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To expect only the guests I've invited to turn up to my DD's party?

(186 Posts)

It was my daughters 8th birthday recently and I envited all the girls from her class. Most of them replied and one asked if she could bring her sister. I said yes, then kind of wished I hadn't, because I thought now I can't say no to any other siblings and there could be loads.
Anyway, we had all the replies, so I bought the right nomber of party bags, specially made cup-cakes etc and set a pretty table with the right nomber of chairs. Then 3 siblings turn up. There parents hadn't asked me if this was o.k, if they had, I would've set extra places etc. The siblings sat at the table and so there wasn't enough room, which caused 3 tearful girls. I had to squash them in on the corners. Then the uninvited siblings were waiting for party bags. (With their parents!!) The parents even expected that the siblings that hadn't been invited should get a party bag. shock When I said "I'm really sorry, but I only have enough for the girls I invited" They looked rather disgruntled.
Is this quite the norm when it comes to parties? I thought I was very rude, but is that just me??
I put so much effort into this party as it's the first one since she's been at the school, and felt it was a bit of a flop. My daughter has SEN's and became quite overwhelmed and tearfull. She's never had a party with that many children before. (I know that's my fault for inviting too many)
I think next year we'll just have a little party at home with one friend.

getmeoutofthismadhouse Sun 03-Mar-13 13:32:44

Wow yanbu . I have had a few parties and usually there has been places for siblings so I have asked if they wanted to join otherwise no I wouldn't expect there to be places or indeed party bags etc for siblings, that's rude.
I have never come across this before . Imagine if every child invited had 2 or 3 siblings :O

No, they were from different families. The mother of one of them was really miserable too. Everyone was laughing at the entertainer, while she just looked blank, when we passed each other, I smiled at her and she just looked at me as if to say "what on earth are you smilling at".

I thoght the party would be a good way to get to know the parents. I guess It's been good to know who to avoid too.

KristinaM Sun 03-Mar-13 13:35:19

YANBU. Most parents drop and run for 8yo.though it might be different if they all have SN?

And it's very rude to bring siblings without asking,especially if they sit at the table , play the games and take party bags

I hope your DD enjoyed her party, despite the tears

idiot55 Sun 03-Mar-13 13:35:55

really rude on lots of levels, Ive had similar happen at a soft play party, where a parent brought a sibling and as they came in , just pretended the sibling had been invited too, and placed the sandwich and ice cream order for them too and didnt offer money and sat them believe it or not at the head of the tea table , my daughter ( birthday girl) had to squeeze in on the edge.

so rude, luckily it had been spotted by other parents who also found it rude.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sun 03-Mar-13 13:43:12

I've taken my little sister 2 parties with me, but shes 13 now, and in the soft play centres, the little kids love her, because she gets in, shes never expected, asked for anything, she normally just encourages DD to join in a little.

Smudging Sun 03-Mar-13 13:47:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

loopyluna Sun 03-Mar-13 14:44:15

Yanbu.
At DD's 10th birthday party which was def a drop off and run, one mum turned up with her "cousin" and his 7 year old daughter and asked if the 7 year old could stay too. The child had brought a present too so it had obviously been planned.
It was no biggie really but the child didn't know anyone except her distant cousin and, as the parents didn't stay, I couldn't see why they had done this!
A month later I found out (from the dad) that DD's friend's mum was actually having an affair with her cousin! The bloody cheek!

Nanny0gg Sun 03-Mar-13 14:44:51

One thing I don't get - if other univited children muscled in on the table/the games/the food etc, I would just politely move them!
"I'm really sorry Fred, but Jane needs to sit there. Go over and sit with your mum and dad for the minute, please."
And repeat.

Why put up with such rudeness?

squeaver Sun 03-Mar-13 14:49:09

Absolutely outrageous. What parent is staying at an 8 year olds party anyway? And who, in their right mind, would think it ok to send an uninvited sibling along?

TheCatInTheHairnet Sun 03-Mar-13 14:54:28

Did you expect the parents to stay? Because I would rather poke myself in the eye with a stick than stay at an 8 year olds party. I love it when they get to the age when you can drop and run!

cakebar Sun 03-Mar-13 15:00:49

YANBU but I would be like Nanny0gg, I go into party organising mode. "Sorry x's sister, there isn't enough layers for you to join in, can you go back to mum?". I would have let them have food, but not at the table if there wasn't enough room.

At Ds's last party I stood by the door and collected phone numbers to make sure all parents knew I prefered them to leave. Most looked relieved smile

Bunbaker Sun 03-Mar-13 15:05:26

"Is this quite the norm when it comes to parties?"

Most definitely not. What kind of venue was the party at? Fair enough if it was a soft play and no childcare available for siblings. Then the parent would be expected to pay the entry fee for the sibling and any food and drink they may require. They certainly would not be entitled to a party bag or any party food unless there was any left over.

These parents were taking the mick. Besides what kind of parent stays at a party for 8 year olds?

FlouncingMintyy Sun 03-Mar-13 15:06:10

Gosh, I find this really hard to believe! All the parents stayed at an 8 year old's party and three of them bought siblings and let them sit at the table???

Where on earth do you live?

DeafLeopard Sun 03-Mar-13 15:08:36

I'm another meanie, who would do what NannyOgg would do.

No way would I put up with some chancer trying to dump their other DCs on me and ruin my DCs party.

