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AIBU?

To be a bit annoyed at DH because of this?

102 replies

Madratlady · 06/10/2013 18:32

I'm totally prepared to be told IABU, I have a feeling I am a bit anyway.

A couple of weeks ago I had a bad cold. I'm 6 months pregnant and have PGP as well so I felt like death but I went to work for 3 12 hour shifts in a row, in a demanding job, anyway, because we need the money and I wouldn't have got any sick pay.

DH then caught my cold. He also felt terrible but took 3 days off. He also doesn't get paid for not being at work so we're now short of money which I was relying on to pay the bills. We're currently clearing debts from me being out of work for 3 months (I got a new job after 10 days but CRB checks etc delayed me starting). He works 8-4 and has a laid back job in IT.

And just to make it worse the tumble dryer is on it's last legs and the washer isn't much better so we'll need to find more money. I'm stressing cos we can't make ends meet and it's going to carry over into next month cos I'll have t use money I was going to put away towards bills at the beginning of next month to pay off the last of the things we owe this month. And I'm struggling at work due to PGP and could really do with stopping for maternity leave a few weeks earlier than my original goal of 38 weeks but I don't want to because we need the money I earn.

I know none of that last paragraph is DH's fault by the way, I'm just stressed and £300 isn't money we can afford to not have just because he had a cold.

OP posts:

Report

FourEyesGood · 06/10/2013 18:37

Some people are more badly affected by colds than others (and you did say you felt like death!). Some people are more wussy. You'll never know how badly your DH was affected by his cold, and the time has now passed, so by all means be annoyed, but it won't do you, him or the baby any good.

PixelAteMyFace · 06/10/2013 18:38

YANBU about your DH.

Just be thankful that you are the one who is pregnant and not him, otherwise he'd be on maternity leave from now.

FourEyesGood · 06/10/2013 18:38

Also, does he know you view his job as "laid back" compared to your "demanding" job? Would he agree wholeheartedly?

TobyLerone · 06/10/2013 18:39

I don't think YABU, as such, but I do think it's pointless being worked up about it now.

YANBU to be worried about money and to feel put out that you carried on working through the cold and he didn't, but YABU to carry on about it.

BillyBanter · 06/10/2013 18:42

Your employers are unreasonable for not paying sick pay.

I'd be annoyed too.

Madratlady · 06/10/2013 19:17

Four he was genuinely ill but does tend to be very very wussy about illness. I do think 3 days is excessive and he has form for taking days off whenever he feels a bit rough. I'm not showing my annoyance because that would be pointless, I'm just frustrated at struggling to get all the bills paid. And yes he agrees that a lot of the time his job is a lot easier/more laid back than mine, although he has his busy days. I work flat out for 12 hours a day at work, it's just physically and emotionally a very demanding job.

Toby I'm not carrying on about it in RL, just venting here. It's sleepless nights trying to work out how on earth we'll cover our outgoings that are making me more stressy than usual.

OP posts:

BillyBanter · 06/10/2013 19:20

Do you share the bills stress with your DH? Is he more laid back about them?

3 days is a lot for an otherwise healthy young person to take for a cold when it means no money coming in.

Madratlady · 06/10/2013 19:27

Billy I do but he is terrible at managing money so I do all of our budgeting. He has a history of not managing his money properly and getting into debt and we've just finished paying off a large amount of an IVA he was in before we got together than he wasn't keeping up with the payments of before we had joint money so this way is easier. He also suffers from anxiety and finds stress harder to deal with than I do. I think he tends to assume I'll make it all work out somehow which is nice that he has so much faith in me but a little frustrating when he takes time off willy nilly. He's a lovely husband but a little incompetent at times.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 06/10/2013 19:31

Is this your first baby ?

You husband sounds like a manchild that you have to manage

Deeply annoying and exhausting for you....and likely to get much much worse with DC in the picture

Madratlady · 06/10/2013 19:43

Yep first baby. I'm in my early 20s and he's 9 years older but I feel like more of a grown up at times. I think having the baby will come as a shock but I do think he'll step up and grow up and be a good hands on dad. He's good at splitting house work and stuff fairly and pulls his weight (with a little reminding of what needs doing), he's just bad when it comes to managing money and being ill! Believe it or not he's lived independently since he left care 15 years ago but he doesn't seem to have got his head around budgeting.

OP posts:

fifi669 · 06/10/2013 19:45

Time off for a cold? I would have told him to man up!

bordellosboheme · 06/10/2013 19:47

Yabu and. Martyr.... You should have taken time off and so should he... A tumble dryer is not an essential. We don't have one....

Madratlady · 06/10/2013 20:05

Bordello me taking time off would have caused even more financial problems, we can't afford to be losing that many days pay. The tumble dryer is just one more thing on top of essential outgoings. We won't be replacing the it straight away, I only use it if it's raining, but washing takes days to dry on the clothes horse because our house is cold and damp even with the heating on. If it's raining we do sometimes need clean things in less than 3 days.

OP posts:

Madratlady · 06/10/2013 20:06

And if I was unclear, I don't object to time off sick, I just think 3 days for a cold was more than necessary when he knew the financial implications.

OP posts:

peggyundercrackers · 06/10/2013 20:10

yabu - you don't really know how bad he was feeling - just because you don't want to take time off doesn't mean he has to do what you do. also think he was right because it pisses me off when people come to work with a cold and sit and cough & sneeze on everyone else then everyone comes down with it - if your ill stay at home!

if you cant afford for him to have 3 days off sick before you have a child how are you going to manage once baby comes along?

Jinsei · 06/10/2013 20:16

Hmm, depends how ill he was, I guess. I wouldn't thank a colleague for coming to work and spreading their germs around if they "felt like death".

Jinsei · 06/10/2013 20:16

X post with Peggy

Madratlady · 06/10/2013 20:37

We're still catching up from me losing my job at 8 weeks pregnant, we will be financially stable again before the baby arrives but things are very tight right now.

I guess iabu though.

OP posts:

Jan49 · 06/10/2013 21:02

YABU. I don't really think anyone should have to go to work when ill, especially when it's an infectious illness that you can pass on to colleagues and especially when pregnant. So I think YWBabitU to go to work as usual. I don't see how you could perform your job properly when you "felt like death". It's tough when you get no sick pay but I wouldn't blame someone who was genuinely sick for staying at home.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer · 06/10/2013 21:06

It's really the fault of firms that don't pay sick pay that people like the OP go in when they really shouldn't.

I think YANBU, OP. In the circs you've described he should have gone to work.

bordellosboheme · 06/10/2013 22:16

What Peggy said. I think you're being mean to your dh. Illness is illness and you should have had a bit more sympathy from him.... Plus, as Peggy said its not fair to go into work and infect everyone in the vicinity.....

AnyFucker · 06/10/2013 22:25

Some right fucking manpleasers on this thread.

OP, repost this thread on Relationships. You will get some very different replies. Give me fucking strength.

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Alibabaandthe40nappies · 06/10/2013 22:32

YANBU

And why is he taking such an easy road with his job? There are tons of really well paid jobs in IT if you look in the right places and are prepared to put a bit of effort in.

He is going to be a father. He needs to man the hell up and do his share.

thefirstmrsrochester · 06/10/2013 22:35

Your DH needs to man up. YANBU.

Merel · 06/10/2013 22:38

If my fiance moaned at me for taking 3 days to recover from an illness, after they had been out of work for 3 months, I'd think they had a bit of a nerve, all in all honesty.

My advice would be sell or throw away your dryer, and buy a maiden until you have a little more money to throw around. If you have to make any late payments to anyone, they should be reasonable about it if you call and explain.

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