreds. Equally, we always made a point to tell Mia every day just how much we loved her. We know she listened.

I cannot begin to adequately describe the love that we have for our little girl. I can only ask you to imagine the most perfect feeling of love and warmth that you can, to double its intensity, and extend it to infinity and you are still not even close to the amount of love that we shared with Mia every second of the her 13 months.

This is her story, and mine, and my reality.

Flubba Wed 16-May-12 21:53:41

I'll be here by your side MiasMummy I'm here to listen to your words of love for Mia who we have all grown to know. I'm here to listen to your words of sorrow for the tragedy that befell you and your DH and I'm here to listen to your dreams.

Love, peace and light as ever.

x

AlanMoore Wed 16-May-12 21:55:45

sad what a beautiful post. I am so sorry for your loss x

Tamdin Wed 16-May-12 22:08:23

Thinking of you and Mia. True love x

Cassettetapeandpencil Wed 16-May-12 22:15:17

In tears reading that. So beautiful. I'm so so sorry for the loss of Mia sad

Lilyloo Wed 16-May-12 22:19:16

I have seen some of your posts about Mia, they are so beautiful and descriptive. I cannot imagine the enormity of her no longer being here, all my love x

GRW Wed 16-May-12 22:20:51

Your love for her is not diminished just because she isn't here any more. I am here to listen to your tributes to your precious daughter, and wish you peace.

WineOhWhy Wed 16-May-12 22:27:36

I have just looked at your photos and am crying absolute buckets ( and I am really not the type to do that). I just cannot begin to imagine your loss - looking at the photos I cannot believe that little poppet has gone. She has really touched me. Thinking of you.

fluffypillow Wed 16-May-12 23:09:28

Beautiful words for your darling little girl. Since reading your first thread a few months ago, I often think of you and Mia. I can feel your pain in the words you write, but the overwhelming love you feel for her, and the joy she brought you shines through always. Wishing you peace x

jmf294 Wed 16-May-12 23:53:49

A true love story- thank you for sharing your beautiful girl with us.
Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

Love and light.

molschambers Wed 16-May-12 23:59:39

Your posts about Mia are so moving.

I'm so sorry.

x

BrigitBigKnickers Thu 17-May-12 00:23:25

Such a gorgeous child and your eloquent and moving posts about Mia are breathtaking. x

monstertufts Thu 17-May-12 19:02:46

We're all here thinking of Mia with you, and your words about her will touch us until you no longer need to write here any more xx

nkf Thu 17-May-12 19:07:35

She must have known every second of every minute of every day how much she was loved. That is precious. I am so sorry she is not with you now. But anyone like you,with so much love to give and share, will always be blessed.

covermeup Thu 17-May-12 19:24:12

I have come across your posts before. The way you speak about your gorgeous Mia is utterly beautiful. Your words are so moving and inspiring. She was and will always be so lucky to have you. I'm so sorry for your loss x

newtonupontheheath Thu 17-May-12 21:27:37

Thank you for starting this new thread. I didn't want to "fill up" your old thread by posting on it...

I think of Mia lots... When I'm out and about, I might see a little girl with red hair and I wonder whether that's how she would look now. And then my thoughts turn to you Mias ... Your little Mia would be so proud of her mummy for keeping her spirit alive as you have done. Your words have touched so many that we're never privileged enough to meet Mia in her short life.

Thank you for sharing Mia with us. I hope you can find a comfort in your "new" life without Mia, even though it is not one you would have ever chosen. With lots of love to you and your family xx

MustControlFistOfDeath Thu 17-May-12 21:30:51

(((hugs)))

xx

Wolfiefan Thu 17-May-12 21:36:04

Your post made my eyes fill with tears but my heart with love. So beautiful. My daughter is my sweet pea (I call her that!) words can never express the magnitude of your loss or the love you have for your gorgeous girl.

kilmuir Thu 17-May-12 21:43:24

I am not very good with words, unlike you. I can feel your love and your pain in your moving post.
Sending you lots of hugs

Reality hit hard yesterday. We had to attend a pre-inquest review, which determines the dates, length and location of Mia's inquest. Her inquest had been adjourned at our request in February, as we felt the information available was both insufficient and incomplete. Both DH and I had been very apprehensive in the lead-up, as we so desperately want the truth to come out - Mia's situation is quite complex. We know what we think, but of course, that is only one possible point of view, and nothing is sure.

Our coroner has a reputation for truth-seeking, and we have our own legal representation too, which was definitely the right decision. Yet this is so very real and difficult to face. But the dates are fixed now, and we have been given the opportunity to provide our own independent expert reports, on top of the three expert witness opinions that the coroner has requested. It is going to be so, so hard. I don't even know if it will provide any sort of closure. Just something to endure.

Unsurprisingly, the meeting and all the emotional lead-up, took its toll on us both. DH didn't return to work in the afternoon, and slept for four hours, something he normally absolutely refuses to do.

On top of this, last night we attended a parents' bereavement group for the first time. Such sad stories of loss, and yet we were welcomed, and allowed the privilege of sharing Mia's story. Another safe haven for us both.

Flubba Fri 18-May-12 14:37:47

Oh God, that will be tough to go though, and you're right, it may not provide 'closure' as such, but the other option, not to have attend the inquest, would be harder in the long run.

I'm glad you went to a parents' bereavement group. It must be so hard to face up to the reality of belonging to such a group, but hopefully they can provide more shoulders to cry on and people to listen to your wonderful stories of Mia, as well as the sadness you are feeling.

molschambers Fri 18-May-12 15:12:53

The inquest will be terribly difficult but I truly hope it brings some peace to you both.

So glad you have found the courage to join a support group and have done so together.

cheesesarnie Fri 18-May-12 15:16:52

you write so beautifully. im so sorry to read this.

curiousparent Fri 18-May-12 15:25:30

I remember your previous thread, I was so saddened by your loss, and of course continue to be.

I am so sorry that you have to tread this path, and that you are forced to live a life without Mia.

Life is so very cruel, my heart truly breaks for you.

xxxxxxxxxx

RatherBeOnThePiste Fri 18-May-12 16:10:12

Hello my lovely, thinking of Mia and sending you a big hug X

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