A couple we have known for about three years and became very close to are getting married one month after myself and my fiancé next spring. We are close to the couple myself and the female of the couple text pretty much every day and we meet up when we can. She always says what a great friend I am to her etc. She told us categorically we were invited to their whole wedding, lots of "I wish you were my bridesmaid you mean so much to me" etc. They asked us to book a room in their venue (expensive but we did it). You can see where this is going.
They have exactly the same number of day guests as us, a large ish amount, above 100. They are invited to our full day and now we have been told they are struggling for numbers and we have been moved to an evening invitation.
I feel really annoyed because we have paid for the hotel for an evening do which I wouldn't normally do and we have given them a full day invitation which I also wouldn't have done as I feel er down as they have misled us and obviously decided we are not as close as they were making out.
They are having lots of friends by the way not just family.
It's annoying because we struggled with our list too but wouldn't dream of just inviting them to the evening. WIBU to tell them we are disappointed or just not bother going?
AIBU?
Evening and not day invitation
WritersBlockk · 05/12/2016 22:06
Struggling with numbers when they have over 100 coming? Doesn't suggest you are at all a priority. And retracting an invite is the height of rudeness. I'd definitely cancel the room. Ask the hotel if they have a waiting list of lucky daytime guests 
who would take up a room if one became free.
If the room can be cancelled (not the cheque 
) then cancel it!
I'd be totally miffed whatever now, even if they then come back and say someone's dropped out, you can come ! This a particular bug bear of mine.
I also agree Dowager Cuntess, this sort of arrangement is rude and makes people feel bad.
The only way it might be appropriate [and even then it's risky] is if the bride and groom are wanting to invite acquaintances [ie. work colleagues who are not friends] and then I think they could possibly just be invited to the evening do without offence.
However there's still a risk of hurt feelings imo and this is why I would never do it. And definitely never ever with people I would classify as 'friends'... whether this be best friends, close friends or even acquaintance friends.
I had this happen to me once, although the bride and 'friend' had told me that only family were invited to the wedding ceremony and friends were being invited to the after party at the pub. I turned up earlier than expected to the after party [which actually the bride knew about and had encouraged but must have forgotten about] to discover that a lot of her friends [and people I also knew and socialised with] had been invited to the ceremony and the after party. So my 'friend' had basically downgraded me without telling me and then kept up the pretence and probably hoped she wouldn't be caught out. It was very very hurtful and our friendship has never really recovered [there were other reasons as well but this was the last straw].
So I empathise OP and can completely understand why you are hacked off!
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