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AIBU?

To think that dh is being totally unreasonable about this years holiday or not?

65 replies

mosschops30 · 28/12/2007 20:50

Ok heres the thing, I will graduate in 2008 after finishing (hopefully) my nursing degree.
Whilst I have been studying my mum has paid for us to have a family holiday ever year because she believes its important.
Anyway this year I wanted to do something special because I graduate, so I suggested me, dh, ds and dd going to disney florida, which he said 'yeah' to until I got the brochures and then he decided ds is too young and didnt want to go to america.

Now I'd like my mum to come too (shes had a shit year) and it would cost an extra £2.5k for her to come. So she's giving us £2k for us, paying her extra £2.5k, so all we'll have to find is the £1.5k plus spending which I think is great.

he still doesnt want to go, and I dont know why, we've had mums cc details for about 3 months now with her just waiting for us to book something with that 2k but he cant be arsed and says he doesnt know where to go.

Is he BU or AIBU?

OP posts:

Report

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 28/12/2007 20:50

Go without him

madamez · 28/12/2007 20:54

Well he should give you a reason, really. Maybe his reason is a good one? For instance, maybe he thinks that your DS is too young to enjoy it and it will involve a lot of hanging around for one of you, minding DS while everyone else goes on all the rides? Maybe he is worried about money and thinks it might be better to spend what cash you have on something else?
Tell him, gently, that it's all right not to want to go but it's only fair for him to tell you why he doesn;t want to go. He is, after all, a grown up and should be able to have a rational conversation with his DW.

WideWebWitch · 28/12/2007 20:57

how old is your child?
I have to say it sounds like my idea of hell, I wouldn't want to go

WideWebWitch · 28/12/2007 20:57

and add MIL to the mix and NO WAY would I want to! Maybe he doesn't want to go with your mum and maybe he wants to lie on a beach rather than see Mickey et al? I understnad that.

melpomene · 28/12/2007 20:58

How old is your ds? We went to Florida when dd1 was 19 months old and all had a fantastic time.

mosschops30 · 28/12/2007 21:03

Ok he doesnt like theme parks which is fine, and we would book a two centre holiday 7 days disney/7 days beach.
If we went with my mother he wouldnt have to go to the parks every day and could stay in the villa or go fishing (which he loves).
ds will be 3.8 by the time we go

if he said he wanted to go anywhere I'd be happy (other than camping) but its the fact that he's so dismissive which is pissing me off. He's been like this every year mind, so I have just booked it anyway and he's been quite happy

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kerryk · 28/12/2007 21:03

i would find it really difficult to accept this sort of money from my own mum but impossible to accept it from my mil.

is his pride involved here in anyway??

kerryk · 28/12/2007 21:05

sorry forgot to add we took dd's to eurodisney this summer, they were 5&3 and both had a fantastic time, plus it cost a lot less than florida.

could this maybe be a comprimise?

WideWebWitch · 28/12/2007 21:05

What does he say if you ask for his suggestions? Because I think if one is going to whinge about something then one has to be prepared to get off ones moaning backside and offer constructive suggestions.

melpomene · 28/12/2007 21:06

There are loads of other things to do there apart from Disney, as well. Would your dh be interested in a trip to Kennedy Space Centre? Seaworld is great, and for a change of pace there is a duck parade at Peabody hotel.

margoandjerry · 28/12/2007 21:07

Sounds lovely. He needs to say why he doesn't want to go.

I don't get the whole dread of spending time with family/parents thing. Some parents are actually quite nice. Mine are. Sounds like your mother is.

newnamefornewyearbookwormmum · 28/12/2007 21:09

Maybe he doesn't want to borrow 2K off your Mum but doesn't want to say so or the whole idea has just overwhelmed him. How about Eurodisney instead? Not so far and a similar experience. I doubt if your dc will know the difference at her age!

Best thing is to ask him really.

mosschops30 · 28/12/2007 21:09

no kerryk she has paid every year for the last 3 years, its not that he cant afford it, its that he would never get round to it if it was left to him.

Yes I think he would enjoy the water parks and KSC. Plus i think he would just enjoy chilling out if we went to disney for a couple of days without him.

