I know you didn't...
just thought I tell ya, that it is really a natural thing to do...not kind, maybe...but gosh, we are all human...and as I said earlier....you can be pretty or less than pretty no matter if you are a Baby/Child or adult...just the way it is...and as such other people will have their opinion (which hopefully would always go unvoiced ) about a person...

FairLady, i didn't tell them i just thought it lol.

oh, and I often look at Kids that are in movies or ads, and think....erm....they could have chosen a prettier/more handsome child...I always thought it is quite natural to make such judgements...
obvioulsy I would never tell their parents, or something like that...

Heated ohhhh ok, sounds like you know the situation LOL.

heated...your post just made me shoke on my Liquorice...lol

After reading your op, I thought genetics can work that way especially if you marry your cousin.

thanks Lady !!! I feel better now

heated pray do tell?

Needa I know and I bow down to your kindness!!

On reading LES's post, I had a more unworhty thought.

TLE, I can see your point - your first noticing of the whole group was the not-pretty baby girl - if I was looking at pushchair level that would be what I saw first, and then I would look up to see what the parents looked like to produce a less-than-pretty baby.

So, your first reaction to the child is relevant otherwise you might never have bothered to look up and the other posters on here should just get over it. It's not like you went "URGH how ugly is that kid", is it now?

I know what you mean about dad's looks not looking right on a DD as well - a boss of mine's wife brought his daughter in (aged about 13m) one day - and we all thought: doesn't she look like her Daddy - NOT a good option for her as a girl!

Hey Lady not fair - wasn't just Muffle, I stuck up for you ages ago!!!!!!!!

Ladyevanstar ignore them, you were being open and honest in your op and just stating your thoughts at the time.
I can't believe that anyone on this thread never had an uncharitable thought about a child or an adult in the street.

Quint but i never said a word, it was a mere thought

<<<< biting tongue>>>>>

Appreciate you are shocked about meeting your ex, but show some sense. Even if you think a child is ugly, no reason to post that it is unusual to see a child who is not pretty?

Yes, I have seen the odd child who was quite plain, I am sure, but I am not judging little children on their looks, and I hope I have sense enough to keep my gob shut about it.

hmmm

lol...yup...sounds very familiar...

Fair, we were out this afternoon for a meal as it is mums b'day there was ds1 in his uniform and ds2 in blue shorts blue t-shirt and blue shoes....yet 6 times I got told what a beautiful daughter I had ?????
"Oh She is so beautiful how old is she?

"HE* is 21 months"
Oh its a boy...
errrr yeah lol

TLE...that guy does sound like such an ass....but you know what tehy say ...what goes around comes around....karma and all that!

As for the issue of a Baby being called not very pretty....my goodness...some Babies aren't/some children aren't and gasp, some adults aren't...that is life, why can't people hold whatever opinion they want...I certainly was one of the most ugliest baby/child ever....my looks have improved somewhat, lol...but I am not Kate Moss or anything, lol...luckily my Kids totally are super gorgeous, not that I am bias...but ds 2 was decidedly pretty and often mistaken for a girl

Muffle YIPPEEEE WOOPEEEEEE YEHAAAAAAAAAAA at last someone got it!!!

Large he didn't say much tbh lol.

Sorry Lady, i know you didn't it was the rest of em.

Are you ok? Calm about it now? What did your dp say about it all?

Oh I have to confess to thinking "ooh, ugly baby" sometimes. Come on, if that thought has never crossed your mind you really must be a saint. Some babies look a fright and as many have said they tend to grow out of it. It has nothing to do with the beauty of the parents either.

I would never ever comment on it, in fact I always say what a lovely baby/what a cutie etc. And furthermore I quite like ugly babies - they often look like they have a lot of character and I feel just as "awwwwww coochie coo" about them as any baby.

I read the OP as her just having the thought and then having the shock of her life when she looked up and recognised the dad. Not as particularly gloating that he had an ugly baby, but whatever!

What so many seem to be unable to grasp is that I NEVER said anything at all and I NEVER said she was ugly, I said she was not very pretty...and also she looked very boyish (even though she was dressed in pink).

I don't think he is ugly actually he is not bad looking, but while his looks suit him they do not suit her iyswim?

lollol between Greensleaves, Fenellafudge and sweetfalls i have barely climbed the thread for laughing to see it has all turned in to an ugly baby debate.

There are ugly babies around, shame but true.

