to ask you what you consider 'essentials'

(91 Posts)
limon Sun 20-Jan-13 10:42:08

As long as you aren't really struggling financially, do you consider toileteries and hair cuts and clothes you don't actually need as 'essentials' that should come out of the family 'pot'.

Andro Mon 21-Jan-13 11:35:50

Interesting one...

What DH and I consider 'essential' and what comes out of the 'family pot' are two different things. The 'family pot' covers household bills, food, basic toiletries and medicines. We also have a 'house account' which covers car repairs (work cars), household items (white goods/furnishings/etc) and savings for when we replace our work cars.

Everything else is paid for by the person buying it, the children's things are bought by whoever is there at the time.

I think the thing that is essential is fairness. Where one person is earning vastly more than the other, that person is going to pay more in absolute terms. What needs to be avoided is anyone being taken advantage of/feeling as though they are being taken advantage of, hence communication is such a vital part of a good relationship.

valiumredhead Mon 21-Jan-13 10:55:29

IMO a haircut is a pretty basic essential - nothing fancy and no colour.

We just have everything in one pot, I can't begin to work out how people do otherwise.

jessjessjess Mon 21-Jan-13 09:32:07

I think he is just bad with money by the sounds of it.

expatinscotland Mon 21-Jan-13 09:19:54

Vaseline on your face instead of moisturiser?

We're pretty skint, but you can buy real moisturiser really cheaply.

hmm

I tried cutting my own hair - it doesn't work. My hair is greying, coarse and straggly. A hairdresser mate cuts it at home for a tenner. Well worth it, IMO.

ooer Mon 21-Jan-13 09:16:02

Oh dear ... all our money is the family "pot" and everything comes out of it ... including my non-essential clothes, cosmetics, terrible magazine habit and sweeties. DH brings in more money than I do but we cream a lot off to savings accounts and I certainly don't spend more than I earn.

Mind is boggling at Vaseline being used as face cream...wouldn't your hair just stick to your face?? Much better to just buy a cheap or special offer proper face cream.

expatinscotland Mon 21-Jan-13 09:06:37

Hair cuts essential, IMO, if you are working and have ratty hair like mine.

We don't have a 'family pot', everything just goes into one pot.

Toiletries - we use basic brand of everything.

Hair cuts no. Haven't had a haircut in 6 years, just trim it myself. OH shaves his own head and beard.

Toiletries are essential though - not the fancy schmancy face creams however!

zoflora Mon 21-Jan-13 09:04:14

we buy basic shower gel, toothpaste, mouthwash, shampoo etc. from the grocery budget.
Clothes and any other toileteries come out of our personal spends as do kid's haircuts. He takes eldest to barber with him - I take younger to hairdresser.
You will never get any agreement on what is essential. Depends on people's jobs, lifestyle and the value they place on appearance.

Xmaspuddingsaga Mon 21-Jan-13 08:59:14

There is a world between Vaseline and £30 a pop moisturizing. I buy whatever is on offer in the sm ditto shower gel, shampoo, deorderant and razors. It adds roughly £3 to the weekly shopping.

Similarly bog standard underwear and plain t-shirts , basic work clothes and uniform for the dcs.

Anything over and above this we pay for ourselves.

StuntGirl Sun 20-Jan-13 20:47:26

I can't think of many workplaces that would be ok with staff working with a sticky sheen of vaseline over their face...I'll stick to proper moisturiser thanks.

BooCanary Sun 20-Jan-13 20:30:58

DH and I have a joint a/c for general household spend. This includes:
Food incl bog standard toiletries (ie.g. shower gel, shampoo)
Bills incl Mortgage
Petrol, car tax/repairs
DIY/tradesmen
Xmas Presents (not each others)
Items for DCs (clothes, shoes, hobbies, school trips etc)

We keep an equal amount of personal spends (despite DH working FT and me working PT), which includes:
Clothes, shoes and specific toiletries
Holidays
Haircuts (for me, DH has v little hair grin )
Hobbies
Anything else we fancy!

Adversecamber Sun 20-Jan-13 20:29:01

I have never understood people needing huge amounts of clothes. Doesn't a bloke just need a couple of pairs of jeans and trousers , one decent suit, and a few work and casual shirts and a couple of jumpers and sweatshirts, some t.shirts and shorts.

