DD's party invites. AIBU to exclude girl who excludes DD.

(65 Posts)
Twowrongsdontmakearight Wed 24-Feb-16 22:04:39

DD is planning her 13th birthday celebration.

As a bit of background (a bit long, sorry) when DD started secondary all of her friends went to different schools so she has nobody from her old school in her class. She has taken a while to settle and find friends. At the end of Y7 she thought she was in a friendship group of 4 as well as being on the edges of other groups. She was a little closer to one of the group (A) as she lives nearby and they sometimes walk home together. But the 4 of them hung out together at lunch and breaks and sometimes went out after school. A couple of months ago DD found out that one of the 4, (B), had had a sleepover and excluded DD. Nothing mentioned but pics on FB. This happened three times. DD was hurt but being sensible decided not to make a fuss but drift more towards other groups. She is now closer to other groups and is fine. She still walks home with A occasionally.

So now it's coming up to her birthday and one of the activities she's looking at would limit numbers to 12. She's definitely inviting her new groups and as she went to A and C's parties, she wants to invite them too. So that makes the 12. She wouldn't be able to invite B, who has been excluding her. If she wanted to invite her she'd have to think of something else.

So what to do? I regularly read on MN how it is not on to exclude just one person in a group. However as this girl clearly doesn't think of DD as a friend I'm not convinced she should change her plans just so that she can invite her.

Wise fellow MNetters please advise.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 24-Feb-16 22:07:43

I think you're overthinking it. Get her to choose the activity she wants. Get her to choose the guest list. She's not inviting the whole class bar 1 and she's not excluding to be mean.

miraclebabyplease Wed 24-Feb-16 22:08:25

What goes around comes around. Do the activity she wants to do.

dementedpixie Wed 24-Feb-16 22:09:46

She can invite who she wants
I wouldn't over think it

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Wed 24-Feb-16 22:10:27

I hate kids being excluded, but let her and her parents get a taste of their own medicine

DancingDinosaur Wed 24-Feb-16 22:10:55

I think she should do as she wants.

janethegirl2 Wed 24-Feb-16 22:11:29

Invite who your dd wants, ignore the 'friend' that excludes your dd.

Tigresswoods Wed 24-Feb-16 22:11:33

Do it but no photos on social media. No need to stoop to their lows.

ExitPursuedByABear Wed 24-Feb-16 22:12:15

B clearly doesn't see them as a group. So no harm in not inviting her.

ollieplimsoles Wed 24-Feb-16 22:13:34

Your DD should absolutely do the activity she wants for her birthday, screw the other girl!

And good on your DD for handling being left out in a really grown up way.

MLGs Wed 24-Feb-16 22:13:44

Yes, let DD chose the 12 kids she wants (or 11 if it's 12 including DD).

SquinkiesRule Wed 24-Feb-16 22:13:46

Let her pick who she wants, why should she change plans for someone who clearly doesn't want her included in the group.

SaucyJack Wed 24-Feb-16 22:14:21

I think your DD should invite who she wants.

Either this girl is a moobag who deserves it, or (with no ill feeling) her and your DD are simply not close.

Either way, chuck it in the fuckit bucket.

WorraLiberty Wed 24-Feb-16 22:15:20

She's 13

I think you need to take a step back and let her invite who she wants.

BathtimeFunkster Wed 24-Feb-16 22:17:08

YANBU

Leaving someone out is mean. But she is distancing herself from this girl due to being left out herself and hurt by it.

Forcing her to invite under these circumstances would send a very odd message to her.

She has done really well in dealing with a hurtful situation. Inviting the person who hurt would be a backwards step.

scarlets Wed 24-Feb-16 22:18:00

At 13, it's her choice. It sounds to me as if B doesn't think that they're particularly close anyway, so shouldn't be surprised.

BillSykesDog Wed 24-Feb-16 22:19:06

When I opened this I thought you were going to say you were just leaving her out for no reason. But there is a numbers restriction and B doesn't invite her to her parties etc. It's a no brainer, just don't invite her. DD shouldn't have to change her plans to invite someone who isn't her friend.

MissBeaHaving Wed 24-Feb-16 22:19:14

I agree with all the other pp,let your Dd invite who she wants.

Twowrongsdontmakearight Wed 24-Feb-16 22:25:12

Thank you everyone for your replies. I will let DD choose who to invite. It's very strange because I don't really know her friends nowadays. And definitely no FB pics. It would seem appropriate.

Twowrongsdontmakearight Wed 24-Feb-16 22:25:52

Wouldn't seem appropriate !

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 24-Feb-16 22:26:53

Either way, chuck it in the fuckit bucket. It's rare I LOL while looking like this grin instead of writing it while looking like hmm This was one of those times.

WorraLiberty Wed 24-Feb-16 22:30:19

I don't think it's fair to stop her posting pics of her 13th Birthday on FB, if that's what she wants to do.

The others are bound to anyway.

Italiangreyhound Wed 24-Feb-16 22:32:05

Your dd should do as she likes and invite who she likes.

sleeponeday Wed 24-Feb-16 22:32:21

She's not inviting the whole class bar 1 and she's not excluding to be mean.

This. If she asks someone who never asks her it would IMO be sending the wrong message to both girls - that yours is a supplicant, essentially. As long as she is pleasant and kind, and is returning party favours to the two girls who do see her as a friend, then all is well. (I am assuming excluding girl didn't invite her to her own party, either.)

MadamDeathstare Wed 24-Feb-16 22:37:15

I'd wouldn't worry about it either. You aren't excluding her because of not inviting your DD to her party, she isn't being invited because of the numbers restriction and she isn't a particularly close friend of your DD.

I suspect your DD wasn't invited to the sleepover because the parents could only cope with so many children at a time. Your DD just didn't make the 'closest friends' cut. This is just a repeat of that. It happens. It isn't nice when your child is on the receiving end of it (BTDT), but quite often, people can't invite everyone they would really like to.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now