to think people should be able to cope with their own children alone?

(287 Posts)
alisunshine29 Thu 07-Mar-13 22:37:16

I have two daughters aged 5.5 years and 9 months and can and do do everything with/for them. I have friends with similar aged children who wouldn't dream of giving the kids a bath/taking them swimming /shopping/out for the day without their husband or mum there to 'help They also expect husband/mum to take kids if they're ill themselves/take time out to help with kids if they're ill. AIBU to think it's a bit daft if a parent can't cope with their kids and basic day to day things alone?

ToTeachOrNotToTeach Mon 11-Mar-13 21:49:26

That's great to hear PrettyKitty - 5 is in sight in this household!

dogindisguise Mon 11-Mar-13 22:01:23

I can't take my two swimming alone as you're supposed to have 1 adult per child aged under three and the pool is too cold for young babies. It's hard to cope when you are sick too; after all you're not expected to go to work when you're sick!

Kytti Mon 11-Mar-13 22:31:30

My eldest 2 are 18m apart and 18 m later dt's came along. I have no help, but would love some. Are you sure you're not a teensy bit jealous? I envy people who have lots of it, but don't really begrudge them. Usually! lol

I hate taking the children shopping and always wait until dh is home. If I have to, and sometimes I do, I can do it, but it involves HUGE amounts of patience. The dt's have been swimming twice in their 3yrs. It's just not possible.

But we just do it. We get one. I had them 'cos I wanted them, and that's great. Just be happy for your friends, and pleased you can go it alone.

Kytti Mon 11-Mar-13 22:49:40

Surely saying 'i could do it all alone but people will help so why should I?' Is not all that different a theory to people that say 'i could get a job but the government will pay me benefits if I don't so why should I?'

Yikes. There you go. Next time anyone asks for help when they're ill, or if a DP wants to be involved with their dear grandchildren, remember you shall destroy the fabric of civilisation itself.

Alisun - you are a nutter.

ballstoit Mon 11-Mar-13 22:51:09

I can, and mostly do, manage 3 dc alone. But it's easier and more fun to have an extra pair of hands and some adult conversation. Plus DS needs to have a male role model for more time than the one day a fortnight he spends with his Dad.

Morloth Mon 11-Mar-13 23:12:00

I have an almost 9 year old who swims competitively and a 3 year old with no fear of anything.

I avoid taking them swimming by myself if I can because they are such different ages.

The 9 year old wants to do laps in the big pool and the 3 year old wants to splash in the little one.

As confident as I am in the big ones ability I am not willing to let him go off alone just yet.

We also spend lots of time at the beach, again they are in such different places that it isnt a good idea to have just the one adult supervising.

Of course I could do this stuff alone, but why?

BegoniaBampot Mon 11-Mar-13 23:41:08

Oh don't . I used to live in sun and pool land. It was very stressful doing the pool thing wth two youngish children and trying to keep both safe. Still have nightmares about a few few near misses.

Mimishimi Tue 12-Mar-13 00:28:04

How strange. How would you know why they have someone along to 'help'? Maybe they just like hanging out as a family. You come across as bitter.

Morloth Tue 12-Mar-13 00:31:38

I am a pretty laid back parent, except around water.

It terrifies me with the kids, we lose so many every year to backyard pools and lakes and rivers.

I both love it and hate it. One of the reasons DS1 is such a good swimmer is because I push, DS2 is pretty competent as well.

I have nightmares about them drowning all the time. It is enough to make me wonder about past lives actually because it freaks me out so very much.

alisunshine29 Tue 12-Mar-13 11:56:31

My eldest has no fear of water and is a competent swimmer but obviously would never let her out of my sight. Youngest I am generally holding. I'm not bitter; I do wish people that have help appreciated it more than some do as they'll never truly know what it's like to have absolutely no-one and they're very lucky.

rainrainandmorerain Tue 12-Mar-13 14:27:42

Alisunshine - if that had been your opening post, you'd have had a lot more sympathetic responses, and needlessly upset a lot fewer people.

As I and others have said - I am sorry you personally are not in a situation where you have more help, as it would clearly make things easier, and make you happier. I am quite cross at your DP - he has come across in some other threads as simply not willing to do any parenting without you present. Even when he has time (I'm thinking of the thread you started about him 'following you' around at baby and toddler groups on his days off).

You shouldn't assume that people who have help are not grateful. I make a big, big distinction between my DP parenting (they are his children too, and I expect him to pull his weight in this day and age) and other relatives or friends helping out, beyond any call of duty.

Also a lot of women have experienced different levels of support at different points of parenthood. Everything from where you live to changing relationships' and ageing parents, plays a role. Just because someone seems to have a lot of help now doesn't mean they have always had it, or had it with their first child, etc.

You never know the whole picture of someone else's circumstances at a glance, which is one reason why rushing to judge is a waste of time and energy.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 12-Mar-13 17:30:47

I agree with rainrain

OP i do appreciate co-parenting, and I am fortunate that my parents are incredibly supportive an involved.

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