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To ask that if you don't work but your husband/partner does, do you get an allowance for clothes?

(133 Posts)
suebfg Tue 23-Apr-13 20:16:57

I recently stopped working and don't have money of my own coming in. I feel like I don't want to spend the money earned by DH on the 'nice to haves' - treats for myself etc.

How do you manage it in your households?

apostropheuse Tue 23-Apr-13 20:40:34

An allowance Why, I thought I was reading a period drama set in the Victorian era there.

Well when I was a kept woman grin many years ago my husband's salary went into a joint bank account, from where the bills would be paid and I would buy whatever I needed/wanted. Strangely he never spent anything out of the account without checking with me first, but that's because he left all the household accounts etc to me.

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Tue 23-Apr-13 20:43:36

I have an 'allowance' no joint account, wouldn't want one either.
It works, but I still feel immensely guilty for any spends on myself, so rarely buy new clothes, lunch out for myself (will buy ds not me) etc etc.

DH works, I don't.

We have a joint account and I do all of the shopping whenever I need to. He pays a lump sum into it every month to cover all bills, but that's because he's freelance so has to manage all of the tax etc too, and some months he makes more than others.

With regard to treats, little things (makeup, bath stuff, etc) I will just buy. Bigger items - clothes etc - I will generally "ask" but he never says no anyway - it's more of an advisory thing so he can keep an eye on the account levels than a request for permission. He does the same.

I get the child benefit paid into my account which I use for spur of the moment treats for the DCs - cake after school, milkshakes etc. If we do anything costly (zoo, lunch out) I generally use the joint account.

Joint account, if I need it I get it. If its very expensive we discuss it. Same goes for him.

cassgate Tue 23-Apr-13 20:49:17

DH pays a set amount into a joint account which covers all bills, mortgage and shopping. I have my own account which he pays money into whenever it runs low. I buy anything including clothes for me and the kids xmas and birthday presents on my credit card and he just pays off the bill each month. I buy what I want whenever I want within reason but then my dh is on a good salary so I know we can afford it. If we couldnt afford it then I wouldnt do it.

KitchenandJumble Tue 23-Apr-13 20:51:09

An allowance? Shudder. We both work, but there have been brief periods of time where one or the other of us was out of work. All our money is in our joint accounts, we spend money as we see fit for things like clothes. This has always been the case, it hasn't depended on who was working or who was earning more. For larger purchases (cars and the like), we make the decisions together.

GreenEggsAndNichts Tue 23-Apr-13 20:51:42

Joint account. We are both frugal people so there are no worries about either of us running out and making frivolous expensive purchases on a whim.

catgirl1976 Tue 23-Apr-13 20:57:05

DH doesn't work but I do

I don't give him a clothing allowance.

All the money goes into one account, from which we pay for everything.

If he wants to buy some clothes, computer game, dvd or book etc he looks at the bank balance, checks we can afford it and then buys it. He doesn't have to ask or tell me, he just has to decide if it's affordable.

If it's a bigger purchase or he's not sure if we can afford something he might say "I was thinking of getting xx, what do you think / do you think we can afford it" etc but that's as far as it goes. And despite me earning the money, I would do the same for a bigger purchase.

He's an adult, we are married and it's our money equally. I don't give him pocket money confused

justaboutalittlefrazzled Tue 23-Apr-13 21:02:29

I think what you are suggesting is really a budget rather than allowance.

There's nothing wrong with you both having a set amount of money you can spend, guiltfree, on clothes, once you've worked out what you can both afford.
That is a good way to ensure no one feels guilty I think (and you don't go over budget).

suebfg Tue 23-Apr-13 21:03:06

It probably stems from the fact that we have never had a joint account. We have separate accounts and obviously since not working, my account isn't being replenished as it once was!

Hulababy Tue 23-Apr-13 21:03:55

I do work but PT and these days earn a vast amount less than DH. However, regardless of that we have everything in joint accounts plus a joint CC. I use cards for either without having to ask or check it is ok.

suebfg Tue 23-Apr-13 21:05:09

Yes I think you are right that I probably mean a budget rather than an allowance. An amount that you can spend as you wish without feeling guilty about it!

LaQueen Tue 23-Apr-13 21:05:38

DH has always earned loads more than me.

Since married, we've shared a joint account, and I've often not worked. It's our money...

If I want something I buy it out of the joint account...if it's a big purchase, I will (out of courtesy) mention it to DH, and vice versa.

