WIBU to suggest/ask this re school run?

(77 Posts)
vvviola Wed 13-Aug-14 00:19:01

I've been offered extra hours at work. The money would be really useful, but childcare is a bit of a problem. At the moment I work part time, so I can pick up DD1 from school.

If I took on the extra hours I'd have to work later 2 days a week, so wouldn't be able to pick her up. DH can work from home those days, but he can't be sure he would be able to leave the house to pick her up (conference calls/time sensitive work).

WIBtotallyU to ask a school friend's Mum if she could bring her home those days? They love 2 minutes walk from us, so it wouldn't be very far out of her way. I would offer to bring her DD home from school on any of the other days of the week.

The girls are good friends and walk to school together most morning (we do a walking school bus, with parents taking it in turns to bring the children). This Mum is always willing to cover days when other parents are unable to do their scheduled day, so I'd hate to look as though I'm taking advantage. But obviously it would be a two-way thing. I wouldn't expect her to do it without offering to do the same in return.

And if I wouldn't be completely unreasonable to ask, should I text her so she has the opportunity to think about it without being put on the spot? Or is it better to ask face to face?

itiswhatitiswhatitis Wed 13-Aug-14 00:22:28

Are you talking about just picking your dd up and dropping her home or will you need her to look after after school too? To be honest it's not something I would want to commit to and I would feel put on the spot.

Sounds like she is more an aquaintance than close friend, think it's too big an ask.

vvviola Wed 13-Aug-14 00:27:53

Literally just dropping her home. DH will be there, he just may not be able to leave the house to do pick up.

She's more than an acquaintance (we've gone on ladies nights out a couple of times, been over at each other's house for coffee once or twice), but not a good friend but then I haven't got many good friends here, it's been hard for me to make friends

The alternative is an after school club that DD1 hated and has very little supervision (she used to go once a week when I was studying - more than once when I went to collect her I was told "I'm sure she's around her somewhere", where "here" was the entire school grounds - I found her at the far end of the sports field)

Maryz Wed 13-Aug-14 00:39:02

You need to bear in mind that she might not always be coming home, and make it clear that any day, for any reason, she can call you and say "it doesn't suit today".

If your dh can collect on those days, then it's fine to ask.

When I was at home with my three, I really hated being expected to do set days, as one of the joys of being at home was being able to say "oh, the sun is shining, lets go straight to the beach/park/Granny's/whatever".

This would especially apply to if her child was sick or absent for any reason.

If your dh could cover if necessary, then of course ask.

When I had two finishing at different times I did split runs with a friend who had children in the same classes and it worked great.

vvviola Wed 13-Aug-14 06:04:13

That's the thing, DH can never guarantee being able to get away.

The more I think about it, while I think she would probably agree to do it, I think it's a bit much to ask, especially as the weather improves and we're heading into summer. She has been really lovely and helped me out before (and equally I've helped her out), so I think it might be better to leave it like that, so we can call on each other in emergencies but not get stuck into having to do pick ups on certain days.

I think I might have to look into the after school club again. DD is a year older now, so maybe the more casual supervision won't be such an issue/won't bother me so much.

I think you should ask, while making it absolutely clear she can say no. She sounds nice, as do you, and you'd be offering to reciprocate.

magimedi Wed 13-Aug-14 09:17:02

I would write a wee note to her, asking her this & making it very clear that you won't be offended if she says no and that she is free to say if a day doesn't suit her.

By writing a note you give her time to think about it before she answers you (and say that). People can find it very hard to say 'No' outright when asked a favour.

InternetFOREVER Wed 13-Aug-14 09:23:29

You sound very thoughtful. I think the difficulty is the lack of any backup... what if her DD is ill one day and not at school herself, would your friend still have to collect your DD? If you can come up with a backup which means that this responsibility doesn't fall on your friend, it would be reasonable to ask. But if there really isn't a fall back plan then after school club probably the most reliable way of doing things.

InternetFOREVER Wed 13-Aug-14 09:24:44

Or is there any scope to setting up a walking bus for the way home, like you have in the mornings? That way a few parents could be involved and doesn't fall on just one of you.

Eva50 Wed 13-Aug-14 09:30:48

I would investigate the ASC or a childminder. I wouldn't mind bringing someone else's child home occasionally but wouldn't want to be committed to it. It's going to be a problem if her child is ill or she has to go somewhere if your dh can't pick up. How old is DD? When would she be able to walk home by herself?

vvviola Wed 13-Aug-14 09:37:47

DD is only just 7, so definitely not able to walk home from school alone. We tried to set up the WSB to come home last year, but it didn't take off - not enough people wanting to use it regularly.

