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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

Those with two or more boys two years apart please help!!!

69 replies

momofha · 16/01/2008 18:35

I have two DSs, aged 2,5 and 4,5 and they are slowly driving me insane!!! My question is, is it just my boys that are desperately in need of reining in or is it just the way two, close in age, boys are. I say boys as my friends with two girls close in age dont seem to have the same issues as me.

My boys are constantly bickering, punching, hitting, fighting with each other. They are way too energetic and when I go out the two of them scream around the place spuring each other on and not listening to a word I say as they are too busy shouting and laughing with each other. They just seem to have sooo much energy and bounce in them!! They get into it over toys that they dont want the other to have etc and then there are just fists etc flying!! I have to break them up. If this is what it is like now how am I going to get through the next 15 or so years!!!

Do you have the same experiences as me and if so HOW do you deal with it as I am about to book myself into the funny farm!!!

OP posts:

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saltire · 16/01/2008 18:37

Mine are still like that and Ds1 is almost 10 and DS2 has just turned 8. Sorry, not much help am I?

kidsx4 · 16/01/2008 18:39

Mine are still the same at 13 and 11. Sorry.

LyraSilvertongue · 16/01/2008 18:41

Mine are 5.5 and 3.5 and they're the same. I haven't found an effective way to deal with it yet.
they do play nicely together a lot of the time and they often have a cuddle and say they love each other.

miobombino · 16/01/2008 18:42

Ds1 and ds2 are 21 months apart. I'm afraid that now they're 12 and 14, they're still partners in crime...lots of playfights, being rough with each other, lots of laughs and secrets. They can't be without each other. I have 2 younger children too, but there's something about that particular bond the 2 eldest share.

Treat them like puppies when young; ie. they need to be outdoors running about as much as you can manage.

Niecie · 16/01/2008 18:50

Mine are like that and they are 3 years apart. However, DS2 is big for his age and quite grown up so it seems like a smaller gap sometimes.

I think you have to let them have a bit of freedom to be boys but judge it so that they don't actually hurt each other or offend anybody else. I know just how you feel about being out though. Taking my two to the shops is a pain as DS2 is constantly niggling at DS1. DS1 is getting calmer (7yrs), but in the end, he can't take it any more and the fights break out then. Pity the other poor shoppers.

I think that girls fight just as much but they aren't as physical and use words instead of fists. Certainly the ones I know fall out just as much as my two.

cornsilk · 16/01/2008 18:52

My two are just like that! I have a lovely neighbour who puts notes through the door complaining about them

ladytophamhatt · 16/01/2008 18:53

my bys are 8,6,4 and One (today) and without a doubt i live in the noisiest house in the whole world.

The bicker constantly and sometmes it makes my head explode....

MrsKitVonD · 16/01/2008 18:56

Mine are 19months and 3 and its hellish sometimes!

They are like little shreiking whirlwinds of destruction and terror.

But so cute with it.

Sometimes.

evenhope · 16/01/2008 18:56

Mine were like that. They fought, argued and squabbled non stop. DS1 was OK with DD and DS3 but DS2 fought with everyone

Now my boys are 20, 18 and 16 they are the best of friends. They still shout quite a lot when together but it does get better, honest

runnyhabbit · 16/01/2008 18:56

Have I got this to look forward too, lol

Ds1 is 2.9yrs, and ds2 is 9mths

They play so lovely together atm.....think I'd best make the most of it

MrsKitVonD · 16/01/2008 18:56

OMG LTH is your smallest 1??

How the heck did that happen?

I wouldve said he was 3 months old or something!! lol

policywonk · 16/01/2008 18:57

Mine are similar ages to yours, momofha. I agree that boys at these ages are very boisterous, but with my two I draw the line at hurting each other (pinching, hitting etc) - they get separated and put on their respective naughty spots (far away from each other), and have to apologize to each other afterwards. I think it's worth making a point of enforcing this rule, because your older son will get into trouble at school if he thinks that hitting and so on is no big deal.

