To wear my coat inside someone else's house or ask them to turn up the heating

(195 Posts)
frogspoon Sun 17-Feb-13 09:12:49

I am someone who always feels very cold. No medical reason, I think it's just because I am quite small and thin with little fat for insulation.

When I am at home I always have the thermostat set at 21-22, and even then often find myself sitting next to a radiator or electric heater.

When I go to friends I always find it very cold. I have a choice of either leaving my coat on, or mentioning that its a bit chilly in the hope that they will say they are cold too, and turn on/up the heating. I feel that whichever option I choose comes across as rude as I am implying that their house is cold (sometimes it genuinely is but most of the time it's just me)

Which would you find less/more offensive? Someone not wanting to take off their coat in your home? Or someone you to turn on/up the heating?

MusicalEndorphins Sun 17-Feb-13 09:34:35

You should see your doctor to be sure you do not have a medical reason.

fluckered Sun 17-Feb-13 09:35:35

we have this argument in work all the time. windows open/closed heating on/off. its an open plan office with big floor to ceiling windows and full of computers and printers that after lunch you'd be fit to pass out. a colleague that sits near me would be wearing a long sleeve tshirt and saying she is cold. i say "i cant take off anymore but you CAN put on more clothes"!

Jamillalliamilli Sun 17-Feb-13 09:36:27

Ours is usually unheated and tbh I don’t expect visitors in winter, unless pre-arranged, but I’d expect a friend to keep their coat on and would offer them a quilt, hat, and or a hot water bottle and hot drinks.

I’d find it very humiliating if they asked me to turn on heating as I’d hope they’d have the sense to realise it isn’t off for the fun of it.

Try a jersey headscarf with a crotchet hat; you’ll be surprised how much heat you lose from your head. Double layer of high denier tights is surprisingly good too, but don’t forget layers can trap cold air as well as warm, so if you go somewhere else that’s warm, it’s why you’re still cold in all the layers, take them off even though you don’t feel warm enough to want to initially.

frogspoon Sun 17-Feb-13 09:37:19

Ok, I will look into investing in a fleece (although exactly how I am going to fit all of that under my coat and still do it up when I'm outside I'm not quite sure!)

I have had thyroid checked a few years ago, was normal. Thyroid is unlikely to be an issue I think, because hypothyroidism (which can make you feel cold) tends to make you gain weight, and I am slim (lower end of normal).

Raynauds could be a possibility as my hands and feet and ears get particularly cold.

moomintash Sun 17-Feb-13 09:37:38

Have you tried wearing one of those heat packs(you can get them quite cheaply from Home Bargins/B&Ms) www.ebay.co.uk/itm/2-HEAT-RELIEF-PADS-BACK-MUSCLES-JOINTS-ACHES-AND-PAIN-/130847070910?pt=UK_Health_HealthCare_RL&hash=item1e7717dabe I use them if I'm out for a long walk in the winter, I have Raynards and find them a great relief

Mumsyblouse Sun 17-Feb-13 09:37:44

I know everyone will disagree with me, but I think it's pretty inhospitable to invite someone around to a very cold house. I know some people are hotter than others/don't want to spend much on heating but surely that's why you keep it cold when you are in it and then if a relative/friend comes, you light a fire or turn the heating up for three hours. To me, it's like inviting someone over and having no food or a very meagre dinner, it's rude. You can't expect everyone to sit in your house in a slanket just because you do in the evenings!

fluckered Sun 17-Feb-13 09:38:55

not being smart or having a dig at you but you have mentioned you are thin. do you eat enough? are you underweight?

Mumsyblouse Sun 17-Feb-13 09:40:14

And- all those saying I can't turn the heating on, what about a small heater (blow heater) costing £10 from Argos, put on for two hours of the visit (even cheaper from Lidl). We are not talking putting the entire central heating on.

Jamillalliamilli Sun 17-Feb-13 09:40:45

'Mumsyblouse', if you've invited them, yes, but if they've brought themselves over, then they should accept your situation, not demand you are able to keep them in what they're used to.

fluckered Sun 17-Feb-13 09:40:59

but at the same time heating is expensive. tbf i'd turn on a mobile heater if i knowingly had a friend like the OP but i wouldnt be heating my whole house for an hour ot two visit. if visitors "cost" me that much i would be meeting elsewhere with them.

Theicingontop Sun 17-Feb-13 09:42:07

My friend's a bit like you, comes round and sticks the heating on herself. Tells me to stop being a stingy cah. I chuck a blanket at her and tell her to do one. If you're not at that level of comfort and familiarity with your friend I suggest you wear layers next time, as it's really weird sitting there in your winter coat.

Honestly, I doubt you don't have enough insulation on your body, unless you're dangerously underweight. It's probably more of a habit, you being warm 100% of the time (how much is your heating bill?!).

I would add a scarf and wristwarmers to that, at the least.

Also, check that your jumpers are natural fibres (wool, cashmere, silk) and not acrylic.

Wear knee high socks under your trousers.

I would be uncomfortably hot at 22 degrees, and can't actually get my house that warm anyway. I think 18 degrees is about right, especially when it's so cold outside.

