To send the little boy from next door home?

(104 Posts)

DS1 is 6. This little boy is 5. DS2 is 2.

The little boy is always in here playing, either in the garden or in the house. That's fine. His sister comes in to play with dd too. And sometimes they go next door.

I get on well enough with next door. Coffees, BBQs etc and would consider the mum a friend.

However, their ds is the baby of the family. She openly admits to spoiling him to keep him happy/quiet (eg: the other day she opened a pack of cookies for the children and he ate them all because she just kept giving). No judgement, just a picture of what goes on.

His speech is also very, very bad. I think this could be relevant.

He is really nasty to my 2 year old. Doesn't let him play with his own toys, gives out to him constantly. In the space of 15 minutes I had to speak to him three times about shouting in ds2's face. One time is was because he was on the trampoline and ds2 was jumping on it?!

The reason I think his speech is relevant is because he speaks very like ds2 and I don't know if this makes him think they're the same?

I am always explaining to him that ds2 is younger/doesn't understand as much/just wants to join in but he's relentless and he's also getting worse, as in, more aggressive.

To top it off, if I bring ds2 into next door's he's not allowed to play with any of this child's toys unless he expressly chooses what ds can play with or unless mum says she told ds he could play, apologises to him and gives him a treat!

Anyway I sent him home today. I said that I couldn't keep having ds being upset or shouted at when he's trying to play in his own garden and I said he'd have to go home.

His dad was in the garden and so would have heard so before one of them comes knocking (and they will) WIBU?

Sorry for essay.

Journey Fri 21-Jun-13 16:18:48

You were not being unreasonable sending the boy home, however, your view and phrasing of his potential speech issue is insulting.

I wouldn't worry about it too much, stick to your guns, it sounds like he already knows you will speak u when you disagree with something. I'd take a break from the other child coming over for a while, just keep sending him home and telling him, not today we are having a family day. Bye. He'll get the message. Then when he does get allowed back, remind him that we need to be polite and no screaming and being mean or you will need to go home.
Ignore the Dad he's loon.

You were not being unreasonable sending the boy home, however, your view and phrasing of his potential speech issue is insulting

I don't see how Journey

I explained why I felt it could be relevant insofar as the little boy might notice the similarities and therefore feel that my ds was closer in age/mentality than he actually is. How is that insulting?!

pictish Fri 21-Jun-13 18:08:59

Yanbu. Who needs it?

Casserole Fri 21-Jun-13 18:35:25

I think you tried to phrase the speech thing as politely and respectfully as you could, actually.

I definitely don't think YABU. I would put as much distance as you could between you all. Polite but reserved. And if he comes round again, with your permission, and he does the same again, I would send him straight home again.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Fri 21-Jun-13 18:39:49

You are going to HAVE to be assertive here.

It is not acceptable for him to be nasty to your child and there is nothing wrong with sending him home.

tbh, after that crack by the dad, it would be a cold day in hell before the kid got in my house again!

Telling a child you've been silly cos you don't want the child to be unkind to your toddler? What the hell?

Yes I have to say my blood is heating thinking of the silly comment.

I saw dad today as I drove out of our estate and I got a filthy look as a greeting <shrugs>.

They've gone on their holiday now and didn't come in about the dogs so I assume I'm not feeding them! No key or instructions left.

Thankfully we're away on the day they get back so there'll be weeks of distance!

I'm more than willing to move on from this being polite but distant but I will definitely put boundaries in place for play time and will send him home every time.

That being said, I'm almost positive there will be a massive fall out from this as they don't like their children to be told no. But so be it. I have to look out for my children first and foremost.

It would be a shame to lose mum's friendship but am willing to continue it if she is!

pictish Fri 21-Jun-13 18:51:29

You are quite right walter.

The dad's comment would be the death knell on the play arrangement for sure! Take your rotten kid and your sense of fucking entitlement and ram it!

xylem8 Fri 21-Jun-13 20:22:44

IME children without younger siblings are very often very intolerant of them.I think you need to have him over less, but when he does come busy your 2 yr old with something else.It is pretty crap for 2 older children trying to play with an annoying little sibling tagging along.

Thank you for your opinion but I won't be listening to your advice.

xylem8 Fri 21-Jun-13 20:31:19

Ok I'll make a mental note to waste my time answering any of your posts in future then

pictish Fri 21-Jun-13 20:41:58

To be fair xylem you are pretty much saying that OP's 2 yr old deserves to be treated like shite in his own home just because he has the cheek to be there! confused

SomewhereBeyondTheSea Fri 21-Jun-13 20:47:07

Just tell him his kid was being a little cunt .... ;-)

(*NOT being serious)

SlimePrincess Fri 21-Jun-13 20:48:03

YANBU if I were in your shoes I wouldn't have him round to play anymore.

birdsnotbees Fri 21-Jun-13 20:57:24

xylem that's not always true. My 5yo plays beautifully with my 2yo - and if the elder one was being a little shit to my youngest I wouldn't have it. And that would go double for any of my 5yo's friends.

Boomba Fri 21-Jun-13 21:05:47

It very well might be annoying xylem but tough. I've sent dd1s friends home for excluding/being mean to dd2. Just because they are annoying, is no excuse to be horrid

pictish Fri 21-Jun-13 21:12:25

I have never had one of ds1's friends be mean to either of my younger ones. In fact, they are all really sweet to them, having younger sibings themselves, and not being little rotters with crap social skills.

I was probably a little abrupt there but I'm sorry, I'm not ferreting my toddler away in his own home so little Johnny has free reign in my home!

And, as others have said, this never happens with older dc or their other friends!

echt Fri 21-Jun-13 22:21:13

I'm wondering how the OP's neighbours will behave after an extended period without the near-childminding they've enjoyed.

Dubjackeen Fri 21-Jun-13 22:34:08

YANBU, home he goes. Shouting in your little guy's face, etc...not on. I suggest keep repeating the message, and maintain your distance. The dad sounds like a piece of work, and best avoided.

Snazzywaitingforsummer Fri 21-Jun-13 22:42:20

Yep, agree, cut down the number of times he comes over, and when he does, give a warning then say next time he behaves badly he will have to go home.

'They don't like their children to be told no'. I wonder how they get on with their kids' teachers?

Snazzywaitingforsummer Fri 21-Jun-13 22:43:19

And you're not obliged to 'busy your 2yo with something else' so the kid from next door can have free run of the place, of course.

Thepursuitofhappiness Sat 22-Jun-13 07:08:37

Please update when your neighbours are back from holiday OP.

YADNBU.

JenaiMorris Sat 22-Jun-13 08:29:40

Bit hmm about the suggestion than children without younger siblings are intolerant of smaller children.

People always said ds was great with their littlies. Maybe they were just surprised he wasn't the usual intolerant only child or something.

Pimpf Sat 22-Jun-13 08:40:04

You don't have to be rude but you also don't need to have their child over at all!

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