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to complain about midwife (internal/assault)

(274 Posts)
Hensinthehedgerow Wed 31-Jul-13 14:41:17

I'm sorry if this is in the wrong section. I'm in search of some opinions. This may not sound like much to complain about to some people. But this has really affected me and my marriage and I can't seem to move on.

In summary, I had a birth plan, it said no internal examinations and everything done needs to be explained to me. I thought she was doing an external examination, but instead did an internal which was very painful and basically in public view after my husband had been sent out of the room. I wish I had kicked her in the head and screamed and called the police, but I was holding my newborn baby and didn't hmm I want to cry, I can't sleep.

I raised these issues with the som who said it shouldn't have happened an that she would speak to the midwives. Then emailed me to say the midwives agreed more communication would have been helpful to me wft

I have no idea if making a formal complaint will help. But can't let this go. Aibu to complain. The midwives were horrible and essentially bullied my husband. I guess it's wwyd? Sorry for the ramble.

rubyslippers Wed 31-Jul-13 14:42:52

yes - complain, complain, complain

I am sorry you have been through this

cantspel Wed 31-Jul-13 14:43:44

How do you manage a birth without an internal. Surely they need to check how far you are dilated before they ask you to push.

rubyslippers Wed 31-Jul-13 14:44:54

i had no internals during my birth - i was in the water

a good MW will assess the woman's breathing etc and other physiological signs to see how labour is progressing

Rosa Wed 31-Jul-13 14:45:42

Are you sure if you had just given birth she wasn't checking for damage / tears etc?

pigletmania Wed 31-Jul-13 14:45:54

Complain, they should have respected your wishes. If they really did need to do an internal tey should have explained it fully to you. Tat is awful sad

Tiredtrout Wed 31-Jul-13 14:46:19

Sorry that you are so upset by this hens, was this just after the birth? If it was, did she say something about checking for tears or similar?

youmeatsix Wed 31-Jul-13 14:46:27

as you were already holding your baby, i think they have to give you an internal just to check everything is ok (sorry i am not medical nor want to be graphic) but certain things need to be checked. Can you actually go through childbirth without an internal examination??? Concentrate on your lovely new baby

rubyslippers Wed 31-Jul-13 14:47:25

regardless - the OP thought the MW was doing an external exam

it wasn't explained properly - the OP was vulnerable having just given birth

a woman has the right to know what is being done, and consent given

this was post birth

LemonBreeland Wed 31-Jul-13 14:49:04

THose who are saying thwy had to give an internal are not getting that the OP did not consent to it. It should have been explained to her fully what they needed to do and why. That didn't happen.

Complain hens, as the response from the SOM is not good enough.

sonlypuppyfat Wed 31-Jul-13 14:50:21

Surely we all know a midwifes job is to check you out to see if you are Ok I doubt they do it for no reason

LePamplemousseMousse Wed 31-Jul-13 14:53:10

I'm sorry to be dense - what's the difference between and 'internal examination' and an 'internal?

Hensinthehedgerow Wed 31-Jul-13 14:58:21

It was after and I had no examinations during the birth, I was in the water. I didn't want them. She said check that means nothing to me hmm I would have said no, I couldn't.

Hensinthehedgerow Wed 31-Jul-13 14:59:26

And no one asked me to push, my body did all the work

JacqueslePeacock Wed 31-Jul-13 14:59:54

Complain, complain, complain. This was very wrong.

FuzzyWuzzywasaWoman Wed 31-Jul-13 15:01:27

It is effectively assault, you had documented you did not want this to happen. If for whatever reason they HAD to do an examination they should have explained fully and gained verbal consent from you. Do complain, also contact PALS for advice.

I also would think you need to have a bit of counselling, sorry I'm not sure what is appropriated but I guess a first port of call would be your GP?? How long ago was this?

So sorry you have been through this, hope you get some answers and are enjoying your new baby...congratulations flowers

Velve Wed 31-Jul-13 15:03:28

I would put down a written complaint, tbh. Especially if, as you say, they bullied your husband. Really stress the importance of how this has affected you post birth.
It's important that this is talked through with you by someone in charge, and that you get a satisfactory closure.

Hensinthehedgerow Wed 31-Jul-13 15:04:15

Thank you, I think I'll call pals then. I really don't feel like I can go to my gp. I don't feel that I'd be supported or understood. I'm sorry I'm just blubbing nowhmmhmm

Velve Wed 31-Jul-13 15:05:19

Forgot to say, if they didn't explain what they were doing and didn't get your consent then it is effectively assault. They have to have consent.

Hensinthehedgerow Wed 31-Jul-13 15:07:15

If it is assault then why ha there been effectively no action from the som. I'm so confused

LazyFaire Wed 31-Jul-13 15:12:01

It is assault.

Don't stand for it. Complain until someone listens, to anyone you can. Write, phone, whatever you need to.

It was expressly written in your notes you didn't want one and wanted everything carefully explained. The person supposedly caring for you after one of the most emotional and physically draining experiences, did this to you, while you were in a very vulnerable position (post birth, holding newborn)?!

It's not something I had a problem with but there was a thread just a week or two ago and I know a lot of MNers have had the same horribleness happen to them so I hope they are along soon to offer more direct advice. I am really considering whether I would want internals with a second child now too, as the first time I just presumed they were necessary (but uncomfortable emotionally and physically).

flowers

jammiedonut Wed 31-Jul-13 15:13:02

A good midwife is trained to recognise other signs that a woman's labour has progressed and does not need to conduct an internal, nor do they NEED to perform one after birth, especially if they haven't gained consent ( I had one at the start of a 23 hour labour and was left to it thereafter). Complain.

JacqueslePeacock Wed 31-Jul-13 15:13:02

Call PALS. They should be able to help.

AnnabelleLee Wed 31-Jul-13 15:16:33

You wished you'd kicked her in the head? I wouldn't lead with that in any letter.

ICBINEG Wed 31-Jul-13 15:18:23

definitly complain and also head over to the maternity rights thread also currently in AIBU.

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