To ask nursery/parents not to let toddler nap or am I 'controlling'?!

[PenelopeChipShop]

I work p/t, mostly 3 but sometimes 4 days a week. My DS is 2 years 9 months and spends two days in nursery and either one or two days (depending what week it is) with my parents while I'm working.

He has never been a 'good sleeper' but long story short, I think he's ready to stop napping and that it will improve night time sleep.

Nursery put all the toddlers down for a nap for an hour or so. When he's with my parents they try to go for a drive so he'll snooze in the car seat, and I suspect this is about 1.5 hours. Trouble is, on those days his bedtime is getting later and later - when I've been at work I obviously want to spend a bit of time with him after getting in, but even aside from that I'm finding I can't get him to settle til about 8.30/9pm which is surely too late for a toddler??

The odd thing is he definitely sleeps worse when he's gone to bed later - wakes up more often and gets up earlier in the morning (think 5.30/6am!) after a late night, whereas when he's settled at 7 he'll sleep til 6.30/7am.

So I think it's best to drop the naps and try to get him doing a good long sleep EVERY night for his own benefit. Asked my mum to try not to let him sleep today and got a big long lecture about being too controlling and how naps are good for them and bedtimes don't matter.

Very rich coming from her since I DISTINCTLY remember being put to bed early at a much older age and not being allowed to watch programmes I wanted etc!! AIBU to say I am in charge of his routine, or is this one of those things you need to 'let go' if they're in someone else's care?

The thing that bothers me is that I feel he's constantly a bit sleep deprived - I just want him firing on all cylinders and truly think stopping napping will help him sleep BETTER!

[MollieCoddler]

Sleep breeds sleep so I think yabu

[GloGirl]

I agree with Molly,

[loismustdieatyahoodotcom]

I think Yanbu. Every child is different but ours seem the same, in the fact that a nap = later bed times and earlier wakings. Just do what works for and no in my case sleep didn't breed sleep

[loismustdieatyahoodotcom]

*works for you.

[Floggingmolly]

How can you not "let" toddlers sleep? Mine zonked out when and where they pleased.

[feesh]

You know him better than anyone else. So you should be able to tell other people what his routine is and expect them to keep to it. Maybe a compromise would be to limit naps to 1 hour max? I thought my twins were ready to drop their naps, but since I started waking them after an hour, they've been much more consistent in sleeping well both for naps and at night.

[TeddyBear5]

I think it depends on his behaviour if he doesn't nap. It's unreasonable to expect them to struggle with a tantrum filled afternoon because he's overtired.

[museumum]

If he seems sleep deprived then his other carers will want to let him nap. It will feel cruel to them to prevent him if he's tired.
However I do understand where you are coming from. I think if I were you I'd still try to get him down between 7 and 8 regardless of whether he's napped or not.

[PenelopeChipShop]

Haha Floggingmolly when I said 'long story short' I'm leaving out the details of just how shocking he's always been at sleeping! Some of them just don't do that, my DS has always needed help to sleep. So without being given the opportunity it just wouldn't happen.

I am convinced that he's only capable of sleeping on those days because he was sleep deprived the night before. Want to break the vicious cycle.

[Coyoacan]

Yabu. Sleep-deprived toddlers are a pain.

A friend of mine used to insist that the nursery didn't let her dd sleep a nap, and the poor child was a misery every afternoon.

My dd gave up naps of her own accord when the time came.

[redskybynight]

Both my children definitely went through a stage where if they had a nap they wouldn't go to bed until late BUT they struggled to cope if they didn't have one.

So whilst I think it's fine to say "no nap", you might have to accept that if your child is genuinely tired it is going to be very difficult to keep them awake!

[Floggingmolly]

Mine always did it at the most inconvenient times, Penelope. I have had no control over the little sods whatsoever...

[Eminado]

Agree with Feesh. I think a compromise ie time limit might be best.

I am not sure a total drop in naps would be good (although I do completely see and empathise about battling a child into bed after a long day at work).
However, maybe the carers (not so much nursery) need a break mid afternoon? I certainly do . Toddlers can be quite full on (well, mine is!). I need those naps to just gather myself.

However I do think unlimited naps are no good either.

Maybe have a chat to GPs and explain the impact. They may not realise.

