Before we had children our parents lived within 30 mins of each other. When I was pregnant my parents announced they were going to move to the other side of the country. They have always been very upfront about not wanting to help with or look after our children and I appreciate their honesty. They like hearing about the children and enjoy us visiting. Because of the distance, we visited 3-4 times a year. In laws also like being visited and have been similarly disinclined to babysit until the death of FIL a few years ago. MIL now has one child at a time for a sleepover 1-2 times a year and they really enjoy this time they spend with her. After FIL died, MIL moved away to the same city as SIL. MIL is getting more "elderly" and needs help with shopping and general wrangling. SIL works full time and is often away at weekends, so this tends to fall to us, usually at the weekend when DH is about with the car. My parents are also getting on. DM is in early stages of dementia. DF is struggling to cope. Last year they moved again to a more remote area. It takes me nearly 7 hours to get there by train and taxi (I don't drive). It's 3 hours in the car, but we ALL have to go and so the DC essentially get no weekend (so no parties, friends, hobbies or relaxing) and neither do DH and I. I have 2 sisters who visit them 1-2 times a year (both are single and childless, so I feel they are less encumbered than me). I have asked my parents to consider moving nearer, but they refuse despite the fact that they are very car dependant and are unlikely to be able to stay there long term.
I am increasingly fed up of feeling we are the ones that do everything. That our sisters do not pull their weight. But also that the "social contract" has been broken - both sets of parents have refused to babysit even occasionally, and have made positive decisions to relocate away from us. AIBU to cut back our visits (whether the slack is picked up by our sisters or not)?
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AIBU?
... To want to cut back on parent visiting?
59 replies
souperb · 11/08/2016 21:52
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