Aibu, equal Christmas gifts?

[Zarabell]

I know it's a Christmas one but it's an aibu.

I don't want to go into too much detail and be outed, but simply, I have a large family, children of my own, my parents, grandparents, siblings and nieces and nephews.

All of my siblings have children, some of their children have partners and children and so on.

I've always spent around £30 each on my nieces and nephews, but it's becoming too much.

Some of my nieces and nephews are adults now, and they don't even send me a card at Christmas. I don't mind this, they have their own families now, but I'm thinking now would be a good time to stop sending gifts to the adult nieces and nephews.

I would still send a Christmas card and a token present such as some chocolates but that's it. I think this is probably fair and I'd buy for the small children only.

I'm only a bit worried because one of my siblings spends a lot on me and my children, I don't ask for anything and they aren't well off but they must just love Christmas. I think they'll be offended if I don't spend out on their children, even though their children are now adults.

Wwyd?

[PotteringAlong]

It's less than 3 weeks before Christmas. I would maintain the status quo for this year and have a conversation with them in August / September next year about changing it.

[SewButtons]

I wouldn't buy for adult neices and nephews. My aunts and uncles dont buy for my sister and I anymore as we are adults but my parents still buy for my cousin's as they are still children/teenagers

[Zarabell]

I have dropped hints throughout the year that I'm not going to go mad this year, and about cutting back for adults.

The fact is that I can't really afford it. I love Christmas but there are just so many of us now.

[DoItTooJulia]

Why don't you drop the value down to £20 for this year and tackle it in sept next year like PotteringAlong says?

[StefCWS]

Too late to be asking this, raise it with them next year in preparation for next xmas. They may be just as happy to have the same conversation .

[Sunshine59]

I'm the same as you, I buy for nieces and nephews, and have done since they were small, but now they are adults, both have partners and actually earn more than me now. We don't get a card or token , so this year I have cut back by about £15 each, I'm not made of money. I have my own 3 DS

[woodhill]

My ds no longer buys for my dc as they are adults- absolutely fine

[Zarabell]

Thank you.

Do I actually need to have a conversation about this with people?

[YelloDraw]

Do they all buy for you?

If not you have no obligation to buy them anything at all. All this 'too late to stop for this year' is crap if it isn;t 2-way.

[SenseiWoo]

In our extended family nephews and nieces only get presents up to age 18. Every year my aunts and unclesd send something for my two kids, usually something small. I send a present to them that the whole family can enjoy. One year it was a chocolate fountain, or I get a board game, hamper, something like that.

So if I were you I'd announce over-18s don't get presents but perhaps just send one thing for everyone (even if you only do it this year to soften the blow).

[YelloDraw]

Do I actually need to have a conversation about this with people?

Only if it is a 2-way gift exchange. If you buy for them and get nothing back, why on earth woudl you need to 'warn them' you were stopping?

[Zarabell]

It's just become awkward, a handful of my nieces and nephews are in their twenties. While they still lived at home I bought gifts, but now they are married with their own children and homes. They have children the same age as my children.

It's just awkward to send them gifts but not buy for their spouses, then I've got great nieces and nephews (their children).

[harderandharder2breathe]

I think it's crazy and I love Christmas

I'm from a big extended family and my grandparents send me a card and I send them one, I have one aunt out of about 10 that sends me a card. Presents stopped when I was about 10 (possibly as more of my cousins came along )

£30 on adult nieces and nephews that don't send you so much as a card is insane!

[Zarabell]

No, they don't even send my a card!

I don't mind, I don't want them to, but I've only really kept it up for the sake of my Christmas mad sibling as they're her children.

[NotMoreMinecraft]

You could also just buy a family gift for that house, like a hamper of foods they'd like. Don't spend all that money on them if not getting something back

[Zarabell]

Well I thought I'd send like a tin of nice biscuits and a card to their family iyswim?

But quit with the presents.

[crazycatzz]

No presents for under 18's and no I wouldn't mention it I would just do it from now on.

[GeorgiePeachie]

Why don't you ween them off expensive gifts. buy them something for a tenner this year then a token next year then a card then nothing.

[NoSquirrels]

Family gift and a card. If you do it this year, they'll all naturally cut back next year as well.

Your Christmas-mad sibling obviously hasn't managed to instill it into her children, if they don't even send you a card! They'd have to be a bit odd to get the hump.

Can't honestly remember but sure my aunt & uncle stopped buying for us once we'd left home (i.e. finished uni and independent workers).

[RestlessTraveller]

I hate all this just presents for children thing. Christmas is not just for kids. I'm an adult and my aunts and uncles but for me and I buy for them. Why don't you just cut back on what you spend on everyone? Say £10 each?

[Zarabell]

Thanks for all the opinions.

Christmas isn't just for kids, but when you have more than 10 nieces and nephews plus great nieces and nephews, it isn't always sustainable.

It's also awkward because they have partners, do I buy for all their partners too? What about my nieces and nephews children?

[atticusclaw2]

Presumably you bought for your DSis's DC when they were small just as she does for yours whilst they are small. Therefore its equal anyway

Knock it on the head and send them a tin of quality Street as a family.

[mydietstartsmonday]

I would just send a family present - nice biscuits, chocs whatever & a card.
That is fine, don't break yourself if it is an expense you cant afford. You don't have to have a conversation with anyone just do it.

[Mouseinahole]

We only buy for children in a family with children . When those children marry and have dc we only buy for dc. The adults we buy for are our own dc and a couple of friends without children.

[PlumsGalore]

I wanted 18 to be the cut off in our family for birthdays (we don't do Christmas for nephews and nieces at all anymore) - SIL 2 insisted 21should be the cut off SIL 1 agreed with me, so SIL 1 and I went with 18 and SIL 2 and I went up to 21. As adults with their own families it is bonkers.