To be FURIOUS with MIL??

[user1000]

Name changed for obvious reasons.

My baby is 3months old. I had a difficult birth and not an enjoyable time having him at all.

There are very few photos taken of us both during and after the birth (ECS) and the ones that were taken are extremely private and special to me.

Yesterday me and DH got tagged in a post on Facebook.
It's a video, like a slideshow of photos.
You guessed it, those photos are on there. There's one of DS straight after the birth, still covered in birth goo and there's one of me holding him straight after the birth (whilst I was haemorrhaging but didn't know yet) so obviously, I look like shit.

Me and DH were both shocked to see these private photos online and DH asked her to take them down. He said that we like the video and it would be lovely, if it wasn't on Facebook, and if she would mind taking it down.

Her reply was something like this "I've taken it down. (Which she hasn't) don't worry, I know that these aren't your words and this hasn't came from you. I won't put anything on Facebook again, you can be sure of that!!! And by the way, User has photos of DS in hospital on her Facebook so I didn't see why it would be such an issue."
The photos I've put on are when DS was a few days old to announce his birth. Not when he was first born covered in gunk!

AIBU to be furious at this?? The video is still there!

[KoalaDownUnder]

YANBU, what the hell is she thinking.

[OneBiscuitAtATime]

YANBU. Has your DH responded to say those WERE his words too, and does she realise she hasn't removed it?

[KimmySchmidtsSmile]

YADNBU
Send him round so she can hear it from HIM that it's not remotely acceptable. The more he is, the better, as she clearly thinks he's the puppet and you're the puppet master, which is disrespectful in itself.

[grannytomine]

She got it wrong, probably not malicious, your husband asked her nicely and she had a strop. Silly woman, you aren't the unreasonable one.

[pippistrelle]

How did she get hold of the private photos? If they were sent to her without a request not to share, then she had no reason to believe that sharing would be wrong. So, it depends on the circumstances.

[user1000]

He hasn't had chance to speak to her yet. He's on nights and text her before work last night.

He will be telling her though. Not that it'll make much difference, the sun shines out his arse in her eyes!!

[LokisUnderpants]

YANBU - I know that new grandma's get excited but frankly based on her reply to your DH she was being a downright bitch.

[pippistrelle]

She is wrong not to remove them immediately when asked to do so, though.

[SnotGoblin]

I think you are being slightly unreasonable. I have photos of me straight after the birth looking like shit clutching a goo covered baby but I put those up. It wasn't really a time in my life I was expecting to look anything other than shit and I'm not embarrassed about that.

If you had the photos up on your Facebook wall it might be difficult for someone else to understand your boundaries. It would have seriously annoyed me that she'd taken those photos but I can objectively see why someone a little older and unsure of social media rules would have thought it okay.

[Littlepeople12345]

Yanbu, how does she have the photos? I'd never let anyone else see my pics after I've just given birth. They are just for me, DH and our DC's to see.

I would report the video to FB to have it taken down.

[SnotGoblin]

Ah okay, I see the photos weren't on Facebook. She's being silly. Probably feels upset that she thought she was doing something nice etc.

Annoying for all when it doesn't have to be a huge issue but her behaviour now will make it one.

[user1000]

The photos were sent to her when DS was first born.
I totally understand that she may not have realised we didn't want them on there but her response to being asked to take them down is what I'm angry about

[JessicaRabbit3]

My mil did this when we had DD but I had her in the morning and posted a pic of baby and announced it for us. I wasn't too bothered but DH was. When we having DS recently I was getting induced and it was a long process she updated on fb about it.DP asked her to remove it and she thought she upset him. I understood she was just excited about the new arrival.

[mrsmortis]

Who took the photos? If you or your DH did then you may be able to claim copyright and get facebook to take them down for you. Also your child is a minor and as his parent you have some control over what pictures facebook have of him. Have a look here for more info:

www.facebook.com/help/428478523862899

[user1000]

Yes mrs my DH took them. I'll report it and try and get it removed.
I didn't want to do this because I didn't want to upset her but obviously that's happened anyway!

[Starspread]

We also had family post the private photos we'd sent them as soon as our baby was born, but when my DH contacted them to say 'I know you're excited and proud but actually we'd prefer not to have them on Facebook, sorry, our mistake for not specifying they're private' they were all absolutely fine about it, apologised and took them down straight away. I share that to say that this isn't a generational divide (at least not to such an extent that it's incomprehensible to an older generation) and it's not an unreasonable thing to ask at all; sorry your MIL seems incapable of taking it in properly. Hopefully she'll get there...

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

YANBU. My MIL would no doubt have done similar, given half a chance - when I was just pg with DS1, I told DH that I'd prefer he didn't tell her (I was about 7w pg at the time), but he couldn't help himself, and she'd told half of Australia* before my own parents/family/friends (luckily all in the UK) knew.

*mild exaggeration. But still.

[ParadiseCity]

Bloody hell. Post-birth pictures are extremely intimate and that is awful of her to share. I imagine most of the people who can see it feel rather uncomfortable as they effectively have been tricked into encroaching on something private, I know that is how I would feel.

FWIW my ILs visited whilst PFB was 30 minutes old and we were still in the delivery room with just a sheet to cover an awful lot of goriness. I don't know what they were thinking!! Next baby was born at home with the door double locked

[ShanghaiDiva]

YANBU - very thoughtless of her and she is now making a big issue of it. The sensible reaction would have been for her to take the photos down and apologise to you - end of issue.
I had an emergency section and would have been very annoyed if photos had been put on social media -sometimes wonder if anyone thinks before they post.

[GloriousGoosebumps]

She needs to learn that even Dil's have a right to privacy. Report the photos to Facebook and they'll take them down. Remember that as well as being in the photos your Dh will also have copyright if he was the photographer. How did Mil actually get copies of the photos?

[brodchengretchen]

Lousy manners from MIL, let's hope DH's are better. She should have asked your permission before posting the images, and accepted you decision to refuse without complaint. I'm afraid it looks like you can't expect her to behave decently. YADNBU

[user1000]

I think she next baby we have no one will be visiting until we are home and no photos will be shared at all.

The photos have been on for almost 24 hours now so whoever was going to see them will have seen them. Me and DH have untagged ourselves so none of our friends or my family can see them. If they're still on this afternoon when DH gets up I'll ask him to ask her again and if they're still there I'll report it.
Even my mum saw them and text me to ask if I was okay with it!

DH took the photos and sent them to her to announce DS had been born. We didn't think for a minute they would appear on Facebook 3 months later

[MidnightAura]

How rude of your MiL. Report it to Facebook!

[ChocChocPorridge]

Report to facebook - she doesn't have copyright of those photos (the picture taker does), and so she can't post them on facebook as she doesn't have permission to publish them, or agree to the rights that facebook makes you agree to when you publish them.