Basically I have 2 boys, one a preschooler who goes to cm 2 days a week and a young baby who is starting to wean onto solids.
I'm on mat leave but due to return to work later this year. Dp is self employed but contracted so doesn't get to pick his days to work. He works a very physically demanding job and is generally out of the house by 7am often working miles away and doesn't come home til about 7pm. He is exhausted. He only works about 4 days a week tho.
I do the majority of the housework and everything child-related, take charge of the household bills and basically any other 'life-admin' that gets thrown in our general direction.
I never have 'me time', oldest son in the throes of potty training so all is fun in our house 
I am constantly run ragged from the minute I get up with the kids to the moment I get to bed at night. Always mountains of laundry to do and bottles to sterilise and general drudgery that comes with running a house.
Dp got home early last night, just before I'd started making tea. He came home to a howling hungry baby who I had just made a bottle for, a preschooler whose pants I had just changed (for the umpteenth time that day) and me who couldn't even get tea started because of the afore-mentioned things. I asked dp if he would give baby his bottle. He did, so I could make tea. Afterwards it was near enough bedtime for kids, I asked dp if he wouldn't mind getting kids ready for bed whilst I tidied kitchen and put laundry away. He did this begrudgingly as he was tired from work. I understand this.
Now the thing that gets my goat is even on his days off I do majority of housework, sorting kids etc, packing bags when we have to go out the house, sorting everything from birthday presents, buying groceries, taking kids to docs/dental appointments, that sort of thing. Dp will quite happily sit in the same room with the kids but he will be on his iPad or phone doing 'research' - just generally ignoring his spawn. He will 'help' when asked but other than that not really. The phrase that comes out of my mouth most often but not massively is 'can you just do me a favour and do x?'.
He was on his phone this morning doing 'research' in bed whilst I was downstairs giving kids their breakfast, washing up pots afterwards, and taking clothes which had been sat in the washing machine all night and put them in the dryer. I came upstairs and asked dp if he could get them dressed whilst I showered. He was on his phone on the Internet, and kicked up a shit-storm about how he never has any time to himself and how I'm always asking him to do stuff. Lets just say a row followed.
When he comes home late from work which is often, I, generally speaking have bathed kids and put them to bed, sorted out bottles for baby's night feeds which I do and cleared the kitchen. All dp has to do when he gets home from work is heat his tea up, eat it, wash his plate, have a beer and go to bed ready for the next day. I never ask him to do stuff around the home when he comes home late at night.
Today I have pretty much done everything even tho he has had a day off. We've argued about his lack of help around the home and how I nag him. We've attended my friend's child's birthday party, done the food shop and he has gone to his parents house for the night who live about 25 miles away as his family are visiting over Easter so he can go for a drink/get pissed with them. He moaned because I asked if wouldn't mind returning home at a reasonable hour the next day. 'Oh look, I can have a night out for once but with conditions attached. You just don't want me to see my family!' Errmmm.... Nope I've been suggesting you go out for a drink with them all week, you arse! 
Before he left the house tonight I was still pretty upset at the events of today and had been crying. After I bathed and put kids to bed (whilst he was on the phone to someone) I took clean clothes (mainly his work clothes) out of the dryer and was putting them away upstairs. He came up, saw me sorting the laundry, didn't bother to offer a hand even tho it was his stuff and asked 'did you empty my work pants pockets before they went in the wash?' I said yes. He asks me did I come across any lottery tickets in the pockets. I said no. He rifled thru the laundry basket despite the fact I was obviously upset, pulled out his work pants, checked the pockets and found some bits of paper which had been washed by accident. I an only assume they were the lotto tickets.
He then left the house in a huff! Not even an apology for being an arse.
I will be up tonite with baby. And up early the morning with oldest son. I have a back log of phone calls I need to make at some point which I can never get round to doing - dp knows this. And yet I seem to get sweet fa 'help' towards our responsibilities. His favourite lines are 'I don't understand why it takes you all day to do what you need to do. You shouldn't have washing to be putting away at night time' or another one is 'how do other mums manage?' Or the killer line which gets pulled out the bag as a last resort 'my mum had 7 kids and ran a business, why can't you cope?'. I can cope just fine ta very much, that's not the issue!!!
Sorry for long post. Aibu to feel absolutely fed up?!? I don't want pity, I just feel like I'm going out of my mind. Can't reason with him, he is irrational. Oh and has never looked after both kids for more than a couple of hours on his own.
AIBU?
Aibu for asking dp to help once in a while?
Monkeyonmyback · 27/03/2016 02:02
I don't know how to put stuff in quotations but I LOVE the part about why can't he come home after a long shift when he only has 2 kids and his mum had 7 and ran a business 
Made my night/early morning. May have to store that one in my memory 
Just wanted to give you some 
and tell you what a fantastic job you are doing. If your dh would start behaving like a partnership there would be no need for nagging so don't feel bad about that. I do agree with others that discussing how you can ensure you both get time to yourself is important. Even if your kids end up watching TV when he has them try not to worry about it and enjoy your time off so to speak.
If it helps at all, I left my ExH (he was exactly like yours and physically abusive to boot) when our DD and DS were 2 and 1. They certainly weren't and aren't unhappy about it, because they were too young to remember it. Neither of them have any memory at all of us ever living together. They are much happier though, as they see their Dad at the weekend and live with me and aren't subjected to the rows, abuse, attitude, etc etc.
Look at it this way, unless this situation resolves itself one way or another, you are going to spend the rest of your life/marriage demonstrating to your children every day how women are doormats who do housework and who are not deserving of any respect whatsoever.
Is that honestly what you want to teach your children?
Okay. Just read your last post. He sounds exactly like my ExH.
The way he is talking to your baby is abusive imho.
You will be just fine financially. You may not have much money, but you will have access to support and benefits as well as your salary. Tax Credits will help you with childcare. I was a working lone parent from the get-go. It's tough but manageable.
Ignore your parents. This is YOUR life and your CHILDREN'S lives. That is what matters. If they love you they will hopefully support you. Do they have any idea at all what an arse you are married to, or do you 'protect' them (and him) from it by pretending he's Mr Fantastic? I understand btw - it's incredibly hard to admit you are married to someone who treats you badly because you feel like an idiot for doing it in the first place and it can also feel like you are burning bridges. Don't let this stop you though.
Seriously, I really don't think this is going to get better. I'm sorry.
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