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to be a bit miffed (MiL and Christmas presents)

(113 Posts)
MandatoryMongoose Thu 19-Dec-13 00:46:36

Just received a box of gifts from MiL, there are 3 gifts for DS (9 months) a card for all of us and a cheque for me and DH. DD (my DD, DH's DSD) doesn't get a gift.
Now I know that DD isn't MiLs biological GC and DD is 14 so also understands this but DD has had to adjust in the past year and a half to me and DH getting married and her brother being born. DD feeling part of the family as much as her brother is very important to us and I think she'd be a little hurt to not get even a token gift when the rest of us do.

AIBU to think MiL was a bit mean or at least very thoughtless?

WIBU to wrap a small gift for DD and claim it's from MiL?

TheDoctrineOfSanta Thu 19-Dec-13 00:48:31

The cheque is for you and DH to put some away and by something for DD, isn't it? fsmile

lottieandmia Thu 19-Dec-13 00:48:36

YANBU - she sounds horrible. Who does that??

TheDoctrineOfSanta Thu 19-Dec-13 00:48:48

By = buy

AndYouCanDance Thu 19-Dec-13 00:51:16

Yanbu. How thoughtless.

ArtexTheHallWithBoughsOfMonkey Thu 19-Dec-13 00:56:38

That's a bit shit. A 9mo doesn't need any presents at all really, they have no idea what's going on. It's nice to get them something to open, but to get him 3 presents and your dd nothing, it seems really shit.

Caitlin17 Thu 19-Dec-13 00:57:34

Why can't the cheque be for all 3 of you. Maybe your mil hasn't a clue what to get a 14 year old girl. I wouldn't.

ebwy Thu 19-Dec-13 01:00:12

I'd get your husband to phone and ask if his stepdaughter's gift is coming separately because he's worried that it may have been stolen by someone at the post office because it wasn't in the parcel..

JollySantersSelectionBox Thu 19-Dec-13 01:00:26

Use the cheque to buy DD a present, isn't that really what it's for.

And if it's not make sure DD writes a nice thank you letter for the item she bought using step granny's money.

Does she ignore her birthday too?

I never get this. I spend money on my neighbours and friends kids, why is it so hard to swallow buying a present for a new member of the family? confused

ArtexTheHallWithBoughsOfMonkey Thu 19-Dec-13 01:01:19

14 yo girls are easy to buy for, doesn't have to be expensive either, a book, some primarni jamas, bit of pretty stationery... If she doesn't know what she likes, she could always ask op.

squeakytoy Thu 19-Dec-13 02:32:10

does your daughter get a present from her paternal grandparents?

Caitlin17 Thu 19-Dec-13 02:55:49

ArtexI really wouldn't know what to get a 14 year old.

But whatever the thinking was the OP can avoid her daughter being left out by telling her the cheque was to be shared, what would she liked to buy with her share. It'll bring it home to mil.

I don't think buying a present and pretending mil bought it is sensible at all. Mil will have no idea what daughter is on about when she thanks mil, whereas " this is what I bought with my share of what you gave mummy and whatever she calls step father" brings it home to mil without her being put on the spot .

Caitlin17 Thu 19-Dec-13 02:58:44

ArtexI really wouldn't know what to get a 14 year old.

But whatever the thinking was the OP can avoid her daughter being left out by telling her the cheque was to be shared, what would she liked to buy with her share. It'll bring it home to mil.

I don't think buying a present and pretending mil bought it is sensible at all. Mil will have no idea what daughter is on about when she thanks mil, whereas " this is what I bought with my share of what you gave mummy and whatever she calls step father" brings it home to mil without her being put on the spot .

MumofWombat Thu 19-Dec-13 04:05:38

I would make a point of saying to your MIL ' thank you so much for the cheque for DD, she got x/y/x with it'.
And then after Christmas your DH needs to have a conversation with her so that she knows the done thing is to include her dsgd when buying presents in the future.

MidniteScribbler Thu 19-Dec-13 04:52:23

Don't play silly passive aggressive games. Your DH needs to pick up the telephone and advise his mother that you are now a family and she either buys for all of your children, or none at all. Nothing else is acceptable, and unless she immediately puts a cheque in the mail to cover the present that you will have to buy this year and wrap and put her name on it, that you will be sending all of the gifts back and not having any contact with her until she treats you like a family. Anything less is simply not acceptable.

Euphemia France Thu 19-Dec-13 04:54:23

I would make it a positive for DD: "Ooh look, Grannie‘s sent a cheque so you can get whatever you want! Let's go to the sales after Christmas and choose something!"

Maybe MIL is a mean old cow, maybe she just has no idea what to buy, who knows? If the latter, she should have made it explicit.

Don't let it spoil DD‘s Christmas. fsmile

magesticmallow Thu 19-Dec-13 05:12:11

If that had happened in our house my dh would hit the roof!!! He would either (a) buy something from mil and then call her and day I bought DSD x from the cheque, she will think its from you but don't you dare ever exclude a member of my family (b) return all the presents and tell the bitch to pelt shit at herself if she thinks she is welcome in our house ever again!!

I am really cross for you, what sort of person leaves a child out like that? Cow!! It definitely wouldn't be a pretty conversation here, you are together long enough to be married with another DC so its not like she doesn't know your dad or you just met. Ignorant nasty woman!!

Nasty behaviour.

TheDoctrineOfSanta Thu 19-Dec-13 06:12:45

I have a family member who acted like this to her DS's DSS.
She was not in general a horrible person, grew up in a different era maybe.

It's not right but she honestly didn't see him as family (didn't help they lived overseas so she'd hardly met him whilst she'd seen her other DGCs at least some before they moved overseas.

Yes, it's awful but a quiet word pointing out families are different now and she needs to act differently would seem to be more productive than the suggestion she pelt shit at herself.

SMorgauseBordOfChristmasTat Thu 19-Dec-13 06:32:31

I think maybe it's just thoughtless. Your DD has 2 sets of grandparents already (probably) so maybe she thought she'd have presents from her father's parents that your DS wouldn't so it evens up.

In her place I would have bought something, though.

Tapiocapearl Thu 19-Dec-13 06:34:33

How mean!

Iwouldratherbemuckingout Thu 19-Dec-13 06:39:58

I have 2 dss. My mum would rather gouge her own eyes out than leave them out of anything. They are our family, end of. And who gives a flying frig how many sets of grandparents are in the mix? It's about family, not a tally.

Your MIL is being a reprehensible old trout.

Gingefringe Thu 19-Dec-13 06:43:18

Did she buy DD a present last year?

How very mean of her to leave out your DD - get something for her from the cheque.

IsThatTrue Thu 19-Dec-13 06:49:58

Your poor dd!

I'm greatful my mil buys for all the dc even though ds2 is her only biological grandchild. And tbh dd and ds1 have 4 lots if grandparents with 3 lots of great grandparents. Ds2 only has 2 grandparents and 1 great grandparent. But in this situation it's not about being fair in number if presents or value, just bring fair in including all members of family. Wether they be blood relatives or not!

SatinSandals Thu 19-Dec-13 07:36:20

I would assume that the cheque was for all 3 of you and buy your daughter a present with some of it. Just say to MIL, 'how kind- DH got x, I got y and DD got z.
She can hardly say that she didn't intend it to be for DD and if she did then just appear a bit dense and say in a surprised, non aggressive way that you knew she wouldn't have intended to leave DD out.

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