[SleepRefugee]

Sleep doesn't always breed sleep, not all children are thesame.

My DD stopped napping before she was 2 (she never just "zonked out" anywhere, no matter how tired, except on car journeys longer than 2-3 hours). On the rare occasions she did sleep in the day, no matter for how long, this negatively affected her night-time sleep.

So, if it's possible to keep him up in the day and that means he sleeps better at night, it sounds like a no-brainer to me!!!

[Naty1]

Cant you drop naps on days you have him and see how he is in afternoon.
My 2.10 dd is between having and not having.
Seems strange for parents to go for a drive for a nearly 3yo if he naps at nursery

[PenelopeChipShop]

SleepRefuge, that's that I think, I know him best… I've always hated that expression 'sleep breeds sleep', it just ISN'T TRUE for truly bad sleepers, and parents who haven't had to really battle with this don't understand!!

Surely most toddlers drop their nap by about 3 anyway don't they as a Pre-School wouldn't let them nap would they? He's my first so I don't know that for sure… but my friends with 3- and 4-year olds seem to have ditched naps long ago.

I really think it's counterproductive now. This isn't about me wanting it to be easier to put him to bed as I like having a play with him once I'm in, I just want what's best for him and I don't think staying up til 9pm and then waking at 5.30/6 is enough sleep!

[insancerre]

It can a difficult transition going from a nap to none
If a patent requested their child not to sleep I always tell them we will try but if a child falls asleep then they obviously need a nap
Sleep deprivation is a form of torture used the world over
Ofsted do not like nurseries that deny children sleep, not even if the parents say no sleep
They also don't like it when children ate woken up. They prefer children to regulate their own sleep
I tend to agree with them

[shewept]

Yanbu. My ds was the same. Naps meant late night, worse sleep through the nights, longer nap the next day, worse sleep at night and so on.

But for a couple of months I told the nursery not to put him down for a nap, but if he was tired or laid down of his own accord, that was fine. They were happy with that and so were we.

So on the days he was very tired, he had a nap. The days he wasn't fussed he didn't. He slept much better at night and stopped having naps altogether within a few months.

Neither of my kids have been the 'sleep breeds sleep type'. DD stopped napping at 18 month on her own.

[PeachyPants]

I don't think it's controlling and I don't think YABU to ask but as other people have said I found naps very difficult to get my younger DC to have them and to get my oldest DC to stop them, he would nod off regardless of what we were doing and trying to keep him cranky. I'd give it a go on your days and if it seems doable ask your parents and nursery.

[PenelopeChipShop]

Naty1 I've just realised I cut that info from my post originally - he never naps on the days when he's with me, and he then goes to bed at about 7 and sleeps far better. He still wakes every night (just ALWAYS has done) but will sleep for a longer stretch and also later the next morning.

I think he'd benefit from doing that every day but I can't control it as he has a different routine when I'm at work. I'm trying to make all his days more consistent. But I suspect the real reason GPs and nursery do it is, as someone pointed out, to get a break themselves!

[Mrsjayy]

Ask who ever has him if they could let him nap for no more than an hour its a bloody nightmare when they dont sleep at night but being over tired doesnt help with night sleeping either so if he is still needing a nap then he obviously needs it

[TeddyBear5]

Again, what's his behaviour like if he doesn't nap?

[fellowship33]

My dd dropped naps at 2.5 years - it was taking 40 mins to get her to sleep for 15 mins!

In your situation I would ask nursery not to let him nap (unless he seemed beside himself on the day) but I wouldn't bother arguing with your mum.

[TarkaTheOtter]

My dd wouldn't go to bed until 11pm if she had a nap at that age so I don't think YABU. It can take a bit of adjustment and he might still need some quiet time in the afternoon but I think you are right to assume he is getting too much sleep at present if he is better when you have him. If they are having to take him for a drive to get him off to sleep it doesn't sound like he is really needing it anyway.

Maybe you could see if your DM would like to have him overnight one night and she might see what you are up against.

[Almostapril]

Both mine were on restricted nap or no nap at that point. If they napped I couldn't then get them to bed until 10pm and then they woke early. It was hell. I begged nursery to not let him nap. I almost cried once when they happily told me DS had napped for 90min mud afternoon as I knew my eve would be hellish again.
By 3 naps had gone and nighttime sleep was better than ever.