Highlights are not essential, depending on what you hair cut is makes a huge difference to how often it needs cutting.

He sounds a bit self indulgent to me

FredFredGeorge Sun 20-Jan-13 20:12:18

StuntGirl That's what most moisturisers do too, I've never found one that doesn't include a product that does that aswell as other things. And yes, while it doesn't penetrate the skin, it does a very good job of moisturising by preventing loss.

StuntGirl Sun 20-Jan-13 17:56:57

fred Vaseline and the like aren't a moisturiser hmm They just act as a barrier to stop moisture escaping.

Soap, shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, deodorant, occasional hair cuts are essentials. Basic clothes are essentials.

Extras like hair dyes, styling products, perfumes, additional clothes/shoes are all luxuries.

HomeEcoGnomist Sun 20-Jan-13 17:41:06

But I tell you what's NOT fair - him spending money on himself and you spending money on the family.

^^this

I bet he bloody doesn't want to contribute to the pot if it means he spends less on himself! I earn more than DH, we decided a long time ago that we would both put into the family pot in proportion to our net take home pay. We then use whatever we have left to pay for what we individually want. So if your DH earns 40% of your joint net income, his contribution to joint/family costs is 40%. easy

I would class haircuts as essential, but going to the priciest salon as a luxury

Well if Im not struggling financially then i dont need to consider if anything is essential. I suppose nice but not essential items would probably be things like decent shampoo,nice juice, decent food instead of whats reduced. Probably make up too. Actually make up even if i am broke i would rather not eat than go without. Decent moisturizer too. My hair highlighted. So nice but not essential.

If i am struggling though

Hair cuts are not essential. God no never. Ive done it myself plenty of times when i was too poor to afford to have it cut. So just toothpaste, shower gel/soap and some kind of shampoo. Moisturizer and eczema cream too i guess at least for me as its a health reason. Basic but healthy is food. The electric bill and the water bill.

mrsjay Sun 20-Jan-13 17:36:32

extra clothes or not an essential buying an outfit because you like it is a want not a need so isn't an essential imo,

TalkinPeace2 Sun 20-Jan-13 17:30:21

I have my hair cut professionally about every five years.
It is up and smart for work. Most people do not know how long it is.

Ladies haircuts are a LUXURY
ALL hair colouring and perming is a LUXURY
all clothes over and above 2 sets school, 1 set warm, 1 set smart, 1 set cool are a LUXURY
Shoes above wellies / school / trainers are a LUXURY
restaurant meals / takeaways / eating out = LUXURY
pay tv = LUXURY

people in this country utterly forget how little one needs to survive.
Learn to be happy in your skin (as my BiL so rightly nagged me today)

HecateWhoopass Sun 20-Jan-13 17:21:59

What about putting all income from both of you into the family pot and setting aside the same amount each for your personal stuff?

So if he has a thousand - you do too. If he wants to spend his on some hobby and you want to spend yours on clothes and shoes and hair then fair enough.

But I tell you what's NOT fair - him spending money on himself and you spending money on the family.

That's called Taking The Piss.

MrsKeithRichards Sun 20-Jan-13 17:18:02

You missed out the my in that quote.

My hair is styled, I like to keep it that way. It's also long. Long hair =\= never needing cut!

limon Sun 20-Jan-13 17:06:15

"bare minimum in hair maintenance would be a trim every 12 weeks. That's essential basic grooming to stop you looking like a tramp with unkempt, scraggly hair"

Wow, really? Perhaps you have particularly unkempt, sgraggly hair. I have mine cut about once every six months ish - I often leave it longer.

ENormaSnob Sun 20-Jan-13 16:36:12

I think he's taking the piss.

LaQueen Sun 20-Jan-13 16:29:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsKeithRichards Sun 20-Jan-13 16:18:42

Who said anything about a cut and blow dry monthly? I said at the start that my bare minimum in hair maintenance would be a trim every 12 weeks. That's essential basic grooming to stop you looking like a tramp with unkempt, scraggly hair. Bit like trimming your nails. And seeing as hairdressing is quite a skill, best leave it to the pros, home haircuts are shit. You don't need to book into tony and guy for 3 hours every month, just go see someone with a decent pair of scissors and some training.

Your hair will thank you, I promise!

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