To expect only the guests I've invited to turn up to my DD's party?

(186 Posts)

It was my daughters 8th birthday recently and I envited all the girls from her class. Most of them replied and one asked if she could bring her sister. I said yes, then kind of wished I hadn't, because I thought now I can't say no to any other siblings and there could be loads.
Anyway, we had all the replies, so I bought the right nomber of party bags, specially made cup-cakes etc and set a pretty table with the right nomber of chairs. Then 3 siblings turn up. There parents hadn't asked me if this was o.k, if they had, I would've set extra places etc. The siblings sat at the table and so there wasn't enough room, which caused 3 tearful girls. I had to squash them in on the corners. Then the uninvited siblings were waiting for party bags. (With their parents!!) The parents even expected that the siblings that hadn't been invited should get a party bag. shock When I said "I'm really sorry, but I only have enough for the girls I invited" They looked rather disgruntled.
Is this quite the norm when it comes to parties? I thought I was very rude, but is that just me??
I put so much effort into this party as it's the first one since she's been at the school, and felt it was a bit of a flop. My daughter has SEN's and became quite overwhelmed and tearfull. She's never had a party with that many children before. (I know that's my fault for inviting too many)
I think next year we'll just have a little party at home with one friend.

Thumbwitch Wed 06-Mar-13 21:04:48

Kristina - I am utterly disgusted with the self-centredness of that mum! How awful for you and the other children, and thank goodness another mum was able to come and help you out.

stormforce - argh! That woman couldn't have cared less about her 2 DC, obviously! angry What a thing to do to them!

digerd Wed 06-Mar-13 19:25:39

Wondering what these awful people do when they invite children round to their house for a party. Bet it's double standards for them.

chipmonkey Wed 06-Mar-13 19:10:28

Oh, by now, I 'm resigned to the fact that people will:
1/ Not RSVP and not turn up
2/ Not RSVP and still turn up
3/ Bring siblings who weren't invited
I always do extra party bags, and most of the time, the extra ones get used up.

NeverWinsMNComps Wed 06-Mar-13 18:48:54

I'm on the extreme opposite end of the spectrum. Every bugger and their neighbor's cousin gets invited in, fed cake/wine (as appropriate), roped into playing ridiculous, and messy party games, photographed and embarrassed on facebook where possible. As long as everybody plays nicely, they're welcome. Parents tend to stay because it's a laugh, although they may end up fishing rainbow drops out of their cleavage for hours afterwards. I'd be really sad if somebody didn't come because their sibling didn't have childcare. But horses for courses, and all that...

stormforce10 Wed 06-Mar-13 18:28:53

I popped back onto this thread specially to tell you my horror story about dds 4th birthday party at a soft play area. The vast majoirity of parents stayed and there were a few siblings whos parents paid for them. I had extra party bags so for the younger ones I did give them one.

However one mum was there with her 3 year old at the entrance when I arrived and immediately said thanks for having them I'll see you later. Before I had chance to draw breath she'd gone leaving me with 3 year old. I didn't even register the them. I took 3 year old inside with us and after about 10 mintues she burst into tears and started asking where her sister was. Finally managed to calm her down enough to find her mum had sent her sister to the toilet just before we arrived and we located weeping 6 year old outside toilets.

I've still get the rage and panic thinking about it. FFS I was left with a child I'd never laid eyes on and didn't even know I was responsible for.

angry

Oh and then there was the mother who dropped her 4 year old at dd's 5 birthday and phoned about an hour after the party started to tell me "by the way X is allergic to eggs in all forms and she's vegeterian" Sadly by the time I noticed I had an answer machine message X had just guzzled a ham sandiwich and a big slice of cake. I just told her mum when she turned up that her message had come to late so X may have a problem with the eggs in the cake I didn't dare mention the ham sandwich

Nanny0gg Wed 06-Mar-13 18:21:06

Anyone else hoping that some of these entitled parents are on MN?

lia66 Wed 06-Mar-13 18:14:29

I was surprised he thought it was ok.
The woman at the theatre though, just wow shock

Kiriwawa Wed 06-Mar-13 18:05:01

lia66 - I was almost too scared to read your post but it's actually very heartening. I don't know why I'm getting so anxious - I've been to loads of parties with the same group of kids and no one ever insists their siblings get a party bag or any other kind of abhorrent behaviour so they're unlikely to suddenly go all partyzilla on me.

Kristina - I am absolutely speechless at that. WTF is wrong with some people?!

Rowgtfc72 Wed 06-Mar-13 17:54:29

mummy loves lucy-thanks for that.Have passed parents today who still havent replied and I cant be bothered to chase them up now ! By the way Dd is a Lucy !

KristinaM Wed 06-Mar-13 14:45:17

I had to phone another of the mums to come and collect us. I thought about walking them all to the station about 2miles away and coming back the next day for my car. but it was a freezing January evening and they were dressed in party type clothes.

Apparently the mum who left was quite aggrieved that I hadnt phoned her up later to see how her Dd was . Clearly the mum didn't think she had done anything wrong ...

Which is kind of a theme on this thread, isn't it? Parents who fancy a child free aftrenoon and can't see why their little darling will make any difference when you have 20 others. Parents who assume you will pay for their child , buy food and prepare a party bag on the off chance that they are free that aftrenoon. Families who assume that you will be happy to provide an afternoons entertainment for them all,rather than just the child you invited.

