to not want my husband to be "friends" with a woman at work who

(190 Posts)
mum382013 Sat 26-Jan-13 15:30:39

he propostioned for a relantionship/ sex previously (last year)?
he says he just wants to be friends and that i'm being unreasonable. i took him back on the understanding that he had nothing but professional contact. I think he has lost all rights to be friends with her, even if she did turn him down. he did admit if she had said yes then he would have left me for her so i'm very sensitive to her. AIBU?
i feel he has hurt me badly and i'm having trouble believing this is just about friends and i'm worried he has feelings for her as he seems more interested in being friends than being married to me.

mum382013 Sat 26-Jan-13 15:42:23

i'm trying to forgive him but not to the extent of him being friends with her

HecateWhoopass Sat 26-Jan-13 15:42:51

You've ruined his friendship with her?

Sounds to me that he was being his most honest when he said he'd have gone if she'd wanted him.
Since she didn't, he thought he may as well stay with you and enjoy a cook, cleaner etc.

Buddhastic Sat 26-Jan-13 15:43:47

Totally unacceptable...what a shithead. Yanbu

mum382013 Sat 26-Jan-13 15:43:57

so goldplated if i forgive him then he can be friends with her?

HecateWhoopass Sat 26-Jan-13 15:44:15

You can't control that.
You can say it, but short of being with him 24-7 you can't stop him doing whatever the hell he wants to.
And it sounds like he'd like another crack at her.

mum382013 Sat 26-Jan-13 15:44:49

i'm worried that i cant trust him again

mum382013 Sat 26-Jan-13 15:45:14

he didnt sleep with her so he doesnt see it as cheating

Bluemonkeyspots Sat 26-Jan-13 15:45:50

Why do you not feel you are worth more than this? sad

You should never be anyone's second best, and what's worse is your dc are also second best to her as he was willing to chose her over them.

mum382013 Sat 26-Jan-13 15:46:09

Am i stupid to take him back again?

manicbmc Sat 26-Jan-13 15:46:13

You can't trust him. If he had any remorse he wouldn't be friends with her and this wouldn't be an issue.

Kick him out.

kissmelittleass Sat 26-Jan-13 15:46:51

so what if you have been together for many years and have kids..does that mean you have to put up with that shit, why are you being so loyal..wheres his loyalty???he's a tosser he told you he would of left you for her and he certainly wasn't thinking about you or the kids then was he!!! Sorry to say this but open your eyes its only time until someone else takes his fancy and if he can get his leg over you won't see him for dust, don't let that tosser have the control get rid of him now! Plenty of lovely men out there who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated with RESPECT.

He would have though so its the same difference.

Why have you forgiven him? You sound really hurt and he sounds like an ignorant pig. I f he was truely sorry he would move heaven and earth to make this up to you.

LittleChimneyDroppings Sat 26-Jan-13 15:48:24

Tbh I'd either be asking him to move out, or show his commitment to you by looking for another job and never having contact with her again. Personally the first option sounds like a better one. You're worth more than being some twats second best.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sat 26-Jan-13 15:48:58

In a word yes. He told you you were second best.

mum382013 Sat 26-Jan-13 15:49:39

he said he was truly sorry and that he would move heaven and earth to make it up to me but he hasn't really. sad

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 26-Jan-13 15:50:51

Why are you staying with a man that want's to humiliate you like this?
I've actually been in a similar situation, please put your foot down.
What's the worse that can happen? I did that,and now have a happy and content single life.
Best thing I ever did.

mum382013 Sat 26-Jan-13 15:51:16

i dont feel he loves me anymore but just doesnt want to move out

manicbmc Sat 26-Jan-13 15:51:16

Is he at home now?

Pack him a bag and leave it on the step if he isn't and then keep the bolt on.

EllenParsons Sat 26-Jan-13 15:51:16

I don't understand how you can stay with him. He is an utter arse, selfish and does not respect yousad no wonder you feel second best after what he has done and said. If he was sorry he would not try to be friends with her and bring it up. He is doing it to put you in your place.

kissmelittleass Sat 26-Jan-13 15:53:39

of course he doesn't want to move out he has you to cook,clean etc for him

Why did you take him back? You are worth so much more than to be this twats stopgap until he gets another offer. You won't trust him again, you will spend months or years (however long it takes before you crack and kick him out) wondering where he is and what he is doing every time you aren't with him. Life is too short to be so unhappy.

Kaekae Sat 26-Jan-13 15:56:22

Get rid of him!! I would not have taken him back and now he is just slapping you in the face for wanting to be friends with someone he hoped to leave you for! Never be someone's second best.

shebangsthedrum Sat 26-Jan-13 15:56:55

He is a mind fucking word twisting twat ltb best thing I ever did

mum382013 Sat 26-Jan-13 15:57:05

stupid really and really boring reasons, i love him and i want our kids to have him at home

ihearsounds Sat 26-Jan-13 15:57:25

You ruined his friendship with her?
If you hadn't taken him back, you would have ruined your marriage..

Not him, no, he would have put all the blame on anyone rather than accept what he has done is very, very wrong.

If he had an ounce of decency and respect for you, he would know that any friendship with her would be a big no. The fact that he wants to maintain contact with her as friends shows exactly what he thinks.. Personally I would tell him to fuck off and live elsewhere. But then I wouldn't have taken him back in the first place. I will never, ever accept being second best. This is the only reason he is with you because she refused him. The only reason he realised it was you that he wanted is because he would be on his own, and then who would take care of him.

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