Are we being mean not telling anyone our names?

[Newmummytobe79]

We think we have a girls and a boys name ... but still have time to change our minds! We don't want to tell anyone and introduce baby with name as we hand her/him over for first cuddle - even with grandparents. My Mum and Dad have accepted this (although I can tell my Mum really wants to know!) but his Mum keeps asking me to tell her. She pretty much begged me last night and I feel really mean ... but really don't want to tell anyone! Am I being mean or is she pushing me when she shouldn't? We got so many names thrown at us from husbands family (seriously lists have been made!) that we've asked them to keep their names secret from us and then we can see if anyone gets it 'correct' after baby is born. It's doing my head in but I'm being very polite and smiling at the odd name that gets 'mentioned'. I just feel that our decision to keep it secret is being made into a big deal - when it's not ... I just want a suprise on the sex and to suprise friends and family with the name ... and if they hate it - by then it's tough! :) x

[ZZZenAgain]

I didn't tell anyone, mostly because I couldn't make up my mind, even after the birth. Just tell her you are undecided

[Meglet]

You don't have to tell anyone. You might change your mind.

Ignore your mum .

[BornAgainDomesticGoddess]

The only reason to tell everyone the name beforehand is to stop anybody else using it. Other than that, it's up to you when you tell people.

However, I think it needs to be a pretty good name to warrant that much suspense!

[randomimposter]

stick to your guns
IMO you are absolutely right

we found out the sex, but hadn't even discussed names until we were in the hospital... (but we are a bit odd )

Good luck x

[NorkilyChallenged]

Not mean at all, I've never told the names in advance. And you're right, it's better that way as they have less time to complain if they don't like it (hard to say something negative if they're cuddling lovely little newborn ;) )

They are being ridiculous if they're making an issue of it. Just ignore ignore ignore.

[jaffacake79]

Not mean at all!
Just ignore them they're being silly, it's your baby so do things your own way.

Oh, and in my family I once let slip a name I would like for a future baby and then when my sil had her last baby the name magically became the middle name for her new daughter!

[Newmummytobe79]

It's my MIL that is begging - not my Mum - I'm sure she wants to know more than anything but is really good at respecting our wishes. We're not keeping them secret because they're such great names, it's just that I don't want everyone saying 'so and so has arrived' - I want it to be a nice suprise for everyone. Plus ... if a celeb uses either name in the run up ... we'll probably change them anyway! Just feel it's being made a big deal of when I have CLEARLY stated my feelings and I don't know how much longer I can politely refuse! I think I will take the majority vote and ignore, ignore ignore! :) x

[Newmummytobe79]

I'd love to give a few names but the one's I have mentioned in the early days had negative responses and that alone wound me up! Husband is currently calling baby such a horrific name (as a joke) that our neices have started calling my bump that name ... :)

[coccyx]

Are people really that bothered

[SarkyLady]

Of course you shouldn't tell them if you don't want to.

But do it as "we haven't decided yet" and not "we are keeping this secret".

[Casmama]

I would just be honest - we want to keep it a secret and you are driving me bloody mental by asking all the time. Respect our decision and you will find out when the baby is born - now drop it! (But then I am a bitch!)

[SarkyLady]

nooooooooooo.

secrets can offend. and usually do.

[BornAgainDomesticGoddess]

Just make them up. Say, "well actually, we have decided on Crystal for a girl and Zebedee for a boy". That'll shut them up

[Newmummytobe79]

hahaha Casmama - that is sooooo what I want to say! Think I'll go with the line that we have an idea but don't want to decide until we meet baby and see which name he/she decides on. I really didn't think it'd be such a big deal and now wish I'd said it'll either be Dave or Davetta :o)

[CountBapula]

I think you're being very sensible. We decided (more or less) on DS's name before he was born but didn't tell anyone - firstly because we wanted room to change our minds once we'd actually seen him, and secondly because if anyone had done a catsbumface at the name, I would have got really hormonal insecure about our choice.

I told my mum his name on the phone from the hospital and she sounded a bit but once she saw him it was fine.

I should add it's not a weird name at all! I just didn't want people passing judgment on it before the event.

I think it's quite normal to keep the name under wraps until after the birth TBH. Why not tell your MiL a couple of ghastly names to throw her off the scent, then when you announce the real name you can say you changed your mind because you thought she didn't like it?

[CountBapula]

Haha x-post bornagain

[confuddledDOTcom]

YANBU at all!

With our eldest I told him not to tell anyone our names because I didn't want people's opinions on them. I don't mind telling Mum because she won't give me a negative opinion unless she really believes it and if she was asked for a name she'd give me a silly old ladies name because she knows it's our decision, although she did list Welsh names for us last time because we were looking for one. I told him why I didn't mind Mum but I did anyone else. He went and told his mum and nan, guess what happened? They didn't like any names and told us what the other children would call her. I got my own back by asking his children and my brother's children which name, they all chose my favourite and the one that his mum and nan hated the most! Our youngest we actually told them because his nan was in hospital dying and we named her after his grandad and great-grandmother (nan's MIL) but we told them the day before she was born.

One of the biggest reasons I don't want to tell people is I want to make the decision without their negativity (why does no one ever give positive feedback on potential names?)

[Newmummytobe79]

Nail on head confuddledDOTcom - no-one every says 'I love that name'! It's always:

I knew a bully with that name
You do know it rhymes with x x or x
I don't like the nn
It's too hard for a 5 year old to spell
Didn't so and so call her son/daughter that 100 years ago and they're really fat/ugly/unhappy!?!

Or you get the catsbumface (:o CountBapula!) reaction which makes me want to scream! I really like a boys name which husband hates (so we're not going for it) and if I hear one more person slag it off because they think it's ok to do so because husband doesnt like it I'll go mad! It must be topic of conversation a lot because even my 5 year old neice said 'you wouldnt call a boy X would you? Bleaugh' because it'd been slagged off so often!

Unbelievable!

x

[Trinaluce]

DH says 'Tell them you're calling it 'Judas Adolf Saddam' if it's a boy and 'Lucretia Lolita Jezebel' if it's a girl'....


(Oh dear, now I've gone and realised that Lucretia Lolita actually has a nice lilt to it...)

[thinkingkindly]

Definitely don't tell. Newmummy is quite right. I wouldn't tell anybody and lots of people found it hard to accept . Tough!

[thinkingkindly]

One thing I did though was to say they were welcome to make suggestions. But as I never commented on their suggestions, they soon gave that up!

[greenzebra]

We are not telling anyone, Im so excited that we picked a girls name and a boys name that we are both happy with. I want my husband to introduce the baby to everyone, I dont want people knowing beofre hand, and I am too fed up with the catbumface! Or the other negatives you get.

I am annoyed today though as my DH has just told me hes told a mutual friend our names, beacuse she told him hers, but shes not keeping them a secret. Men!!!!!

If you dont want to tell then dont tell, and tell your mum that you want to introduce the baby properly to people including her.