My friend has fallen out with me because we had a difference in opinion over Wills...!

(69 Posts)
Katyloo77 Fri 10-Jun-16 17:02:34

I have a friend whom is always on about her husbands parents will. I have sat and listened (too many times...) anyway yesterday she asked me what I thought. She can't stand his parents, and they have told her that if anything happened to their son, her husband the money would go to the children. My friend has a real issue with this and thinks it is totally wrong and feels not accepted by his parents! Anyway I said I thought she was been unreasonable and it is their money to do what they want with. I also asked why she was so bothered...as when the money comes his way they can share it anyway. She said but if something happens to him they should give to her ...not the kids. I said I don't think the parents are wrong and questioned why she would think the money would come her way if he was no longer around. Is it me that thinks this is wrong ? I left the house and she was in tears saying I thought you understood and were my friend!!! Confused....!

GraysAnalogy Fri 10-Jun-16 17:05:42

I hate it when friends get you involved in conversations like this and then don't like hearing the truth - a friend won't just tell you what you want to hear.

You're not unreasonable. She should be happy that any money would be given to her children at all. If she's going to fall out with you over this she isn't much of a friend.

dementedpixie Fri 10-Jun-16 17:06:57

Maybe you should have sympathised and empathised with her rather than sounding like you were siding with his parents. They don't sound very nice

You could have sympathised a bit that she doesn't get on with her in-laws, but the plain fact is that it would be very unusual to leave your estate to your widowed DIL. The norm, as per any "standard" will would absolutely be "my children but if they're not living at my death then their issue". And that would also be the case if they died intestate.

Strokethefurrywall Fri 10-Jun-16 17:11:17

Ummm, quite frankly if my DIL hated me I wouldn't want her to have my bloody money either!! I assume there are historical issues in any event.

The fact that she keeps talking about it is distasteful in the extreme. I assume she's eager for them to die?

Gwenci Fri 10-Jun-16 17:11:27

Why would OP sympathise if she doesn't agree?!

YANBU OP, if my DH died I wouldn't then expect a penny from his parents when they pass away! Of course it should then go straight to their grandchildren. I think your friend has very unreasonable expectations!!

Gramgram Fri 10-Jun-16 17:13:17

The PIL can leave their money to anybody they like, it is basically their business. Foe generations inheritances have always been kept in the family.

Maybe if her husband does die before them they would change their minds. But I think your friend is being more than a little unreasonable, especially as she doesn't like them.

flowery Fri 10-Jun-16 17:14:07

How strange! It wouldn't occur to me to think my PIL would leave me anything if anything happened to DH. Anything they would have left him would go to our DC in those circumstances I imagine.

VikingVolva Fri 10-Jun-16 17:15:18

I agree with AintNobodyHereButUsKittens and StrokeTheFurryWall

To children and then their issue is totally normal. And banging on about it is horrid.

Strokethefurrywall Fri 10-Jun-16 17:15:37

Also, is she anticipating her husband dying?

She sounds like a total money bore, tell her to get a fucking grip on herself!

Pettywoman Fri 10-Jun-16 17:17:57

Why would PIL give money to their DIL? She's could marry again and all their hard earned could go to a stranger. I'd be putting it in trust for my dgcs.

OP YANBU.

ThePinkOcelot Fri 10-Jun-16 17:19:37

The scenario she is talking about may never happen anyway. Why is she even thinking about it? Seems a bit premature to me, unless she is planning on doing her husband in!!

Griphook Fri 10-Jun-16 17:24:18

They don't sound very nice and op's friend sounds like an absolute charm

Gottagetmoving Fri 10-Jun-16 17:25:05

Ha,...your friend can't stand her PIL but expects them to leave their money to her! She sounds horrible, dwelling on what they should do with their money, anticipating their demise?....lovely!
She asked you what you thought...you were truthful (and right imo) So, if she has now fallen out with you, I would take the opportunity to leg it and forget about her....unless she gets a grip and grows up..

EverySongbirdSays Fri 10-Jun-16 17:29:22

It is not their role or place to give their DIL their money to spend. It goes to their children and their grandchildren.

Surely no-one thinks they have a claim on their in-laws money, just as I'm sure your friends parents would be expecting to fund their GCs but NOT their son-in-law

If she's going to sit whining about it, which is vulgar anyway, she needs to be told the truth

needastrongone Fri 10-Jun-16 17:30:30

Your friend is the sort that would post in AIBU and then argue like f**k against a consensus grin

teenagetantrums Fri 10-Jun-16 17:33:12

When my ex PIL died they left money for my kids not me, I would presume that was the norm, why would they leave me money? my parents if they have any money left will leave me me something, I hate the whole expectation that family should leave money for the next generation, its a nice thing if it happens but nobody should expect an inheritance.

ApostrophesMatter Fri 10-Jun-16 17:36:28

Our wills leave money to our DSs and if they predecease us it goes to their DCs. I thought that was the norm.

I inherited from my parents and DH from his. Their wills were phrased the same way.

AddictedToCoYo Fri 10-Jun-16 17:38:04

It is perfectly reasonable that if anything happens to the son then any inheritance due from his parents should go straight into trust for their grandchildren. If he dies then your friend will be looked after through his will.

The GPs obviously want to make sure that any money they would have left to their son did not get diverted to, or diluted by any potential new relationship your friend may have, or benefit any future step children from that relationship. I fail to see how anyone could have a problem with that.

EverySongbirdSays Fri 10-Jun-16 17:40:27

I did click on the title thinking hoping that you and your friend had fallen out over Prince William though grin

firesidechat Fri 10-Jun-16 17:40:44

It's normal I think to leave money to your children and if they die to your grandchildren instead. I imagine most wills are set up like that. I know ours are. Your friend is being ridiculous.

QuintessentialShadow Fri 10-Jun-16 17:41:23

She sounds unhinged. Has she made plans for her husbands immediate demise? How on earth has she been so crass as to bring it up with them?

AnnaMarlowe Fri 10-Jun-16 17:43:15

I have no idea what is in my PIL's will, however as they are very sensible I imagine any inheritance goes to my DH and then our DC.

I certainly wouldn't expect a bequest of my own and my PILs test me like their daughter.

I would assume my own DPs will is the same (and they adore my DH) but then again I haven't been rude enough to ask.

I'm hoping they all live to be centenarians anyway!

EverySongbirdSays Fri 10-Jun-16 17:43:37

Wait a second....

Is this a reverse?

HostaFireandIce Fri 10-Jun-16 17:43:44

Songbird, I thought the same thing! What a thing to fall out about, I thought.

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