More to the point though Lady what a nightmare situation for you. Well done for keeping your cool

I have to post here, my son was the ugliest new born baby you have ever seen, big lump on his head squinting eyes and i was embarassed to take him out the first few weeks. (difficult labour) then when he was a toddler he was the most stunning little blonde blue eyed child you ever saw. Got comments all the time lol, just wanted to say to call a child "not very pretty, ugly" is so sad when its the father you think is not very pretty, ugly

Lynette, he spoke to ds1 and I but I just totally ignored him....for fear of not being very pleasent tbh.

The OP's initial thought about the baby not really relevent - she might have thought "what a nice pushchair" or anything.

(For what it's worth when DD was born I thougth "oh unususual for a girl she is not very pretty" - thankfully she is georgous now.

what I want to know is did you acknowledge your ex - LadyEVenstar?

i think a prime example of an 'un-pretty' child is probably Katie & Peters daughter Princess Tiaami (?)

She's got her dads features, they dont look right on a girl.. everytime i see her picture i'm trying to find something pretty/cute about her, because we ALL know girls are meant to be cute.

but then i think, nope... poor child, i hope she grows into that face...

But if that makes me shallow, then i shall tattoo it on my forehead, and then go cuddle my unarguably beautiful DD who gets complete strangers telling me what a beautiful child i have.

although the "she'll be a little heartbreaker, you mark my words' comments do make me go

I never ever thought that babies could be ugly until an in law of an in law brought her newish baby aorund and truly I had to fight the sharp in take of breath. The thought "man that is an ugly baby" couldn't be denied though.

She went on to have two more extremely ugly babies who all grew up to be perfectly fine looking young women.

But never again was I able to say "oh all babies are cute in some way". Live and learn.

pmsl @ 'letting yourself down'

I'm also soppy about little children - of course both of mine are beautiful - but come on, there are some right ugly buggers!

I think Greensleeves was talking to me with the sneering TheLadyEvenstar.

I can be quite nasty and vindictive, TBH in the OP's case I probably would have done everything in my power to get him deported/arrested/beaten. I am not a particularly nice person. This doesn't bother me at all and I am therefore not letting myself down.

Greensleeves, I was not sneering at her. TBH I saw her before I saw him. And she was not the prettiest little girl and she was very boyish looking.

"Greensleeves if someone had fucked me over the way it sounds like the OP's ex did her I would be thinking "haha, sucked in ugly baby!"

I think it's nasty, and vindictive, and letting yourself down. Hate him by all means, but don't sneer (even inwardly) at a baby who has done nothing wrong

but then I am quite soppy about little children

Spice it seems he lives in the same area as me and I mean close by....thankfully I am moving

Libra no I just blanked him, ds1 glared at him like he was something he had just stood in lol

What a twat. At least you didn't have kids with him and so you never have to see him again

Well they obviously didn't revoke it as he is still here unless like his brother he changed his name???

I hope his penis turns green and falls off on your behalf. Perfectly resonable to think to oneself, not pretty baby, as long as you don't articulate it to the parents.

'Expat, I did but by then he had his leave to remain. he was very cunning and stayed married to me exactly one month over the required time before he left. '

It can be revoked, you know. It was in the case of that terrorist guy who then went back to Lebanon for a visit.

lol fair she wasn't a tiny baby just a bit younger than ds2 who is 20m.

Orange, I could wish the same but then that makes me as low as him lol.

Aren't all babies ugly anyway? I've only ever seen one that wasn't, and that was possibly due to the hormonal fug of new parenthood. I have looked back at photos of theose heady newborn days and thought ... if I am honest.

He's lush now though

This is mumsnet - we are allowed to say babies aren't pretty. That's the POINT.

TLE - what an evil git. I hope he is very miserable and unhappy for you.

Mutt, if you look I never once said I saw her as ugly!!! I said she was not very pretty and was very boyish looking.

I can't remember who seemed to think I meant that boys are not handsome/stunning etc but what I meant is she was not very pretty and she also looked like a boy. is that better worded?

Details, details. You see babies as being only <positive>-looking. I see that babies are just as likely to be ugly as grownups (although more likely to be cute-ugly). Is this really somehting to fight about?

aah mutt you don't only think or say good things - phew!
twat's a bit harsh though!

Total not that it was not tempting!! lol

Where exactly did I say they can only be beautiful?

I said I don't see them as ugly.

No need for the face, and I didn't say thinking unpleasant thoughts was perceptive.

If you can call us shallow for thinking that babies and children exist on the full range of beautiful - attractive - average - funny-looking - ugly, then surely we can say we find it a bit weird that you think children can only be beautiful. You insulted us, not tother way around.