Sigh

expatinscotland Wed 06-Mar-13 14:30:39

What a cow she was, Kristina!

lia66 Wed 06-Mar-13 14:10:26

I took dd (5, yr 1) to a bear making party at a house last weekend. I left dh at home with dd (7) and sleeping toddler. Dh asked me if I could just take dd (7) with me as she'll be bored at home with noone to play with shock . I said absolutely no way, even if it wasn't in the child's house, still bad manners.

DeskPlanner Wed 06-Mar-13 13:58:49

Kristina What did you do ? That woman was so rude.

DeskPlanner Wed 06-Mar-13 13:56:04

Yes, labelling is a good idea. Parties are so stressful.

KristinaM Wed 06-Mar-13 13:50:28

Once I arranged a theatre trip for my Dds 10thbirthday.one mum asked if she coudl come too as her child was shy ( they had all been friends in the same class for 5 years [ hmm] ). So I asked her if she could take another 3 children in her car, to save my SIl having to come along too ( Dh was at home with baby and toddler ) . Also she could have my SILs ticket as I couldn't get an extra ticket near where we were siting in the theatre. Fair enough

About half an hour into the performance the mum whispered to me that her DD wasn't enjoying the show so they were going home. And they promptly departed, leaving me with 8 children and no way to get them home in my 5 seated car . I couldn't even get Dh to drive into town and get us as the children wouldn't fit in his car with a baby and toddler seat.

Yes, be afraid. Be very afraid. grin Labeling party bags is definatly a good idea. That would've saved me some bother. Also assume parents will stay. They usually do, from my experience.

Good luck. grin

Rowgtfc72 Tue 05-Mar-13 21:45:58

Worried now ! Its dds 6th birthday party in a hall on Sunday. Have enough party bags for the twenty four invited children (shame only 14 of them have bothered to reply to invites that went out on the 15th Feb and the reminders that went out last week ).I assumed parents of 5/6 year olds would drop and run, not so sure now. I never even considered siblings ! But it has prompted me to label party bags and find out what the child with allergies can and cant eat.

DIYapprentice Tue 05-Mar-13 21:25:19

Kiriwawa - a bear making party is very different to a village hall party. As you said, the activity is number specific. I can't imagine you having 25 children running out of control there, can you? A smaller, controllable number, with a set activity is very different, and as you say, most children will be happy being there.

We've just handed out invites for DS1's 6th party, with the option for parents to go with their DC or to drop off. So far, all the parents are indicating that they would like to go. (Actually in this case, as there's planes involved, I suspect we'll have a few dads there!!! grin)

Kiriwawa Tue 05-Mar-13 20:19:03

Oh and if one of his friends said 'X would love to come but I've got no care for Y and X is absolutely terrified of you and won't be in your house unless I'm there' then of course i would say that they could stay with Y. But actually Y will be bloody miserable while everyone is stuffing bears.

And no one has asked anyway so I don't know why I'm getting anxious. <fret>

Kiriwawa Tue 05-Mar-13 20:15:12

I'm a working single patent, NotaDragon with no relatives living nearby so childcare is a constant issue in my life. But that's my issue, not anyone else's. It's just a fact of life and it applies to my down time as well as working.

And at 5/6 I wouldn't expect parents/siblings to stay because that's year 1 and year 1 NT children should be able to be left without parental supervision.

There are some parties where it's appropriate to take a sibling (group party at a soft play where parents pay) and some not (small party at someone's home where a specific theme is mentioned which hopefully indicates that it's unsuitable for siblings). I haven't even bought party bags because the bears are the take home gift although I could probably cobble together a load of tat from previous parties if necessary.

tiggytape Tue 05-Mar-13 20:04:50

That's nice of you DragonofSoup. But some parents won't want to do that.

....because the party is a bear-making, numbers limited one and they've no extra stuff or because half the invited children have younger siblings who will want to stay too or because other cheeky parents will also plead no childcare to go off shopping child-free for 2 hours, or because they don't want to babysit much older or much younger children who will spoil what they've got planned....

If someone offers though, that is lovely.

I don't care if you don't have childcare for your other children - bluntly, it's not my problem

Personally, I would go out of my way to help someone whose child would not be able to attend due to childcare problems.

Bunbaker Tue 05-Mar-13 19:42:23

" I am astounded at the amount of people who say they don't expect one for sibs." I'm not. At a class party at a soft play that could potentially double the number of party bags. I admit that I have been astonished at the number of parents who have assumed that siblings are automatically invited to parties. I wonder if some of the problems haven't come from the birthday parent not being able to be firm about no siblings.

Kiriwawa Tue 05-Mar-13 19:36:26

DIY - your posts are terrifying me. I've invited a specific number of children over this weekend for a bear-making party. I have enough kits for the number of children who have been invited and no extras.

I don't care if you don't have childcare for your other children - bluntly, it's not my problem. At 5/6, I am expecting/hoping everyone will leave their children. I don't have the room/time to entertain a load of adults and siblings.

I do know all the invitees and their parents fairly well so I hope the parents leave. God I really hope they do or I will feel like I'm in an OFSTED observation situation ...

Gingerodgers Tue 05-Mar-13 18:50:01

If I said sibs ok, they would get a party bag! I am astounded at the amount of people who say they don't expect one for sibs. In fact most party's we have gone to ,( drop, not stay) a party bag is provided for sibs anyway.

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