Also agree that children of this age benefit from a great deal of physical activity - difficult in the winter I know, but worth the effort.

bluebell1 · 16/01/2008 20:30

I wish i hadnt have looked at this my ds1 is three and ds2 20months they are bad enough now dont tell me it gets worse.I spend most of my time when we are in public with a bright red face trying to hide.They dont listen to a word i say.

cornsilk · 16/01/2008 20:49

Loving this thread. Making me feel much better. Think I might print it out and give it to my next door tosser neighbour.

bigshopper · 16/01/2008 21:05

Mine are 5, 3 and 1 and spend the whole time wrestling. I usually just join in instead of shouting.

momofha · 17/01/2008 06:29

OMG so I am off to the funny farm then after all!!!

They are little angels when they are not together, when the oldest is at school, etc. Oh well I am at least thanful that DC3 is a DD as I dont know how I would cope with 3 DSs 2 years apart!!! My hat off to those of you who do.

Thanks for all the replies, made me at least realise my DSs are normal.

OP posts:

ernest · 17/01/2008 07:05

bickering is one thing, but punching and hitting and fighting constantly - no way. I've got 3 boys - 8, 7 & 4 and mostly they play very well together. There is of course some argy bargy, and in the heat of an argument maybe one thump, which is absolutely not tolerated, but certainly never, ever, not once, fists flying.

A lot of people have said that it's like that at their's too. Really???? Do you not just mean loud and wild? Not really fists flying??

At 2.5 & 4.5 they're still young enough to pull apart, but frankly you shouldn't have to, and this is going to be really bad and dangerous.

Our house is not what you could describe as quiet. Complete madness. 'boisterous' as my mum would say. But certainly never fists flying. You gotta stamp that out.

Lotstodo · 17/01/2008 07:12

Mine are two years apart in age(4 of them). They are teenagers now but I remember it well. They would bicker over absolutely everything - you name it, everything! They are good company now for each other but they still have their moments! I have been told that teenage girls are worse because as well as the bickering you get the long term 'grudge' with them.

momofha · 17/01/2008 10:44

ernest, I think to describe it as "fists flying" is way over the top. I definetly did NOT say that fists flew. Yes they do push and shove and yes there are smacks, be it a hand or a fist on the arm or something but no they are not punching each others lights out. As you say you have the odd thump well so do mine.

Just wondering what is your suggestion, or anyone elses, for how to deal with this at school. Reason being that the boys at school are constantly pushing and shoving and yes fist fighting at school. My son has come home with his trousers broken at the knees twice in the last 5 months and it is from this constant pushing and shoving the boys do at school. When I spoke to the teacher about it she says there is nothing you can do about it, they are boys after all. So if you say you NEVER allow it at home how are things going to work at school?

OP posts:

FluffyMummy123 · 17/01/2008 10:45

Message withdrawn

hunkermunker · 17/01/2008 10:48

You did say "constantly bickering, punching, hitting, fighting with each other" so you can see where Ernest might've got the idea it was fists flying - it certainly sounded more violent than anything that happens with mine (21m apart, DS2 2 on Friday). They have the occasional spat, but most of the time they are sweet together or ignore each other!

Happy birthday, littlest LTH!

hertsnessex · 17/01/2008 10:48

my boys are 11mnths apart - they have odd moments of fighting (over who gets what toyy) but generally it all works out well, and they adore each other. however up until a few months ago we had alots of arguments. something seems to have changed - not sure what, but thankful!

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contentiouscat · 17/01/2008 10:53

Mine are 2 years apart and bicker regularly, not much in the way of fighting really but they know if they did I would remove their favourite toy from them (and then probably forget where I have put it)

They are not even allowed to play fight at school they have a zero tolerance policy.

ernest · 17/01/2008 10:55

actually momofha, you said in your OP "They get into it over toys that they dont want the other to have etc and then there are just fists etc flying!! " so if that's way over the top, it's acually you who said it. So if the OP you yourself wrote is "way over the top" , then please forgive me for trying to answer based on what you said.

"I definetly did NOT say that fists flew." er yes you did.

momofha · 17/01/2008 11:09

Oh ernest, I really dont want to get into she said/I said with you, it is counter productive and quite frankly I am not a confrontational person.

Apologies, perhaps I should have picked my words better and not used the word fists, which was more figurative than literal in meaning.

From what all the others have posted I do believe that what I am experiencing is normal. Thanks all!!

OP posts:

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