Come on we've all seen a baby and all we can find to say is 'cute' because the little thing is quite ugly.

You're talking like a twat now.

I haven't even suggested that's what I do.

Just not as perceptive as the rest of you maybe

Not offended, just think you are a bit loopy

Actually it would be quite nice to walk around with rose-tinted spectacles and think 'how beautiful' a lot.

I don't only think good thoughts.

But I just don't see children - any children - as ugly. Just don't see it.

Sorry if that offends you all!

wow I can't imagine a life where you only think good thoughts!
probably why I don't go to church - I'm just not "good" enough!

Sign me up for shallowness in that case.

Oh look a baby.

It is very hairy/bald/big/small/red-faced/screamy/funny-looking/snotty/smiley

I am shallow! People say it like it is a bad thing, but really I live quite a happy life not worrying too much about things, not worrying what other people think about me.

I would rather be shallow than angsty.

Rubbish. There are lots of ugly people in the world, noticing it does not make you shallow. It means you are perceptive and discriminating.

Yes.

Exactly.

So only shallow people look into prams and think 'that baby is not very pretty' Mutt?

if a man had treated me this way i think i'd feel entitled to gloat secretly if the kids he had with his new wife (the woman he used her in order to marry) weren't that cute. it's not as if she went up to them and pointed, whilst making childish fun-poking noises or anything...

Of course you're entitled to think, even say, your first thought was "that little girl isn't very pretty".

Just makes you sound very shallow.

Expat, I did but by then he had his leave to remain. he was very cunning and stayed married to me exactly one month over the required time before he left.

I never spoke to him at all, he spoke to me and ds1 i simply blanked him when I realised who it was and ds1 glared at him. Before we walked past him.

i'd have reported his book ass to the HO and got his ass deported.

As long as their mummy loves them,what does it matter what (or who) they look like?

i have to say that theres loads of ugly babys out there it dont matter what you think about them as long as the parents dont hear ya! lol my babies weren't what i'd call beautiful at birth but yeah they grew into there faces and now there gorgeous! fairy cake i agree with you!
glad you aint stuck with someone like that ladyevenstar! just think if you'd been the mother of an ugly child lmao!!!

oh fgs, who cares if your baby is pretty/ugly/gorgeous/plain/boy/girl/alien/munter

ITS IRRELEVANT

Vaunda thought it to herself about that particular child and mentioned it because the childs appearence is why she looked up at the parents

Greensleeves if someone had fucked me over the way it sounds like the OP's ex did her I would be thinking "haha, sucked in ugly baby!" along with "thank god I didn't breed with him".

FFS not all babies are beautiful you know. Its not like the OP said th her ex 'my god what an ugly baby you have there'. In fact the OP didn;t even use the word ugly, she said not pretty - big difference.

If she had said out loud to the childs parents - wow your baby's ugly (or even not that pretty) then yes flame her, but FFS get a grip people, it was an observation!

<snooooort>

If only that had been on purpose!

I'm not pickin' on you honest but ..

I really can't help myself

'fishwife' and 'batter someone' did you mean to? did you? did you?

YAY I have a new keyboard

I think it was vindictive to say his baby wasn't pretty, it wasn't at all the same as seeing a kids and thinking "good grief" to yourself - you posted it because you were thinking "haha, and his baby is ugly"

which is horrid

Gosh "challenge our own thoughts" does sound twattish doesn't it?

I have been blessed with a resting facial expression that resembles a greatly aggrieved fish-wife, but I hope that when people look at me and think I'm possibly out to batter someone they might also consider that some of us just have That Kind Of Face.

Thats kind of what I meant.

at she didn't look very pretty = she looked like a boy
All three of my boys were ( are) utterly gorgeous, thank you, and I don't think that's unusual.
You may think a baby is not very pretty but it is sort of one of these things you shouldn't really say and especially if it's totally irrelevant to the situation.

this guy was a tosser - and look he has an ug'y baby

seems kinda relevant to me

mwahahahahahaa

But the little girl not being very pretty is irelevant.

And beauty is subjective anyway. And surely the op must have either thought something of her xh to have married him, so his looks appear to have been irelevant at the time? So why are his daughter's looks relevant?

Some babies are very very ugly indeed though

"challenge my own thoughts"

heavens forfend

what would I do that fur?

Guy sounds like a twunt and your best away from him. A real shame he used you but hey, he's got an ugly child..... what goes around comes around.

