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To think that my dh's friend's girlfriend is being really rude when she shorterns our pfb's name.

(172 Posts)
mameulah Mon 18-Feb-13 13:07:50

The first time she did it he was five days old! Now she does it all the time, in texts, on cards, gift tags and everything. She has never once heard either of us use this nickname and it really, really winds me up!!!

I know my dh is right and it is not that important but I don't at all understand why she thinks it is okay for her to do this.

Has anyone else had to cope with this?

KitchenandJumble Mon 18-Feb-13 17:43:00

I must say, it is so refreshing to see an OP accept that she is BU! Well done, OP.

I don't think parents can (or should) control what other people call their children. Barring an offensive nickname, I think it's best to let everyone shorten the names as they please. I'm sure people's intentions are generally good.

By the time the children are old enough to express a preference, they can decide which names and nicknames they like best. I do find it annoying when a child prefers to be called by a nickname and the parent insists otherwise. Very controlling, IMO.

LynetteScavo England Mon 18-Feb-13 17:46:16

well, I think the OP is NBU.

5madthings Mon 18-Feb-13 17:55:00

Have to say i wouldnt shorten a newborns name as i think its something that evolves as they get older and they have a say.

Every now and then someone calls my dd mezza which gives me rage!! Her name is merryn sometimes shortened to merry but mezza?!!

It is being done affectionately but if you really dont like it say so.

We were quite picky with names and discounted a few just because we didnt like the shortening ie genevieve which i love, but would have become jen, which i hate.

cece Mon 18-Feb-13 18:07:31

Strangely I have the opposite problem. Ds2 has the shortened version of a

cece Mon 18-Feb-13 18:08:44

Strangely I have the opposite problem. Ds2 has the shortened version of a name as his actual name. I get people lengthen it...

AngryGnome Mon 18-Feb-13 18:35:13

See, this is why I need mumsnet! I have always shortened and made up funny little nicknames for my friends' children - it never occurred to me that people would be upset by this! Is this really something that causes people to seethe quietly? Surely you would just say if it bothered you that much?

<heads off into the wild blue yonder to unwittingly offend more people>

kerala Mon 18-Feb-13 19:32:03

Bedhopper no he was a lawyer so there is more than one aggressive Russian named Ivan sensitive about the pronunciation of his name - who'd have thunk it!

PoppyWearer Mon 18-Feb-13 19:46:51

I need advice. I have a lot of few friends with DCs named Joshua. Is it ok to call them Josh? I try really hard to stick to Joshua so not to offend but the odd "Josh" slips out accidentally and I really don't want to cause offence!

But then, why pick Joshua if you hate Josh?!

FWIW, my DC1 has a long name which is shortened all the time. We chose a name very carefully for this reason and we're fine with all of the short versions. DH hates it when people shorten his own name and I feel very uncomfortable when people I don't know well shorten mine, because the short version is something only my family and DH call me, and not obvious, but if it's a colleague of DH's they only know me as that. hmm

OTOH, just recently I dared to call BIL by the shorter version of his name, which is how he introduces himself, MIL heard me and practically hissed at me for calling him that!!! (Steve shortened from Stephen, seriously, he's 30yo!!!)

MammaTJ Mon 18-Feb-13 20:06:43

My DDs name is Tia <outs self again and doesn't care> and someone I know insists on calling her T. FFS!! She doesn't even buy her presents, just sees her in the playground.

I cringe a little inside each time she does it. I still just get on with my life and only give it a thought when a subject like this comes up.

I have friends now who hate their full names and insist on their shortened version. I hate the shortened version of my name but allow it from some people, if they are close enough to me.

YANBU but be nice when you ask her not to do it, she is being nice too. Look at the motive before judging the action too harshly.

5madthings Mon 18-Feb-13 20:20:05

I think it depends on the age of the child, once school age or younger, they and their friends choose their own nicknames. For little babies is under one or two, I woulkdnt shorten it unless their parents do.

My ds1 is Theodore but since birth has been Theo as that is what we called him most of the time, he sometimes gets Theodore or theodorable which I do to wind him up as now at 13 he hates it

As I said my dad is merryn, always that, occasionally merry. Yet some occasionally call her mezza!! Ffs and that I correct as I can't stand it.

SE13Mummy Mon 18-Feb-13 20:21:37

My DH is a serial name-shortener (or even name- changerblush) - he ends up calling people by the name he thinks they look like hmm. For this reason he had the final say on DD1's name (out of our top two - I'd have been happy with either) as I hated the thought of having a child named Esmerelda, for example, but called Gertrude by DH because he thought she looked like a Gertrude, "Yes, she's registered as Esmerelda Hyacinth Fortesque-Jones but DH calls her Gertrude".

We also discounted a significant number of names because we preferred different shortened versions of them e.g. Elinor - he preferred Ellie, I prefer Ella. DD1 has a name that has lots of abbreviations, all of which we both like, one of which is more often used as a male name, and any of which she will answer to aged 8.

