to think this waa an awful way to behave? re: estranged DSC

(282 Posts)
alisunshine29 Sat 23-Feb-13 12:35:36

DP has two children with ex wife. When we first met he had lots of contact, his ex moved 50 miles away and contact gradually reduced because of that and starting school etc. His shift meant he could only have them for weekends every six weeks or so but then it could be several in a row plus plenty of annual leave in school holidays to have them. His ex insisted he have them alternate weekends which he couldn't do so she said he'd have to take her to court to formally sort contact. This was 16 months ago and he's done nothing to resolve contact. I have encouraged and supported but he is burying his head in the sand big time and actually believes the kids will grow up and decide to live with us.
Anyway,yesterday we were at an ice skating/swimming pool venue with my elder DD and the DD we have together when DP saw his exes dad, making it very likely his children were there with him. DP wanted to leave, despite having travelled sixty miles to get there. I didn't know what to do for the best but in the end I took my children swimming while DP pretty much hid. It just left me thinking how awful it would've been if DSC had seen DP from a distance playing happy families with our children, or wondering what he'd do if he/we did bump into them and whether his children would even recognise him. I could see him physically relax as we drove away and it makes me so sad for his children :-( his parents live between us and where DSC live so bumping into them at local events is always going to have the potential to happen. AIBU to think it's an awful situation that needs resolving for all involved sake, obviously particularly the children.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Mon 25-Feb-13 01:50:25

What on earth are you getting out of being with this man, OP?

WhatKindofFool Mon 25-Feb-13 07:22:04

The mother sounds like an idiot but the father has not fought for his kids. The 2 year old will have forgotten him. Unfortunately, I've seen fathers behave like this before. In fact, I had an ex boyfriend who had behaved in a similar way. He had his excuses and I wanted to see the good in him so I fell for them. He turned out to be someone who was lacking in basic human qualities in many other aspects of his life and was very destructive to many other people around him as a result. He was a total coward who put his own needs way ahead of anyone else's.

now that I see him for who he really is I despise him.

WhatKindofFool Mon 25-Feb-13 07:36:17

I've just read the posts about a "cocklodger". Great expression! This ex of mine was one of those too. He also left me with no warning and with serious financial problems which were incurred because of him.

he's a vampire basically. or as my friend says - in life there are drains and radiators.

some people add to life, some people just take away and will suck the life out of anyone willing to offer them a jugular to sink their teeth into.

pinkyredrose Mon 25-Feb-13 15:35:05

How are you today OP?

WilsonFrickett Mon 25-Feb-13 17:11:31

He's not weak at all. I suspect you need to think that he is weak because then you can 'fix' him. But he's not weak, his manipulative. I also suspect he hid from the FIL because the FIL would have looked right through him and walked right past him - why on earth would the FIL want him in his GC's life? - but that wouldn't fit in with the view of himself he wants you to have.

Samu2 Mon 25-Feb-13 17:33:56

You had children with this man?

I am amazed that my dad has managed to father 14 children he doesn't see. His partners all assumed that he would be different with their children.

Ha, what a joke!

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