Inlaws visiting

(142 Posts)
HeCantBeSerious Sat 30-Jul-16 22:39:44

(Apologies. I'm a long time poster but have forgotten my mumsnet password so reregistered. This may be long.)

DH's family live some distance away - around a 5 hour drive. To say visits are infrequent would be an understatement. We travel to them several times a year (there are loads of them so we try to see them all. It's harder now DC is in school.)

His parents were due to visit last Sept but cancelled to look after someone else's pet. They rearranged for Easter, then cancelled because another relative needed their help with something. (We later found out they didn't go to see the other relative but also didn't bother coming to us.) That was the last straw for me and I stopped encouraging DH to invite them down.

I'm a SAHM. DH's contract finishes at the end of August. We have no idea where we're going to find an income from then (I'm applying for things but not been successful yet). We've no holiday planned because we don't know whether DH will be able to take any time off. So August BH weekend will be the only decent chunk of time we'll have as a family.

He has today invited his parents down that weekend, so that he and his dad can go out drinking. His mother won't commit but says if they do come they'll be bringing DH's grandad who is not in good health and can't walk/do stairs. (We have no downstairs bedrooms and just one massive lounge. Granddad likes to be in bed by 9pm.)

He started arranging this with no consultation with me. I've just pointed out that he's basically asking me and DC to do very little with his mother and grandad while he goes out drinking with his father. I've said I'm not very happy about our only decent few days of family time being used in this way.

He thinks IABU because it's not often he gets chance to drink with his dad.

(We're in marriage therapy at the moment and this demonstrable lack of support is a common theme. I'm at my wits end with it.)

So where do I go from here?

(He also had a bit of a strop about us not having any plans to celebrate our wedding anniversary, which is one of the days he'd be out with his dad while I babysit his relatives.)

Aeroflotgirl Sat 30-Jul-16 22:43:28

He's a dick, I a would seriously consider a future with him.

HeCantBeSerious Sat 30-Jul-16 22:43:56

I also don't hold out much hope of this visit actually happening.

Onthecouchagain Sat 30-Jul-16 22:57:36

Let the man have a day with his dad. YABU.

Griphook Sat 30-Jul-16 23:01:47

He obviously wants to see his parents, can't you just get on with your own thing rather than hanging around with your mil and grandad.

HeCantBeSerious Sat 30-Jul-16 23:05:03

It's 2 days out of a 3 day weekend that he wants to be out with his dad.

LexieSinclair Sat 30-Jul-16 23:05:33

I think YABU. He just wants to see his parents, just let him get on with it.

Aeroflot Girl wtf?

Heratnumber7 Sat 30-Jul-16 23:05:47

YABU. You obviously don't see them very often. Let the man go out for a pint with his dad.

HeCantBeSerious Sat 30-Jul-16 23:06:14

He won't be seeing much of MIL will he?!

He can visit them whenever he likes. No problem for me. Neither MIL nor grandad drive and we're 2.5 miles from the nearest bus sto

HeCantBeSerious Sat 30-Jul-16 23:07:26

p etc. They'd be housebound (in my house) for 3 days if DC and I do our own thing.

LexieSinclair Sat 30-Jul-16 23:10:32

But that is not for you to worry about surely? Just let DH and the PIL think about that while you do your own thing?

HeCantBeSerious Sat 30-Jul-16 23:11:28

Perhaps. I'm tempted to book somewhere and go away. sad

HeCantBeSerious Sat 30-Jul-16 23:12:18

YABU. You obviously don't see them very often. Let the man go out for a pint with his dad.

It's a beer festival. So it's more like 15 pints, each, per day.

Heratnumber7 Sat 30-Jul-16 23:13:42

But it's not like it's every weekend. You said you hadn't seen them in ages. You sound very mean. These are your kids grandparents.

Heratnumber7 Sat 30-Jul-16 23:14:10

kids' blush

HeCantBeSerious Sat 30-Jul-16 23:17:31

In name, perhaps. They show zero interest. We're very much out of sight, out of mind.

We see them at least every 6-8 weeks because we spend a fortune travel up to see them for the kids' sake. They've not been here for over 2.5 years but they can fly to other continents to visit other relatives.

HeCantBeSerious Sat 30-Jul-16 23:18:26

That weekend is our only family time during the school holidays. AI really BU to want to spend it as a family rather than his way?

HeCantBeSerious Sat 30-Jul-16 23:19:28

DH may well have to work away from Sept if he has to go where the work is.

ohfourfoxache Sat 30-Jul-16 23:20:19

So DH has decided, unilaterally, that the only time he has available to spend with his wife and DC, he has invited his family to stay instead. With no thought as to how it will impact on op or his DC.

Oh! And to top it off, he will be going out on the piss with his dad, leaving op to look after his mother and grandfather.

Aeroflot is right. Fuck that, the guy is a self centred prick.

Heratnumber7 Sat 30-Jul-16 23:21:08

They ARE family.

HeCantBeSerious Sat 30-Jul-16 23:22:04

As I say, in name only.

HeCantBeSerious Sat 30-Jul-16 23:22:55

(After years and years of them clearly not giving a fuck I see them as DH and DC's family, not mine.)

ohfourfoxache Sat 30-Jul-16 23:23:14

OP I really, really think you should consider taking the DC away that weekend. Why the fuck should you be the one to "babysit"? If it's so important that he sees his family rather than spend time with his DC then why can't mil and grandad join him for a booze session?

HeCantBeSerious Sat 30-Jul-16 23:23:41

That's pretty much it, fox. Apparently he's entitled to though. hmm

ohfourfoxache Sat 30-Jul-16 23:24:49

HIS family Herat.

Fair enough, if he wants to see them he's more than entitled to. What he's not entitled to do it arrange all this behind op's back then expect her to entertain whilst he and fil go and get pissed.

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