aibu to be angry at 16 year old dd's school for not noticing her and 3 friends were very tipsy at school?

(150 Posts)
trousersinit Fri 07-Feb-14 17:44:02

My best friend is a teacher at dd's school and rang me today to tell me how she'd discovered that in dd's waterbottle it was actually vodka, she got suspicious after she saw a group of them giggling and sniffing it and smelt it herself. It later emerged that dd and her 3 other female friends for the last month have taken turns to smuggle in vodka in water bottles every Friday where they get tipsy. Dd has always been a model student and I had no idea she was into alcohol, apparently a newsagents sells alcoholbto minors without an ID so she had been using her dinner money to buy from there. I'm shocked that the school didn't pick up on 4 tipsy teen girls in lessons? Of course I'm furious with dd and we have spoken to her and it is being dealt with, but I'm angry at the school for not noticing sooner, is it unreasonable to expect teachers to notice that 4 teens are obviously drunk?

lljkk Fri 07-Feb-14 17:46:28

snurk, sorry, I'm being juvenile, I do admire their brass.
I really think teachers have too much on their plates already. Not fair to blame them.
There's another thread going on teen dementia so maybe it's normal for some.
(Snurk)

Ahem, if it were my teen I'd be very disappointed too. Honest. But it's definitely one to laugh about in years to come.

Sorry but YABU, it sounds as though you didn't notice either, so it can't have been that obvious.

wonderingsoul Fri 07-Feb-14 17:47:49

i think yabu

you could argu why didnt you realize when they got home or before on the other occasions..

if they whernt stagging or throwing up or even spelt of it how would they know?

i get that its a big shock to find out. but i feel your blaming the school unfairly.

BetsyBoop Fri 07-Feb-14 17:48:17

Did you notice yourself when DD arrived home from school? If not YABU for being angry with the school for not noticing either.

MothratheMighty Fri 07-Feb-14 17:48:32

Why didn't you know that she's into alcohol? Is she still drunk when she comes home?
The Newsagent should be prosecuted, but surely 16 year old girls being giggly and silly and misbehaving is commonplace, without alcohol. It is hard to spot if they are not paralytic and if you are staying the regulation arms length away from them.
The responsibility is hers and yours, unless you are going to support the school breathalysing students. Or random drug tests.

splasheeny Fri 07-Feb-14 17:48:37

I wouldn't be angry at the teachers in this situation. Yabu.

pixiepotter Fri 07-Feb-14 17:48:51

She is going wrong there!
My 12yo DS sold it in the playground instead of drinking it myself! Fortunately I found out about it before the school did and was secretly very proud of his entrepreneurial spirit!

DrNick Fri 07-Feb-14 17:49:27

hahah@
excellent

WeeSleekit Fri 07-Feb-14 17:50:18

There's quite a difference between 'tipsy' and 'drunk' IMO. Which were they? Teenage girls can be giggly and silly at the best of times, so teachers may not have noticed for that reason alone. I would save your wrath for your dd tbh.

Noggie Fri 07-Feb-14 17:50:38

You know your dd better than her teachers so I don't think it is fair to expect them to notice if you hadn't either. Unless of course she was behaving outrageously/being sick etc in school?

wonderingsoul Fri 07-Feb-14 17:50:39

have words with her and i would personally ground her if my child did the same.

i can remeber doing this at school to, we never got roaring drunk but can rember quite clearly sharing a juice bottle with a friend during IT. i was a pretty model student to, kept my head down didnt get into trouble.

WhoWasThatMaskedWoman Fri 07-Feb-14 17:51:17

Why didn't you or the other parents notice after school?

trousersinit Fri 07-Feb-14 17:51:31

No I never noticed as every day she has afterschool activities which last until around half 5/6, giving the alcohol time to wear off and for her to sober up, dd had never expressed an interest in alcohol to me before and never attended house parties due to all the 'annoying, drunk people' so of.course I'm extremely.shocked.

Ifcatshadthumbs Fri 07-Feb-14 17:51:45

4 giggly teenage girls? Yes I suspect they should have stuck out like a sore thumb hmm

cees Fri 07-Feb-14 17:52:10

Yabu your angry and looking to place blame but bear in mind you didn't pick this up either. I'm sorry your going through this, be glad you know whats gone on and keep a close eye on her in future.

lljkk whats snurk?

Yesterday dd was crying with laughter, hiccuping madly, and snorting at an expression the cat made.

No one can tell when teenagers are slightly drunk when they act fuckwitted most of the time

pussycatdoll Fri 07-Feb-14 17:53:23

You should be glad the teachers didn't notice because they'd have got excluded & it would have gone on their record

WorraLiberty Fri 07-Feb-14 17:53:36

You've gone from 'tipsy' to 'obviously drunk'?

YABU

Lots of teens are giggly etc

Why do you expect the school to notice 4 drunk pupils when you didnt notice your own DD was 'obviously drunk'?

Assuming you're real, you're the very worst kind of parent a teacher could have the misfortune to deal with. hmm

NatashaBee Fri 07-Feb-14 17:55:08

Yes, it's absolutely the school you should be angry at, not your daughter for drinking or the shop for selling it to her. confused

If you didn't notice I'm not sure how you expect the school to.

cory Fri 07-Feb-14 17:55:09

As others said, if she came home after school having been drinking vodka in the daytime and you didn't notice it, then you can hardly blame the teacher who has a class of 30 to look after.

Something similar happened in dd's school, but the girl was younger and some of her school friends got concerned for her and reported her to the teacher; turned out there was a problematic situation at home re parents and alcohol.

MothratheMighty Fri 07-Feb-14 17:55:45

Are youbaware of what PITAs teenagers in school can be, and how little teachers can do about it? Their behaviour was obviously within normal parameters, how do you expect teachers to know?
Your DD would have been within her rights to refuse to hand over her water bottle without you being there, and some parents would go yelling into the school if they thought their child was being accused of anything.
She's your DD, breaking the rules. Will the school exclude her? They would at any of our local secondaries, for a week at least.

MothratheMighty Fri 07-Feb-14 17:56:40

'No one can tell when teenagers are slightly drunk when they act fuckwitted most of the time'

grin

gordyslovesheep Fri 07-Feb-14 17:56:41

rather than being angry with the school I would focus your concern on why your child is getting pissed underage at school and spending food money on booze

She needs a bit of support and straight talking from mum - who is currently ranting on line about the schools failings hmm

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