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AIBU to feel pissed of to come home to find that my MIL has cleaned my house?

(97 Posts)
MissTweed Fri 28-Jun-13 18:36:36

My MIL and I have had the usual kind of relationship over the years, she thinks the sun shines out of her sons arse and I'm not good enough for him. She came to visit yesterday/today and whilst I was at work she cleaned my house. (She has a history of making snidely remarks about cleanliness/cooking etc etc. my DH thinks that I am totally overreacting but I see it as another dig. What are your thoughts?

Solari Fri 28-Jun-13 18:38:26

You can send her to me if you like! grin <sorry, unhelpful>

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Fri 28-Jun-13 18:39:19

Well I was the same with my MIL at first...she'd do similar. Then Mumsnet told me to just lap it up! If she wants to clean my pan cupboards fine! Thank you very much!

Have more faith in your own ways and just say "Oooh thanks!" grin Then if she IS trying to undermine you, she's failed....and if it's not an undermining thing then fine!

SantanaLopez Fri 28-Jun-13 18:39:24

Would you have called her lazy if she'd sat on her arse?

I think you are being over-sensitive.

Very intrusive. I wouldn't be happy about this either.

Latara Fri 28-Jun-13 18:39:36

It was clearly a kind of dig but also... free cleaning, can't complain about that...

Jinsei Fri 28-Jun-13 18:40:04

Hmm, well I'd love to come home and find that someone had cleaned my house, but given the circumstances, yanbu!

Why does she criticise your cooking/cleanliness? Does her son not live in the house too?!

dexter73 Fri 28-Jun-13 18:40:17

I would be ok with this as I hate cleaning!

Solari Fri 28-Jun-13 18:41:00

In all seriousness, I'd love to come home to a clean house done randomly for me. But its not right if you don't want it to happen (its your house), and the snide remarks etc. are also not right. I'd be insisting DH back me up and take my concerns seriously, but would probably stop her directly myself next time she said something (ie. "I hope you're not trying to criticise me. I don't appreciate that.)

I would be too grateful to give a shit

Jinsei Fri 28-Jun-13 18:41:28

I like Neo's attitude. smile

SodaStreamy Fri 28-Jun-13 18:41:51

I'd find it annoying but try and look one the brightside, that's one job done!

Is see a manic cleaner uselly,perhaps that's how she likes to fill her time and thinks she was helping?

WhoNickedMyName Fri 28-Jun-13 18:41:53

YABU. Enjoy your lovely clean house.

You should be leaving her a list...no point her doing jobs that you don't mind doing yourself.

HildaOgden Fri 28-Jun-13 18:42:39

Couple of questions...what was your husband doing while his mother cleaned?And who was due to do the cleaning,if she hadn't?

girliefriend Fri 28-Jun-13 18:42:47

Really?

Get a grip and be grateful, why is it a dig?

Maybe just maybe she was trying to be helpful .....

Tilly333 Fri 28-Jun-13 18:43:13

My MIL once wrote the words DIRTY in the dust underneath a cupboard we had in by daughters bedroom. We have wooden floors that do get dusty very quickly. I found it when next cleaning so left it after adding the word 'still' in front of it. I knew she'd check when she next visited. Nothing was ever mentioned. It made my blood boil at the time, but I do love visiting her and pointing out cobwebs and stuff she's missed whilst cleaning her house. Freak!

NoisesOff Fri 28-Jun-13 18:43:24

I'd struggle with this, personally. I'm a very private person and I'd feel a little too invaded.

MrsLyman Fri 28-Jun-13 18:43:39

My own view would be that if someone wants to be passive aggressively bitchy about my cleaning ability by making my life easier then more fool them.

DumSpiroSpero Fri 28-Jun-13 18:44:18

Better than her bringing pre-packed sandwiched for her lunch, then leaving you a 'to do' list and writing 'DIRTY' in the thin later of dust on top of the log burner...

StuntGirl Fri 28-Jun-13 18:44:28

Am assuming she's one of those super cleaning type people and her house is spotless. Next time you're at hers start making comments on you being surprised she missed the grease in the kitchen, or the dust in the bathroom etc. Will drive her mad to think her cleaning is not 'perfect' grin

Mintyy Fri 28-Jun-13 18:44:38

I would HATE this. If your house needs cleaning and your dh has a day off then he should bloody well be doing it.

Yanbu.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Fri 28-Jun-13 18:44:48

The thing many people hate with MILS is when they do things which are "mothering" by their nature...see my OWN Mum has always washed up or folded stuff when she's here without me....I've never minded..but when my MIL did the same I got all Mother Lion about it....and felt she was undermining my "status" but really...bollocks to all that...life's too short.

There are worse things someone can do than help you out a bit.

SJisontheway Fri 28-Jun-13 18:44:54

Good advice from Neo. Refuse to let it get to you.

Patosshades Fri 28-Jun-13 18:46:20

Leave her to it. You know it's no reflection on you so don't allow it to niggle away at you.

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