To think that many families are leading a sort of "half life" in the UK at the moment?

[AwfulMaureen]

Or is it just me? We're really not well off ...DH is a painter and decorator and I work for myself part time and earn about 200 a week. We have recently moved into a Housing Association home and it's very cheap but we still struggle.

The girl who lives opposite us is a single parent and she is REALLY struggling with a newish baby and a part time job...she can't pay her council tax.

I know a teacher, again a single parent and she is constantly living in fear of losing her home as the mortgage is such a struggle....she never buys anything new at all and has barely enough to pay for school trips.

The only people I know who are ok are those with two parents in professional careers who both work full time.

Those in unskilled work aren't really managing and those who ARE skilled but have no partner aren't managing. It's really shit.

[Doubletroublemummy2]

I fo know what you mean it is tough especially trying to stay positive, especially when the weather hasn't been verh helpful

[AwfulMaureen]

I'm not moaning...we're ok compared to so many but I feel angry on behalf of those who just aren't ok...and who aren't really in much of a position to make things better for themselves. I'm not sure what to do about it though

[WooWooOwl]

I don't think it's a half life, I think it's just real life for all but the few, but you have to look at it on a global scale.

I think the media has a lot to do with our perception of what life should be like, but the reality is that the vast majority of us have our hardships, whether they be emotional, physical or financial.

[VeryStressedMum]

We're doing well at the moment but it's only after a long hard struggle where dh has been unemployed and we had nothing, luckily we both found jobs but i think back to that time and i am terrified of going back there. It could all fall apart again so easily and we'd lose everything. Some people are in desperate situations and you're right it's really shit.

[AwfulMaureen]

Woo But who says that's "real life"? The government? I think most people don't want a mansion...but they want a nice home, with some outdoor space, a working life that's not backbreaking and some time to relax on a regular basis...hardly unrealistic but so far from what many have.

[stopgap]

I'd agree with you. My dad's a bus driver, my mum a book keeper, and although money was tight during their early years of marriage, they bought their house, a three-bed semi, when they were in their mid twenties (late 1970s). Growing up we always had a newish car, an annual trip to Devon in August and plenty of toys for Christmas and birthdays.

I have several cousins in their early twenties, a few years out of graduating good universities, and buying a house is not on the horizon for any of them, let alone a three-bed house in an area with good schools.

[BrianTheMole]

A real life is just whatever you are living though isn't it. Whats not real about it? I agree with what woowoo is saying.

[ontheshores]

I'm aware that many families are struggling, as it's something I deal with through voluntary work, but amongst my friends and family they all doing pretty well - lots of house-buying and renovating going on. I don't know many couples who both work f/t - I'm a sahm with DH earning well in skilled work, my sister is a sahm with a semi-skilled DH and my other sister works p/t hours split with her DH who also does p/t hours. We are all in London. I'm surprised by how many friends are buying homes at the moment - but I tend not to share detailed information with them so only have a rough idea of how much they earn. I suspect Help to Buy is behind some of them.

[HerRoyalNotness]

It's an existence rather than living. Which is why I keep working. If I didn't we'd exist and that is no way to live. It's soul destroying.

[Birdsgottafly]

I get enjoyment from walking my dog and am lucky to live within walking distance of parks.

Although I have the advantage of being in Liverpool (not the shit hole people label it as), there are lots of country parks and rural places within reach.

My niece is a LP on benefits, she makes use of all of the classes at Children's Centers etc, her child has a wonderful childhood.

I have the means to go camping etc.

I don't want what other people spend money on, I avoid magazines/media trying to sell me a life that I don't want.

The bedroom tax and living costs are causing hardships.

Before this, I think people's problems could be because of expectations and not building a life that they can have and finding things that will give them pleasure that they can afford.

Closed mindsets, lack of acceptance and appreciation (and lots of other Buddhist like phrases) is what causes people to live "half lives".

[WhosLookingAfterCourtney]

In our case, it's down to student debt and high housing costs.

But I wouldn't say we live a half life. We are lucky enough to have a big garden and live in a beautiful town, so as long as the weather's dry we have lots to do for free.

Of course it's a different story for those whose wages don't cover the basics.

[2blackcats2]

I know what you mean but money isn't the answer. People are the answer. I know people from school who are unemployed and have been for some time but live a full and happy life as they have big families and lots of friends around them. Conversely, I have money and nothing really to spend it on

[CogitoEggySometimes]

YABU. I think what you're describing is the traditional working class lifestyle and, although it can feel hand-to-mouth , there's nothing intrinsically wrong with it provided you cut your cloth according to your means. Neither is there anything wrong with wanting better... it's called motivation and ambition. People who either by choice or circumstance live alone (and I include myself) tend to be a lot more money-conscious out of necessity.

[Ronmione]

I completely agree, I believe it down to each government successively ignoring housing issues which is slowly but surely starting to be noticed by everyone.

I think but to let has been detrimental to most people in this country.