DD2's name has a couple of shortened versions, one of which we both love (and have used since she was tiny) and another which is perfectly fine. One of DD1's friends, who has known DD2 since she was 6 months old, started using a shortened version that we'd never come across before (think Lydia being called Lee-Lee) and DD2, aged not yet 3 was furious. She said, very clearly, "I'm X or Y, not Z. Don't call me that". Annoyingly, the friend continued calling her 'Lee-Lee' and eventually I did step in and point out that DD2 had already asked her to call her X or Y and that ignoring her request was upsetting her.

So, whilst I think it's odd to choose a name for which you do not like the shortened versions, I can see that having someone else shorten your baby's name might grate. There are, obviously, bigger things to worry about but if this person has been kind enough to send presents etc. then I'm sure she would be kind enough to stick to using the name you have chosen for you DS...once she knows that it matters to you. However, don't take offence if she ends up avoiding his name subsequently - that's DH's coping mechanism when he can't remember if he's meant to be using the full/shortened version of someone's name grin.

YouBrokeMySmoulder Mon 18-Feb-13 20:34:34

I have it the opposite way round with one of my friends. I just cant bring myself to use the diminutive she uses as it makes me cringe but then i sound bad if I use the full version as they never use it.

EvenIfYouSeeAPoppy Mon 18-Feb-13 20:45:22

Dc1 has a name that is commonly shortened, although we only ever use the full version, figuring it will be shortened soon enough by him and his peers. BIL and SIL shorten (and mispronounce) it. It gets on my nerves, but I don't actually think it's my place to say anything - they have their own relationship with him and he's old enough now to say if it bothers him (it doesn't seem to - the mispronunciation is because they are not English speakers bit try to say it in what they think is the English way). That said, it wouldn't occur to me to do the same with my niece or nephew, or with friends' dc. I call them what their parents call them.

In other words, YANBU to feel irritated but YWBU to say anything.

AmberSocks Mon 18-Feb-13 20:46:36

i cant say whether op is unreasonabe or not until she says the name!.......tell us!

mameulah Mon 18-Feb-13 23:22:04

He's called Jonathan.

mameulah Mon 18-Feb-13 23:23:01

...okay, it isn't Jonathan, but I know I definitely would be being UR if was!

BeCool Netherlands Mon 18-Feb-13 23:23:11

The things people expect to be in their realm of control in this life astonishes me!

Just return the gifts with a polite note saying baby X couldn't possibly accept them from someone who doesn't obey his parents. shock

SingingSands Mon 18-Feb-13 23:31:53

Ah, she's only being affectionate. Or maybe she knows another who uses the shorter version? Is it Nathaniel? I have a Nathan and one of the mums I know from school insists on calling him Nathaniel. I don't really mind, but it's not really his name! Anyway, small potatoes...

My cousin had a baby girl and when I told my mum the happy news the conversation went:

Me: "It's a girl! She's called Emily."
Mum: "Emma. She's called Emma."
Me: "No Mum, Emily."
Mum: "Oh. I don't like Emily. No. That won't do... I will call her Emma."
Me: "..."

BenjaminButton172 Mon 18-Feb-13 23:32:32

I gave my dd a name and i expect people to call her by her name.

For example say dds name is katherine i would expect people to call her katherine. If i wanted her to be called kate thats what i would have put on her birth certificate.

I am pretty strict when it comes to names.

OP i would tell her that you dont like it & will she call him by his name.

mameulah Mon 18-Feb-13 23:38:17

BenjaminButton172

What you said. That is exactly what I think.

BeCool

If our ds was 4 or 5 or 25 then I honestly don't think I would be even slightly bothered. But when it first happened he was 5 days old and had only had his name for two days.

It is not a control issue, it is about giving value to the time and care we put into choosing our ds's name.

ironhorse Tue 19-Feb-13 00:00:18

yanbu - i dont like people shortening names. my FIL is the only person who called our little one a shortened name and he was corrected. i know some names get shortened e.g. james to jim - i always think if i wanted them to be called jim i would have given them that name but i didnt... i also have a friend who tells people that her name is her full name, if they ignore her and use a shortened name she ignores them, they soon get the message.

ironhorse Tue 19-Feb-13 00:03:06

BenjaminButton172 looks like we were writing our posts at the same time, i thought i was the only person who thought like that, glad to know other folks do too.

Lavenderhoney Tue 19-Feb-13 05:26:04

I once worked with a man called Jesus and had no idea it was pronounced h- Seuss. Much secret hilarity amongst co - workers until he said I love you think I am the son of god but sadly it's ... I was super embarressed, but I always check now with namessmile

aurynne Spain Tue 19-Feb-13 05:54:55

Lavenderhoney, Jesus is quite a common Spanish name, and it's the same one as the Son of God's, so your coworker's comment was quite silly. Jesus Christ just happened to be given quite a common name. In that time they were many Jesus's around. The name was of course still used after Mary chose it for her son.

Benjamin and OP lots of people do give a full version of a name intending to use a pet version, or to have flexibility to change which version they use depending on circumstances though - just because you personally would have put Kate or Jim (or Jamie) on a birth certificate doesn't mean other people don't feel equally strongly that the full name is the one to put on the birth certificate but that they will use a pet form sometimes/ always and want the child to have a more "grown up name" to chose to use at a later date ... My kids all have short names but I lengthen them and use all sorts of silly pet forms, any name can be shortened, if only to an initial! grin

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