But at that age I wouldn't expect parents to be staying at a party anyway *usual disclaimer about SEN / allergies etc

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Sun 03-Mar-13 15:13:50

YANBU it is so rude

I know it can be tricky when you have other children and only one is going to a party but you just have to suck it up, no reason to gatecrash some poor childs party

I have found though that since my huge rugby playing scary looking DH has taken over the party side of things for our dc that no one takes the piss anymore grin

Kiriwawa Sun 03-Mar-13 15:16:42

I'm planning on standing by the door and saying goodbye to the parent when they arrive at our house next week. I really don't want them all to stay - I've got enough to do without worrying about making tea and coffee for a load of adults.

That is really rude OP - I've just come back from a bowling party and siblings were all very clear that they weren't invited

BoringTheBuilder Sun 03-Mar-13 15:28:51

That is why I invite only non school friends for dd's party as it makes easier to say a big fat NO to siblings or keep tracking on how many siblings attend. However this year I will invite other whole class and I'm sure siblings will come so I will plan accordingly. It will be at a hired hall so not a big deal and to be fair buying food and loot bags in bulky makes it cheaper anyway. One thing that I'm sure not to do is overdo the food as I absolutely HATE see food going to waste. Will be just enough for everybody and if they still hungry they can fuck off to eat at home. I'm don't mean to hijack the thread but is it better/cheaper buying little juice cartoons from lidl or buy sqash + cups? I was thinking buying cups for water only would be better. Plus do you serve the cake at the party or put it in the loot bag? I went to a party yesterday and they did the later.

WeAreEternal Sun 03-Mar-13 15:29:04

I organised my DN's birthday party a few weeks ago, 4 children that hadnt RSVPed turned up there were also 6 sibblings that came and joined in.

Although I had done a few extra of everything we still had drama.

The venue had only set out enough tables for the amout of children who RSVPed, and because the food was individual lunch boxes there wasn't enough (I had only asked them to do two extra 'just in case') so we were still two short for the actuall invited children.

In the end I had to ask the uninvited children to go and sit with their parents as there wasn't room at the party tables, which caused a lot of drama and two tantrums.
And I ended up having to give explanations to several disgruntled parents as to why the uninvited children couldn't sit at the party tables and have food.
One mother even suggested that I take all of the food out of the lunchboxes and put it on the tables buffet style so that there would be enough for everyone.

We had organised party games, with enough prizes for all of the invited children, but because the uninvited children wanted to join in I had a dilemma. In the end I decided to let them play but not let them win IYKWIM do that all of the invited children ended up with prizes but the uninvited children did not.
Again I ended up having to explain to the parents why they little uninvited darlings did not win prizes.

At the end of the party I did not have party bags for the uninvited children, but as some of the children and parents had obviously worked out what was going to happen they started helping themselves, so several invited children ended up without party bags. I was not impressed, and was very tempted to go to the parents of the uninvited children and as for the bags back, but was talked out of it by DBRO.

I do not see the harm in bringing siblings, but why do parents seem to think they should be catered for and involved in the party. I find it very rude.

MyDarlingClementine Sun 03-Mar-13 15:33:22

yanbu esp at 8 years old v rude of parents to let dc wait for bags/
however i have always done a few extra bags just in case.

TreadOnTheCracks Sun 03-Mar-13 15:35:25

YANBU I do sometimes have to take a sibling along, but would pay for them/buy their food if it's softplay. Usually if the party is too far away to drop and run and no one at home to look after sibling.

As the organising mum/dad I don't think you should ever expect to enjoy the party, you just have to get through it.

I too am guilty of always inviting too many children, so I rope in a grandparent to make sure the birthday child is enjoying themselves whilst I run around making cups of tea, organising games, putting plasters on, sorting food, wiping up sick (new one this year).

After every party I say never again, then by the next birthday I throw myself into it again.

I'm amazed at how passive some of you are! If uninvited children were ruining my child'd birthday party, I would ask them to take their extra children and leave (as tactfully as possible - " your older three don't seem to be finding pass-the-parcel very exciting and are getting a bit restless, why don't you take them to the park, I'm quite happy to watch your little one until the end of the party"). I certainly wouldn't let them sit at the party table at the expense of invited guests.

I always have a few extra party bags for siblings who might be there for the last few minutes waiting for the party to end, but whole families of extra children expecting to take part in the entire party is beyond rude!

Bunbaker Sun 03-Mar-13 15:41:25

I think it is so rude not to reply to an invitation. I would feel very tempted to word an invitation along the lines of:
Siblings and parents are not included in the invitation and food/party bags will be for those who bother to reply to the invitation - but in a more polite format of course.

I admit that I am speechless at the number of people who behave in such an "entitled" manner.

CruCru Sun 03-Mar-13 15:42:39

A friend of mine had one of her sons friends come (invited) and all five of his siblings (uninvited). She said it was embarrassing as it changed the dynamic of the party, there wasn't really enough food and she didn't have party bags for them.

Oh gosh really surprised at everyone saying this isn't normal. In my experience (4 kids, loads of parties) soft play - siblings get paid for by their parents and eat something their parents buy. No problems.
Parties at home - various siblings arrive, parents expect them to join in with food and make rubbish attempts to keep them away from the games and partybags.
Paid for by number (eg krispy kreme) sibling either sneaked in or turns up and sits bored.
I now have to write on invites 'if you have to bring a sibling, you must let me know'
Poor you!

HarrietSchulenberg Sun 03-Mar-13 15:49:29

As others have said, if I have to take siblings along I alwsys pay for them to play and they eat separately (assuming it's soft play). I would never leave them at a house party uninvited. That really is just rude.

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