CunfuddledAlways Sun 17-Feb-13 09:42:56

our house is always chilly as we can only afford heating for an hour a day, what most of our friends do is take off a layer that was under their coat then put it back on after about half hour so that they feel the benefit, many of my friends are in a similar position though and at least one doesnt heat his house at all. 21/22 is summer!! our thermostat is set at 15 so even when the heating is put on 15 is as high as it goes

GoldenGreen Sun 17-Feb-13 09:43:25

Life is too short too suffer in silence. Just explain and say you are happy to wear your coat if they'd rather not put their heating on. I would never take offence if someone asked - it would be very petty.

skrumle Sun 17-Feb-13 09:45:42

i've developed raynauds and my reflexologist suggested gingko biloba as it helps with circulation - might be worth a try? i don't think i've been as bad the past few weeks since i started it but it hasn't been quite as cold so difficult to tell!

BeeBawBabbity Sun 17-Feb-13 09:46:08

I suffer with feeling cold too, and I sympathise. But I do think it would be rude to ask for the heating to be turned up. Not rude to keep your coat on though. Why would anyone take offence at that if you're cold? If they do then they're being unreasonable.

HecateWhoopass Sun 17-Feb-13 09:46:43

If I had a friend who I knew felt the cold a lot, to the point that they were really suffering - I would happily put up the heating in my home for half an hour!
Hell, even if they were just a bit chilly, I would! It's not like I would be being asked to crank it up to 30 for a fortnight! It's a couple of degrees for half an hour, once in a while.

Sometimes someone has come to the house and kept their coat on and the first thing I've done is ask if they are cold, and if so - I've put the heating up a bit.

If I really, honestly, truly couldn't afford that - I'd certainly have no problem with them keeping a coat on. someone can't help being cold, for crying out loud. It's not like they're sat there being passive aggressively chilly at you! grin

Does your friend know just how badly you feel the cold?

thermal long johns under jeans - jeans are freezing. And don't sit around so much! smile

Bunbaker Sun 17-Feb-13 09:48:53

"I don't think the people saying "wear an extra jumper" get it, tbh."

I agree. I feel the cold easily and don't care if it looks rude to keep my coat on in cold houses. When I am cold I am utterly miserable and very poor company. I would rather keep my coat on, stay warm and be nice to be with.

I try to avoid visiting my sister in winter because she lives in a cold house.

MIL has very poor circulation and simply cannot get warm in SIL's house. She can't help it. She just sits there with several blankets tucked around her.

whatsleep Sun 17-Feb-13 09:49:37

I wonder if any your friends have a thread, I imagine it might be titled 'would it be rude to strip down to my undies when I visit my friends house, or ask her to turn the heating down' . I do feel for you though, it's miserable being cold, but like others have said you maybe should revisit the doctors, there may be more tests they can do......brew

lljkk Sun 17-Feb-13 09:51:14

You need a hat, extra pair of socks and fingerless gloves, OP.

I am cold-blooded, too.
I would never ask to have heat turned up, I would put my coat back on if needed. I had no idea that was considered rude, lol (my excuse = I come from another culture).
I have friends with a house so cold I always keep my coat on. They think it's balmy if temps get to a dizzy height of 12 degrees. Visits often cut short because I start shivering. It's only 15-19 in my house, it's not like I'm used to high temps. I wear same at home minus the coat.

If guest in my house keeps their coat on I crank the heat up! This happens regularly when relatives visit. It's good manners to take note of guest needs, no? But being a gracious guest means you never point out your hosts deficiencies, alas.

lljkk Sun 17-Feb-13 09:51:37

Do you take hot drinks, OP? Often that is only way I can visit my friends for any length of time.

ParsingFancy Sun 17-Feb-13 09:54:57

Can you not be breezily apologetic, and make clear it's your problem, not their failing?

"Please excuse me not taking my coat off, I'm always unnaturally cold and need ridiculous numbers of layers in the winter." And move straight on.

sad at the number of people with little or no heating on.

Ooopsadaisy Sun 17-Feb-13 09:56:51

Hi. I don't do much on MN these days except lurk for ideas/opinions.

Am lurking here because I have the opposite problem. I am a "hot" person (in a non-sexual way).

When I visit I often find myself wanting to sit there in my knickers. I long to throw open a window and breathe deeply. I often struggle not to fall asleep in other people's houses because I find them airless and warm. Very embarrassing.

What's the accepted social protocol for that problem?

When people come to mine I often sense that they find it chilly, so I keep the drinks coming or put on an electric heater that I keep for that purpose.

I am also a small, slim person but am very sporty and always rushing about so I guess that's why I don't get cold.

My Mum comes here and makes un-subtle sideways comments about the temperature. It really hacks me off to be honest.

Wear base layers.

ZenNudist Sun 17-Feb-13 09:57:30

Very rude to do either option you suggest. It sounds like you are freakishly cold, not that your friends are tight with their heating. I have my house at 21 degrees but don't mind it cooler at anyone elses house (luckily). Never feel cold at anyone's house other than my dsis and one friend who has a wood burner in her lounge but unheated kitchen or bathroom.

If you're so bothered buy yourself a shawl or wrap, or nice thick cardi one of those mid length or long ones that are like a coat then you won't look odd. Take it in a bag and put it on, you can keep it with your indoor slipper boots so you will be warm everywhere you go.

It's much more acceptable to ask for a hot drink if your host doesn't offer. Yy to internal heating!

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