It is a little harsh to call a baby ugly but be honest, some are funny looking aren't they?

Sometimes it makes them all the more cute, sometimes you have to pretend they are cute when speaking to the parent's

my DS2 was an ugly baby we all knew it!

he is a beautiful toddler though...

that aside did you speak to him?

...and thats not to say we shouldn't challenge our own thoughts as they happen, I do and I'm sure most of us do.

Babies, toddlers and kids can all be ugly

Ugly kids can become beautiful adults

Beautiful kids can become ugly adults

Of course its not right to say it to anyone's face but you can articulate it in a description surely

Oh, I see its not a fast-typing-thing but a busted-spacebar-thing.

ugly babies aside he sounds like a complete sod lady

Greenie - this quick typing thing doesn't seem to be working out for you

I sometimes think - what on odd looking child; they are some huuuuge ears for such a little head; aha! proof that monobrows dont just occur with age....

It is unusual to hear someone say it - as in the op - and I do think it should remain something that is thought and not uttered(I'm just giving my examples to explain my point) but please lets not pretend that we dont think inappropriate things sometimes.

Thoughts are freeflowing, its actions and words that need to be kept in check.

Sorry, didn't mean to imply to said that - I know you said not very pretty.

I just happen to think even if you called a kid of mine ugly or 'interesting looking' I wouldn't take offense.

Who cares, surely not everyone on this board is deluded and thinks their kids are gorgeous?

In fact I've heard some mumsnetters say how ugly their baby was and how they have grown into their looks.

Theladyevenstar - how the girl looked is totally irrelevant! Why didn't you just post to say that you seen your ex and he now has a daughter and you found this a very weird experience? We really don't need to know she has her father's nose and the fact that you're dwelling on it makes you seem rather petty tbh.

Princess I never said she was ugly I said she was not very pretty...

Ugly/not very pretty - big difference?

Laurie LMAO I didn't say she was ugly though!!! although he has got ugly and FAT and BALD and he is only 28 or 29 lol i can't remember

Well you can say and think what you like, it's just a bit harsh to call a baby ugly.

Try.out/different+ones#

Does it just need cleaning? Get under it with a damp cotton bud?

I don't get that, how can we not say someone is not very pretty or downright ugly for that matter

I'm a bit of a munter, my dh with his giant nose, baldness, weak chin and grumpy face is never going to have good looking kids with me - AND????????

ugly dorks rule, right?

hmm.maybe.-.more.hassle.though.as.I.automatically.type.quickly.with.the.space.bar.bu t.have.to.s top.to.find.the.full.s top

andthedamns pacebaris ontherampageandkeeps addinginhuges paces wihoutmeeventouchingit

Now I'm reading that in a robot voice [leaves thread]

use 'a' to break up words

itsabusted - much better

Jumente he is not ugly not stunning but not ugly iyswim? and as i say while his looks suit him they looked wrong on her...maybe she will grow into them who knows, i look like my dad and his looks never looked right for me iyswim?

I suppose I could have said she looked very much like a boy rather than not very pretty lol

Oh ok, I'll take deep breaths next time, I got light headed reading it

my.space.bar.isn't.working

You could try using full stops instead greeny? Might look worse though

it'sbusted

Princess, I just didn't think she was very pretty thats all, then i saw him and realised she was his double, now while his looks are not that bad on him they didn't look right on her iyswim?

Morloth PHEWWWWW

Oh dear Vaunda! Foot in mouth again I see...poor little girl... but you must be feeling confused as it's brought up some stuff for you.

Space bar Greensleeves! Space bar!

nice judging of the little girl.

agreegoodriddancetobadrubbishinhis cas e

butcan'tsayIhaveeverlookedintoabuggyandthought" Oh,unus ualforagirls heis notverypretty"

Sounds like you dodged a bullet! Think about it, you could still be stuck with him.

I was just walking along with ds1 and ds2 and I saw this little girl a bit younger than ds2 in a stroller, my first thought was "Oh unusual for a girl she is not very pretty" I looked up from the pram to see her parents a woman who looked about 15 and MY EX HUSBAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I should probably explain, I got married in september 2003 and in October 2005 he left me. his reasons? well he had got his leave to remain in the UK and his passport. It was not until we split I found out his father had a wife already lined up for him and had done for 6 years. SO basically he married me so he could bring her over.

I am not sure how I feel I know I have moved on and had a baby with my new partner but.....
before we split he made me go through hell and always told me he couldn't have children.