...to stab my DH...

(79 Posts)
liz70 Fri 02-Sep-16 12:23:30

...for keeping me awake yet again with his snoring, grunting and farting last night? angry Sadly, though, I fear his life insurance pay out would be pretty derisory.

Oh, to have separate bedrooms. #dream on

RunningLulu Fri 02-Sep-16 12:24:25

Nope. I had no sleep last night because my husband did the same thing

NoCapes Fri 02-Sep-16 12:24:40

You're going to get some flak for that title OP

hels18 Fri 02-Sep-16 12:26:31

Mine ends up in the spare room when he snores loudly, especially after a few beers!

I feel for you!

Boogers Fri 02-Sep-16 12:26:43

If you stab him then the life insurance wouldn't pay out to you. (lighthearted!)

Can't you do the elbow in the ribs or turn him onto his side?

liz70 Fri 02-Sep-16 12:28:55

"You're going to get some flak for that title OP"

I should hope that most readers are sufficiently intelligent to take it in the relatively light-hearted spirit in which it was intended. smile

Buzzardbird Fri 02-Sep-16 12:29:04

Do you have a comfy sofa?

And no, it's not ok to stab anyone.

SexLubeAndAFishSlice Fri 02-Sep-16 12:29:31

Stabbing is never lighthearted. Never. I sincerely hope you never have to experience one of your loved ones die or almost die from being stabbed.

SexLubeAndAFishSlice Fri 02-Sep-16 12:32:10

"I should hope that most readers are sufficiently intelligent to take it in the relatively light-hearted spirit in which it was intended. smile"

Fucking hell. I should hope that most people are sufficently intelligent enough to not make light of stabbing people angry

90daychallenger Fri 02-Sep-16 12:33:19

YANBU, OP, stab him in the eye.

Some of the responses on here are perfect exemplars of why MN is getting boring. Serious sense of humour failures. I suspect lots of MNers have funny threads they want to start but can't be bothered explaining that it's light hearted so just never both. And thus...

liz70 Fri 02-Sep-16 12:34:09

"If you stab him then the life insurance wouldn't pay out to you. (lighthearted!)"

Bollocks. Hadn't thought of that.

"Can't you do the elbow in the ribs or turn him onto his side?"

I do, but then he rolls back over again. Then just when I've drifted off, the sound of an asthmatic warthog the git, on his back, snoring his head off, wakes me up again. angry envies single people just now

manyathingyouknow Fri 02-Sep-16 12:35:06

Sense of humour police are out today.

YANBU OP. But do it with a toothpick

Longdistance Fri 02-Sep-16 12:36:03

Stab him in the arse.

Buzzardbird Fri 02-Sep-16 12:37:41

Rather than the PA comments at people who have obviously been affected as "sense of humour police", why not address that poster directly?

NoCapes Fri 02-Sep-16 12:37:47

Told you smile

Glue bits of lego on his back so when he rolls on his back it is agonisingly painful. You might not get much more sleep but neither will he so you will feel vindicated.

<<small serious note - if he is snoring and grunting in his sleep he might need to see his GP and get checked for Sleep Apnoea>>

SheDoneAlreadyDoneHadHerses Fri 02-Sep-16 12:38:12

Sex I've had a family member killed by being run over by a 10-wheeled articulated lorry, but if OP had come on and said "AIBU to run my DH over" I'd understand it was not meant in a serious fashion.

SexLubeAndAFishSlice Fri 02-Sep-16 12:38:30

Clearly none of you have ever had a phonecall at 3am to say that your brother's lungs are giving up, after a week of being in ICU with 16 stab wounds and a slit throat, and to get to the hospital asap if you want to say goodbye to him while he's still alive.

No?

Well I have. And it's fucking horrific. Not something I ever want to joke about.

SheDoneAlreadyDoneHadHerses Fri 02-Sep-16 12:39:36

liz my DP snores and I end up pinching him when he's at his worst. Not hard, just enough to unsettle his sleep so he shifts position.

Then I lie there plotting his death.

Buzzardbird Fri 02-Sep-16 12:41:14

Sex flowers how awful.

I am loving that idea Chaz

user1472816341 Fri 02-Sep-16 12:43:14

DW put a big scratch down the side of our new car yesterday through sheer carelessness. WIBU to throw her down the cellar stairs?

Ha ha, just kidding. Hope the sense of humour police aren't out in force today.

90daychallenger Fri 02-Sep-16 12:43:39

SexLube Not that specifically, no.

But my dad was an alcoholic and died from it in a horrible way. I understand that when people recommend drinking copious amounts of wine to cope with work, children, DH etc., it's light hearted

Buzzardbird Fri 02-Sep-16 12:47:33

It's one thing to balls up and say something intended to be light hearted which upsets someone.
It's quite another when you start attacking that person who is clearly upset.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Fri 02-Sep-16 12:49:41

With a fork. Also comes in handy for noisy eating dh - a sly nudge of the prongs usually instigates better table manners.

Sex
I am sorry for what you went through. I am sure the OP didn't mean to cause you any pain. flowers

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