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AIBU?

to have got into an argument over this comment

60 replies

fankley · 29/02/2008 15:17

I have changed my name because know a couple of people at dcs school and don't want to out the person who made this comment.

Was talking to my dds friends mum who helps out with swimming at the school, getting the children changed (in the summer) She was talking about a girl in their class and said that she has a problem warming to this girl - there's something about her she doesn't like, and it's because when this girl was in the nursery class and getting changed for swimming, she'd walk about naked in front of the boys in a 'knowing' way, flaunting herself.

I pointed out that a 3 year old was hardly 'knowing' about nudity and asked her if she meant she had concerns in some way. She said no, she just meant that this girl was far too grown up for her age (at 3 -4) and she didn't like it.

I said that I really didn't know what she was getting at and she said 'you know, little girls who use their bodies to get male attention'.

Was shocked as felt this is a bizarre comment from someone who is a class helper and working with young children.

Aibu to be disturbed by this comment, or totally over reacting?

OP posts:

Report

Saturn74 · 29/02/2008 15:20

What a horrible thing to say about a little girl.

bogie · 29/02/2008 15:20

she sounds like a weirdo to me
3 years old ffs how would she know

Youcannotbeserious · 29/02/2008 15:21

My little SD has always been a little flirt - she knows she's gorgeous! But, it's just not in an adult / knowing way.........

Even if this little girl is playing up a bit, I doubt she actually realises it..........

It does seem a bit like the teacher has more of an issue than the child!

wildwoman · 29/02/2008 15:21

sounds like she has issues

Chequers · 29/02/2008 15:22

Message withdrawn

potoftea · 29/02/2008 15:23

Really creep view.
She is probably the type of person who feels that a girl "is asking for it" if she is attacked, if the girl is dressed up or whatever.

Stupid idea though, that this child would have that much body awareness, sexuality awareness, or knowledge of gender differences, at this age.

JackanoryGirl · 29/02/2008 15:23

Absolutely NOT over reacting.

That has got to be one the most bizarre comments I have ever heard.

Most of the kind of stuff discussed on this board tends to come up over and over again, but that one is TOTALLY on it's own.

Would definitely have big concerns over her role as a parent helper or whatever she does.

again!

Rachmumoftwo · 29/02/2008 15:26

I would be cross too. Some little girls are naturally flirtatious, my own 6 year old included. She wiggles her hips, belly dances etc. like there is no tomorrow. She also tries to tie her tops to show her belly so I had to have a little talk. Unfortunately there are some strange people in this world that think there is more to this kind of behaviour than there is.

TheSweetLittleBunny · 29/02/2008 15:28

You really do need to speak to someone at the school about this in confidence. The remark is totally inappropriate for someone who works closely with children. You don't need to necessarily mention names, just say something like "If someone said (the things mentioned in your OP) would this give the school cause for concern?"

pagwatch · 29/02/2008 15:28

Seriously odd. And quite worrying.
Suggesting a toddler can be deliberately and overtly sexual is not good. I would keep my child away from her home and enviroment. I would be concerned about how and where she has formed such bizarrre opinions

JackanoryGirl · 29/02/2008 15:34

Agree with SweetLittleBunny. I think I would have to say something to somebody if how you describe it is really exactly as it was said.

And agree with Pagwatch - would definitely keep my kids away from her.

How well do you know her?

Madlentileater · 29/02/2008 15:43

might she not just be concerned about this little girl? I would be if I met a 3/4 yr old who seemed to have picked up on adult notions of sexuality and body awareness- very concerned.

Youcannotbeserious · 29/02/2008 15:52

But why would that make her dislike the little girl?

It is a valid POV, but it can't possibly be the little girls doing, IYSWIM....

Squiffy · 29/02/2008 15:54

she is so wrong on so many levels.

If she does think this child has been groomed in any way (which is what she is suggesting) she should report it

If she is just a weirdo she should be nowhere near children.

rantinghousewife · 29/02/2008 15:54

MLE, the op has stated that she asked if the woman had concerns, the woman concerned replied 'no'. In that light, it sounds like she (the swimming helper) has issues.

JackanoryGirl · 29/02/2008 15:56

Madlentileater does raise a good point.

Is the litte girl really like that? If so, then yes that is even more concerning.

Although still and at that women's reaction to it. If she was going to show anything, it should be nothing but concern. Still would have big question mark over her suitability as parent helper.

pagwatch · 29/02/2008 15:59

The bit that does not fit into the "is she really like that" scenario is the comment

"you know, little girls who use their bodies to get male attention"
(my highlighting)

THAT is the bit I find worrying.

Madlentileater · 29/02/2008 16:03

I agree, the label 'far too grown up for her age' is hardly sympathetic or concerned, but not everyone expresses unease in a helpful way...may be she just feels uncomfortable but doesn't realise what behaviour like that might indicate (not trying to be alarmist here, and maybe the helper is just freaked out by normal healthy self-confidence...but a comment like that would ring alarm bells for me)

Troutpout · 29/02/2008 16:03

Agree with pagwatch
That's the bit

Elasticwoman · 29/02/2008 16:03

Only read OP. It is a pity when adults attribute adult feelings to little children. Sounds like this woman is projecting her own feelings about nudity on to this child.

As my late father used to say: "to the pure in heart all things are slightly filthy."

rantinghousewife · 29/02/2008 16:05

Mad lentileater, re read the OP.

sdr · 29/02/2008 16:09

What concerns me is if a man said it alarm bells would be ringing. A quiet word to the school could be needed. Tread carefully as she may have had something happen to her in the past.

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JackanoryGirl · 29/02/2008 16:11

Housewife - I think what lentil eater is trying to say is that even though the strange woman says she has no concerns, this may be because she has observed the behaviour and taken a rather odd view of it rather than the very concerned view that most ordinary adults would take.

Sorry - very waffely. Too many she's, her's and that persons to make myself clear.

OneHandedTypist · 29/02/2008 16:12

hmmm... dd has been known 2 flash her bottom at strangers. She knows she's being provocative, but obv. doesnt grasp y. She wouldnt do it if she understood how adults understand.

littlepinkpixie · 29/02/2008 16:22

Maybe the woman does have concerns, but when she was directly asked felt that she was being put on the spot, and so said that she didnt?
Though I agree with Pagwatch - the generalising comment about "little girls" does throw a different light on things.

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