Hmmm... I'll have another think. I think my worry might be that because she's so nice she'd say yes even though it doesn't really suit. I'd really hate to be taking advantage.

I wonder if I might be able to pay a university student to walk her home.

aNoteToFollowSo Wed 13-Aug-14 09:38:00

I wouldn't mind at all if you were asking me to do this. In fact I would be much more upset if I thought you had passed up a good opportunity for fear of asking. Also, I would be delighted at your offer of a liftscheme. But I do agree with the posters that say you need a plan for when she can't help you . Could you leave work early on those days, or could your DD understand that she willl simply have to do aftercare on the days that don't work out?

DaisyFlowerChain Wed 13-Aug-14 09:41:56

I've happily done this and don't mind being asked where people are clearly not just taking advantage.

Ask, the worse she can say is no.

deakymom Wed 13-Aug-14 09:43:58

you might have to give after school clubs a go again they might have improved?

moldingsunbeams Wed 13-Aug-14 09:51:50

i would do it.

BauerTime Wed 13-Aug-14 09:55:32

Don't see the problem in asking her, just say that in return on 2 of the other days that you can do the school run you will bring her daughter home as a return gesture. Also make it clear that if she can't do it at any time then you will make alternative arrangements and your dh will just have to manage to do it on those days.

Whilst its ok to set up this arrangement, i think that your dh will just have to arrange his day around the school run on the odd occasion. Employers are obliged to consider all requests for flexible working and although I don't know what his line of work is, I cant see how half an hour every now and then could be refused if he makes the time up at the end of the day. Has he spoken to his manager to discuss this possibility?

hamptoncourt Wed 13-Aug-14 09:56:02

I don't understand - you say school is only 2 minutes away? So why can't DH do it?

I often work from home but 5 minutes round trip couldn't make any difference, he could go for a poop that took that long!! He could be on another call. If something is scheduled for around pick up time surely he just says I can't do that because I already have XYZ booked in.

Flywheel Wed 13-Aug-14 09:58:06

I would happily do this. Not having to do the run myself a couple of days in return would be a big bonus. You do need a back up plan though.

KnackeredMuchly Wed 13-Aug-14 10:00:34

Asking for 2 days a week is a big commitment. I'd offer her the choice of money or a swap where you do it for 2 days.

Bouttimeforwine Wed 13-Aug-14 10:00:38

I'd ask as long as dp could do it if she occasionally wanted to go somewhere else. It probably wouldn't be very often and one disrupted conference call every blue moon, shouldn't be a reason to put in place after school care that your dd dislikes. Is that possible?

I would stress to her that you don't mind if she says no, and that you will review it regularly with no expectations, if she does agree.

she said the friend is 2 minutes away, not the school

Greyola Wed 13-Aug-14 10:03:29

My DDs friend walked home from y3 (about 20 mins walk to an empty house - her dad got home 20 mins after her). Her parents signed a disclaimer for school. If it is really close, with other people walking the same way & DH is at home - I'd say quite feasible.

You might also just put up a notice at school offering this as a job for - say - £5. Might be easier to arrange this as a commercial arrangement rather than as a favour iyswim. You might find it suits a TA?

Jennifersrabbit Wed 13-Aug-14 10:06:49

I don't think it would be outrageous to ask especially if you are offering to reciprocate - but yes you'd need back up for the times/ days she is unable to.

A Uni student seems a good idea too.

I don't know what DH does but could he not at least on some days, agree no conference calls between 2.30 and 3.30? It may not have occurred to him that it's possible - maybe nobody male has ever done it before - but it really doesn't sound outrageous unless he's the Prime Minister!

My DH went part time in a very non part time profession and he's had to train people to understand that certain things are possible and the world doesn't fall apart if they happen. Maybe your DH needs to do the same?

lucidlady Wed 13-Aug-14 10:10:53

I think your DH needs to accept this is part and parcel of being a father. My husband works in a very stressful job with global conference calls and tight deadlines, and he just blocks out the time in his diary. Just says he's not available for calls etc at that time. How far away exactly is the school?

Ilovexmastime Wed 13-Aug-14 10:16:05

I don't think that it's too much to ask, and if it were me, I'd do it. Like the others have said, just make it clear that if she can't do it for whatever reason that's not a problem either.

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