[LEMmingaround]

Well, we have access to 'free' healthcare, most of us have food on our plates, we may struggle with our mortgage and council tax but are children aren't dying in our arms from malnutrition or from untreated infection. Our children have access to education and don't have to work for less than pennies so that people in other countries can buy cheap clothes and then moan about not having designger gear. We have water that is clean and safe to drink.

My DP is a self employed carpenter, we struggle to pay our mortgage, new clothes? ahaaahahahahahaha, holidays? what are they? I suffer from anxiety and depression caused in part by financial difficulties. We have had to cash in our pennies to scrape together enough money for food one time - thankfully only once.

Half life? Really? If i gave up and looked at it like that i may as well give up now and go and throw myself under a train.

I think there is so much expection by society to "have" that we are define ourselves by what we have. It is the pressure to "have" that make people feel they are missing out.

Go for a walk - enjoy what there is

[GoodnessIsThatTheTime]

I feel like it's a half life.

I went to a good uni, most contemporaries are high flying. One run of bad luck after another and life hasn't worked out that way.

I'd like a house that either had some space inside or a large garden. Or the money to make the most of what we have.

I live in a low income area (I'd love to live in a village) and yes close friends/family would more than make up for lack of money but it's all mum-around the corner and friends from school. I don't fit. Or at least the idealised m/c me in my head doesn't. I currently don't fit in either sphere.

I think money does buy opportunity. Or even space. I've often thought of friends with large gardens that you can give kids exercise and entertainment just by sending them out in the garden.

I really do feel like were living a half life. Pay of it may be due to expectations, although they weren't high by mn standards. Normal sized house in a nice area with a garden (parents generation that was the norm even with more wc jobs) ability to buy clothes/replace shoes without panic.
When I first married I don't think it occurred to me to worry about the shopping bill, and I just worked out which month to do xyz rather than whether I could do it. 15 years onmy household income is far less and cost of living is higher.

Yes im struggling with it all.

[GoodnessIsThatTheTime]

Reading the crossposts I guess it's just I've moved from expecting an uppermiddle class lifestyle, having been surrounded by it, good uni etc and ended up in a typical wc lifestyle (suggested above) but without the wc support networks of good local family and friends that are in my area. Many of those in typically wc trades around here are doing v.well materially, good holidays,cars, houses!

If I had grown up with those expectations perhaps I wouldn't be as disappointed? I see others that left uni same time as me/extended family/friends living a completely different (and to me more "full" ) life

[2blackcats2]

Oh I totally understand that Goodness. X

[monicalewinski]

LEM & Cogito have nailed it I think.

Traditional working class lifestyle, with many things that we now take for granted (healthcare, clean water etc).

When we had 2 children in ft childcare, we lived frugally - not on the breadline, but no spare cash for holidays/New clothes/new toys/takeaways/eating out/socialising/costa coffee etc. When they both were finally in school and our childcare costs dropped drastically we suddenly saw our wages and had money for extras.

The expectation that we should all have these financially comfortable lives, with yearly holidays and all the gadgets in our own house (ie not rented), with a new wardrobe every season, able to socialise regularly etc, is unrealistic.

[sebsmummy1]

I had nothing and now I have a bit more. It really is luck I think. You can have a great education and lots of prospects and all it takes is a health problem for example and suddenly your capacity to earn is gone or greatly diminished and that's that.

[bishboschone]

admittedly I have never been in your position but genuinely why nit get a second job ?. I have a friend in a similar situation and she works about ten jobs. its doabLe if you really really want to change your life .

[HermioneWeasley]

I often think about this. It's probably only in Europe and USA in past 80 or so years (maybe less than that?) thAt the majority of people have had a nice life - access to healthcare, pain free surgery, antibiotics, workers rights, clean water on tap and increasing numbers of non back breaking jobs. For the most of human history life has been short painful and back breaking for the vast vast majority. And for the vast majority of people n this planet it still is.

I'm note sure what my point us, just that having a comfortable life is so exceptional in human experience I guess.

[HappyMummyOfOne]

Its not a half life. Everyone in your example has shelter, food, heat, access to education and heathcare.

If someone chooses to have children, work part time etc then of course money is going to be a factor. If you only want to work a few hours a week you cant complain that others working more have better choices.

Everyone also spends their money differently and many have very strange views on poverty.

[Joysmum]

I was going to write what Cognito has. It's a traditional working class.

We too have plenty of friends who are either lone parents on benefits or low income working and yet I don't know of any one who has any less than I'd expect when working class, in fact they do better than my parents did when both working and have more things. My parents never went down the possessions route, instead preferring a more simple life and spending their disposable income on experiences instead.

Today, I'm like my parents in that I run a cheap car, don't do designer clothing etc and the money saved from keeping up with the Jones's gets either spent on fun days out or invested for the future.

[CeruleanStars]

Yes, many of us are existing and not living, but that existence is generally much better than other people have. You have to find your pleasures where you can. I have no available money and no opportunity to spend time out socialising but I have learnt to find the little things that make me happy; the birds feeding in my little garden, the flowers in growing in the pots and little things like that. It all helps.