But, if just buying myself new shoes...or getting my hair hi-lighted...then, no, of course I wouldn't need to ask him. And, he be highly confused if I did.

jellybeans Tue 23-Apr-13 21:07:04

DH works, I am SAHM. We just have a joint account and spend what we like on clothes etc. It's our money not his. So is any money I get.

Theyoniwayisnorthwards Tue 23-Apr-13 21:12:17

Big pot, everything in. Then we did a budget to cover all important expenses, decided how much to save and agreed what to allow for luxuries like holidays. We each get an equal amount of spending money a week for ourselves but budget has taken into account things like his travel costs so our spending money is literally just for nice-to-haves.

StuntGirl Tue 23-Apr-13 21:14:08

We pay the essentials and then split what's left between us for 'spends'. That was the same when he was out of work, its how it is now he earns more than me and it'll stay the same when I graduate and will be out earning him.

Don't feel guilty about a thing. It's family money, and all members of the family should have some treats as well as the essentials (within budget of course).

Most of DH's salary goes into the joint account and is swiftly swallowed up by tight, detailed budget like mortgage, direct debits, groceries, etc, and categories such as school uniform, children's clubs, holiday fund, etc.

A small (and incidentally equal) amount is transferred into each of our personal accounts.

I choose whether I spend mine on cake, clothes or comics. I neither know nor care what DH spends his on!

OneToThree Tue 23-Apr-13 21:18:38

Dh works I'm a sahm. He does a job that gets paid I do a job that doesn't get paid. We have a joint account and we both spend sensibly. Anything big we discuss. I couldn't be in a relationship where it wasn't like this to be honest.

I'll never forget a girl I worked with wasn't allowed to buy lettuce anymore as it had gone over £1. I remember thinking WTAF!

freddiefrog Tue 23-Apr-13 21:19:01

I do work, but only part-time. DH earns about 5 times as much as I do

All our money gets put into a joint account, then I we spend what's left on whatever

I give myself a monthly budget for clothes for me, includes make up, hair gubbins, cuts, etc, because I felt I was spending far more than my fair share and it's focused my shopping habits. It's entirely self imposed though. DH doesn't give me an 'allowance', I'd be unimpressed if he did

TSSDNCOP Tue 23-Apr-13 21:20:32

Interesting question.

Prior to having DS I made more than DH by a lot, although we had a joint account from the time we were first married. At that point, both he or I would simply buy what we liked unless it was a big outlay (cars, expensive gadgets).

Then after DS I was a SAHM and was made redundant whilst on mat leave. We pulled in our belts as you do, but there was never a question of asking before spending.

The difference was purely how I felt and this is the irrational part. Even though lots of our lifestyle existed because of my previous job I felt uncomfortable spending money that DH now earned alone.

DH never once made it a thing, as far as he's concerned it's our income. But I just didn't feel comfortable. As a consequence, as soon as I could I took a part time job. It brings in compartively little to our shared account. But I feel like I have more of a right to treat myself.

Reading back this looks ridiculous and I'm sure I'll be utterly flamed. But you asked and that's how I felt.

suebfg Tue 23-Apr-13 21:24:31

Yes, I think if I was earning then regardless of how much I earned, I would feel more entitled to spend it. It is a mindset - DH wouldn't begrudge me anything within reason.

freddiefrog Tue 23-Apr-13 21:25:39

Oh, and DH and I have always just bought whatever, whenever, provided we could afford it and all bills were covered.

We do check with each other before any big purchases or spends; not from an asking permission perspective, more from a is that money spare or earmarked for car tax/dd1's school residential/new school shoes perspective

OrbisNonSufficit Tue 23-Apr-13 21:28:33

I work, and earn all the money. My DH works, but his business isn't making any money at the moment. All of our money is 'ours', not mine. If either of us wants to buy something expensive, we consult the other person. Other than that there aren't any rules about who spends money on what.

I'd be completely horrified if DH considered the money to be 'mine' - our financial set up is completely a joint decision (ie he could be working in a salary job, we've decided as a couple to do things differently). Similarly, when our baby is born he'll be a SAHD after my maternity leave ends - that's a joint decision as well so the money is still 'ours'.

valiumredhead Tue 23-Apr-13 21:47:47

Dh works and I don't. I have access to all money as it is in a joint account - we just buy what we like within reason, we never check with each other unless it is a massive purchase. Wrt clothes we buy what we need/like.

Mamacj Tue 23-Apr-13 21:55:04

I would think you should be allocated a certain limit you could spend each month. If you could I would try to do something to earn your own money so you can buy what you want when you want, I personally couldn't rely on somebody else's income

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