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EVIL MILs - WHY DID YOU MARRY SOMEONE WHEN YOU DON'T LIKE THEIR MUM??

(207 Posts)
Hullygully Thu 07-Feb-13 15:36:39

Why??

What did you think would happen?

SneakyNuts Thu 07-Feb-13 15:54:51

Well mine was absolutely fine...until I fell pregnant if that helps.

She is a nice lady, just infuriates me sometimes smile

Xiaoxiong Thu 07-Feb-13 15:55:46

My FIL was a doll until DS arrived. Then he flipped out (to the extent that we thought he'd had a stroke or something else to cause such an extreme personality change).

Also what woozle said - DH married me in spite of being fully aware of my mother having worked for her for a while, so thank goodness he doesn't subscribe to this concept.

SneakyNuts Thu 07-Feb-13 15:55:56

FIL on the other hand...angry

Trills Thu 07-Feb-13 15:57:04

YABU because you have not asked an AIBU question, of course.

Not getting on with your ILs only works if your partner agrees with you on how they are annoying.

If your partner thinks that their family are perfectly normal and lovely, while you think they are bonkers as conkers, then this is a serious problem.

Mine was loveliness personified until she cut in on our first dance at the wedding. It's been downhill since then really.

limitedperiodonly Thu 07-Feb-13 16:01:18

I don't mind my MIL. She does make it hard though.

I wouldn't blame my SIL and her small daughter for hating MIL though. She says really spiteful things to me about them.

My SIL is the soul of discretion and tells me nothing. Unfortunately.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 07-Feb-13 16:01:49

Hmm.

I do agree that if I absolutely could not get on with my MIL, and my DP/DH couldn't see any problem, I would think it ill-advised to marry them.

BUT

I think that some MILs only show their true colours at certain critical points, having children being the main one.

I think it isn't so much the MIL being the problem, as the DP/DHs attitiude towards them being a problem

I think FILs get off lightly on this

Finally I think I am going to be a tremendous MIL now I've read and digested all MN has to say on the matter

Jins Thu 07-Feb-13 16:02:54

DH dislikes his mother even more than I do.

GetOrf Thu 07-Feb-13 16:04:16

Sometimes though some MILs are utterly awful. It's not just the DILs being cowbags.

My XP - his mother is wonderful and I love her dearly, still call her my MIL even though I have split from XP.

XXP (christ my series of men) - his mother was a mean spirited bugger. HE was horrible as well, even though it took me 6 years to realise such. But when I met him I was stupid in love so just accepted his meanness and hers. Made me unhappy though.

LadyBigtoes Thu 07-Feb-13 16:05:13

I also left someone (or refused to get back together with him when he came crawling back after a break-up) because of the choice between having to deal with his awful parents forever, especially his mum, and having them related to my kids, or being free of them.

However, although I now have a nice (if very uninvolved) MIL, my DP hates my mum. It's OK because I agree she is unpleasant and we can talk about it. But I would be a bit sad if he'd decided against me because of her. <double standards>

I agree it all depends on the attitude of the person whose mum it is. Me and DP can rant to each other about my mum. But my ex was always on his parents (and mad sister's) side and I thought I was going mad when he wouldn't accept that they treated me appallingly.

gordyslovesheep Germany Thu 07-Feb-13 16:05:15

personally because I loved me husband to be and was marrying him not her - her I put up with because he (at the time) was worth it

GetOrf Thu 07-Feb-13 16:05:16

And XXMIL was always lovely to my face. Just slagged me off to my mum, friends, daughter, all sorts behind my back. Strange, spiteful woman.

LadyFlumpalot Thu 07-Feb-13 16:06:46

Because:

A) I love my DH
B) She's a fantastic mum to him, and grandmother to DS, it's just me she dislikes.
C) DH is 27. His mother is 62. Sooner or later she won't be around.

DonderandBlitzen Thu 07-Feb-13 16:07:02

"I love you dearly and would like to spend the rest of my life with you, but I don't like your mum, so I won't. Goodbye." Not going to happen.

HumphreyCobbler Thu 07-Feb-13 16:07:23

I expect they thought he was a nice man and that they could cope with his evil mother. I expect they mostly do cope too, but come on here to moan, or moan to mates in RL.

NotAnotherPackedLunch Thu 07-Feb-13 16:07:26

I married him, not his mother.
He likes her even less than I do!
I have grown fond of her (Stockholm syndrome?) over the years, but he grows less and less fond of her each time she treats me or our children badly.

DrGarnettsWinterMixture Thu 07-Feb-13 16:07:46

Mine only went bad once we got engaged. She was a little odd before then, but not openly rude and unpleasant. So we were very excited about driving up and announcing our engagement. It went like this (on the drive, because we couldn't even wait to get into the house)

DH 'Mum, we've got some wonderful news, DrGarnett and I are getting married!'
Me (smiling, moving forward for the usual kiss on the cheek and to flash my sparkly ring)
MIL 'Oh' (stepping backwards away from me, refusing to look at my left hand)
'I thought you were going to say she was pregnant'

DH just tells her any news over the phone now. I barely see her. I felt absolutely crushed, and it's all gone downhill from there sad

TattyDevine Thu 07-Feb-13 16:07:48

My mother in law was fine until about a week before the wedding. Then she paniced about her son being taken away from her and never seeing him again. In this panic, she did far more damage making it far more likely that he'd run 10 million miles than if she'd stayed quiet and hung in there!

She peaked in evil about 6 months after the wedding, and its tailed off over the past 12 years, a turning point was when our marriage was officially a longer duration than the one of her eldest divorcved daughter.

She still has nothing much to say to me, but that's okay, she doesn't live nearby and I just maintain my cheerful friendly bantery indifference as I have always done.

Husband finds her a pain in the arse and has little to say to her anyway, and he never really did, which is partly where her panic set in I suspect.

Shame, really, as I don't have family nearby and we could have been a nice supplement to each other if it had been mutually agreeable.

GetOrf Thu 07-Feb-13 16:09:18

lol at Stockholm Syndrome

Miggsie Thu 07-Feb-13 16:09:45

Well in my mum's case I think it was because she wasn't qualified to recognise Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

My dad didn't have it and is a decent bloke - you can't ostracise someone for having a lunatic parent.

The biggest issue surely is - if you notice your partner has a dysfunctional family - can you live with the ensuing trauma of the family acting up all the time?

Or my MIL whose 2 sons both married drug addicts? She was a lovely MIL but she had 2 quite dreadful DIL (not me!!!)

JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 07-Feb-13 16:11:52

Everyone has a dysfunctional family though, don't they? To a greater or lesser degree. We are all optimistic/arrogant enough to think we won't be like our/their parents and be a ll super emotionally healthy and communicative, and we just mess up in different ways.

crypes Thu 07-Feb-13 16:13:05

My DM and Df were a right nasty pair of shitbags towards my DH. Im glad he saw past their madness and married me, and we are still happily married Why would your parents have anything to do with who you marry?

Narked Thu 07-Feb-13 16:15:24

Mine isn't evil. She can be difficult.

I'd imagine that you don't get the full on awful behaviour until you're already very involved with their (adult) child.

redskyatnight Thu 07-Feb-13 16:18:38

On the flip side ... my mother is a nightmare. No one would have married me me if they'd have to also get on with my mum.

EauRouge Thu 07-Feb-13 16:20:48

The very first time I met MiL (before DH and I were married) she asked us if we were fornicating. My mother put every effort into teaching me how to behave appropriately in all kinds of social situations, but I was shit out of ideas for responding to this one.

But actually she's turned out to be a lovely MiL. Too bad she lives 4000 miles away.

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