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To think that my dh's friend's girlfriend is being really rude when she shorterns our pfb's name.

(172 Posts)
mameulah Mon 18-Feb-13 13:07:50

The first time she did it he was five days old! Now she does it all the time, in texts, on cards, gift tags and everything. She has never once heard either of us use this nickname and it really, really winds me up!!!

I know my dh is right and it is not that important but I don't at all understand why she thinks it is okay for her to do this.

Has anyone else had to cope with this?

Fakebook Tue 19-Feb-13 12:57:21

I don't think you're being precious at all or unreasonable. I'm a bit hmm about all of these pfb comments too. I wouldn't want my second child's name shortened either by anyone.

BeCool Netherlands Tue 19-Feb-13 13:13:01

You would not be U to want your DC to be called a specific name.

However to call people rude, and to think you can insist and people must obey you re a name is U.

exoticfruits Tue 19-Feb-13 13:42:01

Parents who don't expect anyone to call their child anything other than is on their birth certificate is very naive IMO

They won't be told either-many a time on baby naming threads they are told what will happen in the playground and won't accept it!

* I wouldn't want my second child's name shortened either by anyone.*

But maybe your second child will want it shortened and then you will have to put up with it. I was on holiday with a group-there was a mother and her daughter. The DD was early 20's and introduced herself as Cat, so everyone called her Cat. Her mother then called her Catherine, got blank looks and started saying 'Catherine but she calls herself Cat, which I don't like'! Eventually she had to start referring to her as Cat or it sounded silly. I expect she went back to Catherine at home-which would be fine.
After the age of 5 yrs they make friends who never see you, and come in contact with adults who never see you, so it is down to the child.

Fakebook Tue 19-Feb-13 14:04:50

True exotic, but I use myself as an example of someone who was called a shortened version of a name by parents and then had the strenuous task of getting everyone to call me by my full name when I started secondary school. I spent months ignoring teachers registers if they called me the shortened version, and ignoring other schoolmates until they got the hint that I wanted my full name to be used.

It's easier to change to a shortened version from the long version IMO.

Fakebook Tue 19-Feb-13 14:05:47

I wouldn't mind my child shortening their name either, but at least I'll leave them with a choice rather than impose it on them.

Greenkit Tue 19-Feb-13 16:45:17

Op, here are my kids names and what they are now called.....(I don't care about outing)

Emma (24yrs) known as Loopy-Loo
Amy (16yrs) known as Tink, Tinkerbell or stinkerbell grin
Sam (14yrs boy) known as Samel the camel, Cam, or wam wam shock

So you see it doesn't really matter what you call them, it hardly ever sticks grin

exoticfruits Tue 19-Feb-13 16:52:26

It does take a while to get it changed but people get there at the end. I know a James whose parents called him Jamie and had always intended him to be Jamie. Aged 8yrs he decided James was better and insisted on it-he corrected teachers and everyone, every single time and they got there in the end. I have a friend who just changed her name completely in her 20's and it took a couple of years to get used to it-but it comes automatically now.

Quenelle Tue 19-Feb-13 17:33:59

I'm of the opinion that nicknames are bestowed, not chosen, and it's usually done as a sign of affection. So unless it's actually offensive or hurtful I think your friend is NBU.

My parents deliberately chose a name for me that couldn't be shorted. Since I was very young I've been known by my first initial.

SofaCanary Tue 19-Feb-13 17:52:00

'Precious First Born'

Bloody hell, precious is right. Yes YABU.

zukiecat Tue 19-Feb-13 17:54:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits Tue 19-Feb-13 19:07:52

Sensible zukiecat. I loved the name Edward, but hate any shortened form so I didn't use it. It would have been naive to think that I could stop anyone from shortening it.

zukiecat Tue 19-Feb-13 21:29:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

goldenlula Wed 20-Feb-13 01:18:15

I don't dislike the shortening of ds2's name, far from it but we feel it should be up to him to decide if he wants it shortened, not for others to decide to shorten it and then him just live with that. I have a name that can be shortened, my parents never shortened it and I never liked it shortened. I have two friends now who shorten it and that is fine but in general my name is what it is. We chose ds2's name knowing it would possibly be shortened but he, at 4, doesn't like it being shortened so I think people should respect that until he decides it is ok, if infact he does. All three of mine do have nicknames I use though.

IneedAsockamnesty Wed 20-Feb-13 02:15:40

Yanbu.

Its a bit strange to call anybody anything that they were not introduced to you as.

If a baby gets introduced to me as Thomas then Thomas is his name.if he is introduced as Tom then that's his name.

Obviously its different when they get a bit older can talk and express there own preference.

Shortening a name is not a nick name its just shortening it.

I have a name its how I introduce myself if you call me something else I am unlikely to respond.

But I doubt very much its done from unkindness I expect she has no idea its not liked by some people,I expect she grew up in a family or area where names were shortened and it sounds like otherwise she's being kind and caring so other than every thank you ect being from his actual name and when you pass the baby over for a cuddle saying would you like (insert full first name) for a cuddle that all you can do. Getting wound up or upset about it is quite pointless.

exoticfruits Wed 20-Feb-13 07:09:53

I would agree- I knew that if my DC liked being called Ed etc then that is what would happen- and he probably would..
I wouldn't call a small child anything other than the name the parents used- but people will and you can't stop them.

exoticfruits Wed 20-Feb-13 07:10:37

Quite a lot will use something like 'sweetheart' and miss it out anyway!

I like it when people have their own versions of my kids names - shows affection IMO. My kids have fairly short names do it doesn't happen that often. I however, have a long & unusual name. I get called all sorts of different things by different people. I'm not so keen when I'm mistakenly called a different long name (and then just tell them to call me a short one) but I love the way different people randomly shorten my name. I would have found it very odd if my parents had tried to dictate what others called me - it's my name, not theirs.

Well said jimjams!

exoticfruits Wed 20-Feb-13 08:48:03

Exactly jimjams!

louisianablue2000 Wed 20-Feb-13 16:09:00

To give you somme hope my brother has a name that has lots of short forms. My Mum didn't have a say in it because it was a family name, the eldest son has to be called this name. Anyway, everyone shortened it when he was a child and he even had a nickname that wasn't even a version of his proper name (as is the way with boys). He got to University and started introducing himself by his proper name and everyone who has met him as an adult calls him that.

exoticfruits Wed 20-Feb-13 17:37:22

It is no problem for the person themselves- they can get people to call them their preferred version- it is parents who have no control.

catus Wed 20-Feb-13 17:52:57

Yabu but you'be got a newborn so completely understandable IMO. Just forget it, try to relax.
She sounds quite nice, so don't let it go out of proportion.
And congratulations.

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