Loving your attitude WWW, when theres a break in the tv prog I will tell him that

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NorthernLurkerwithastarontop · 28/12/2007 21:12

sorry I think it's you who are being unreasonable. It is wonderful that your mum has paid for your holiday whilst you have been studying - she is right it is important - but I think you are wrong in thinking you and your dh can just accept the level of financial input you are talking about this year without any problems. Your poor dh - so he gets to go on a family holiday, largely paid for by his mil, accompanied by his mil - no wonder he can think of other things he'd rather do.

If you want to do something special - ask your mum to babysit whilst the two of you go to Venice or New York for the weekend - and pay for that yourself. Then ask your mum to pay for a fortnight at the seaside in this country for all of you - and ask dh to play on the beach with the kids whilst you and your mum chill out!

WanderingHolly · 28/12/2007 21:16

He doesn't want your mum paying for a holiday he couldn't afford.

He doesn't want to spend the holiday with your mum.

He is scared of mice.

This is your holiday for graduating.

What alternatives does he suggest? Have you pointed out the babysitting possibilities your mum will provide? How much have the previous holidays cost?

mosschops30 · 28/12/2007 21:20

ok first my mum doesnt have to come, she hasnt come on the last 3 holidays she paid for. He didnt want to go even when I suggested just the four of us.
Its not about the money, he could afford it, he would just never get round to booking and paying for it hence why I always sort it out with my mother
He has made no other suggestions, oh apart from camping in france which i flatly refuse to do
I would be happy to go anywhere I even spent a whole afternoon (when I was supposed to be writing my dissertation ) going through normal holiday books to places like menorca/algarve etc but didnt want that either.
Last 2 holidays were about £1800 and mum gave us a grand towards it

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NorthernLurkerwithastarontop · 28/12/2007 21:23

if he has mentioned france how about self catering in the south of france in a villa - with a two day stop at Eurodisney on the way - and your mum comes over for the second week maybe?

WanderingHolly · 28/12/2007 21:25

Ok, fair points.

So she will be spending more this time.

Is the issue that he wants to be part of the decision? Or that it's getting to him that your mum is doing it, not because he can't afford it, but because he would be incapable of booking a holiday?

I don't think YABU but I think NL's ideas about Venice/New York and a beach holiday are good ones. Compromise could be the way ahead.

mosschops30 · 28/12/2007 21:26

dd has been to eurodisney twice and doesnt want to go again.
the idea of a self catering place in france would be me getting up, getting to supermarket, cooking food ....... hmmm just like home at least you can eat out in the states and its cheap enough

I really want to do something special this year, thailand, USA, Hongkong, posh hotel in spain/cyprus etc

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mosschops30 · 28/12/2007 21:28

Oh i missed that, yeah my mum has offered to babysit if we want a romantic week away. But on a cost side, it seems crazy to spend £2k on a european destination then another £1k on a short trip to NYC when we could have a family holiday of a lifetime

OP posts:

NorthernLurkerwithastarontop · 28/12/2007 21:37

Thing is - it's only going to be a holiday of a lifetime if you are all on board with it so to speak - I think maybe you should let it go for a week or so then start again by asking dh to make a decision or you're going to a women only retreat in Nepal!

Leaving him with the kids

mosschops30 · 28/12/2007 21:45

Lol great idea, I was gonna do that actually and stay with my friend in shanghai but he didnt go for that either

OP posts:

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Quattrocento · 28/12/2007 21:54

You know he might be right about Florida if your DS is too young. We ended up there once after what might best be described as an unfortunate series of events, and I reckon around 7-10 is about ideal for Disney.

Anyhow what do you plan to do? Drag him kicking and screaming on a holiday he plainly does not want to go on?

Wouldn't it be altogether nicer to find somewhere else that you both want to go to?

NorthernLurkerwithastarontop · 28/12/2007 21:55

Don't laugh - but what about Norway - it would be different!

TheYoungVisiturkeyandstuffing · 28/12/2007 22:05

Sorry, but (in the nicest possible way) I think you are being a bit unreasonable. Surely the point of a family holiday is to find something you will ALL love? It sounds a bit like you and your mum have cooked this up because you would both love it, your DH feels barraged into it and unable to give his feelings without sounding ungrateful/mean to your mum.

He shouldn't HAVE to go on a holiday he's not keen on just because your mum is paying, and he certainly shouldn't have to cough up 1.5k for the privilege.

IMO you need to think about what you actually want from this. If you want a lovely holiday for you and for your mum to have a rest and a good time then go to Disneyland with your mum and take a separate holiday with him. If you want a fabulous family holiday then find something you are ALL keen on.

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