to not want to tell people the sex of my baby?

(208 Posts)
CheerfulYank Wed 16-Jan-13 22:46:13

I'm due in May. DH and I know the sex but would like to keep it to ourselves. (I want to have the big "it's a boy/it's a girl" moment in the hospital. blush)

My mother keeps asking me about it, sending me emails of things that are stereotypical "boy" or "girl" things and asking if she should buy them.

She has a friend who does exquisite linens for nurseries and has offered to make some for me. My mom said on the phone "I haven't even messaged her about anything recently because she'll want to know about the bedding and I don't know what color to tell her!" I said "can't you tell her in May? The baby will sleep in with us for awhile anyway so I'm not concerned about the nursery." Apparently not, though. hmm

My brother, whom I have a difficult relationship with anyway, hates secrets or surprises of any kind. He sent me a few Facebook message saying "I don't get it" and "is this some "thing" people do now?" This is his way...he tries to make me feel stupid until I agree with him or do what he wants.

Even my best friends are talking about how they'll "get it out of me" and the general consensus seems to be that I'm being selfish. sad

AIBU not to tell? I just want to keep it between us and the few random mumsnetters I've told for awhile. Plus our pfb has been an only for almost six years and we are trying to include him as much as possible, so we were thinking he could make the announcement.

greenbananas Sat 19-Jan-13 16:59:19

Cheerfulyank I haven't waded through this whole thread, just coming on to say I think YANBU.

My friend who has a baby due today has known for 20 weeks what the sex is but hasn't told anyone except her husband and her 4 year old son. To be honest, it never even occured to me that she might be being unreasonable, and I have respected her feelings by being careful not to ask (even though I can't wait to find out). I know she is not being snotty with me or with anyone else by keeping this a secret. She has had difficult pregnancies in the past, and just wants to keep the sex to herself until she actually meets the baby.

My friend comes from a culture where everone thinks it is their right to know everybody else's business. She is also a very honest woman, and can't lie when people ask her if she knows what the sex is, so she admits that she knows but then says she would rather not tell anybody just yet. I know she has had a rotten time with some of her other friends pushing her for information sad and that this has upset her. I'm so sorry you are having negative comments from some people on this thread.

Congratualtions on your pregnancy smile

SpecialAgentKat Sun 20-Jan-13 00:57:08

Again, totally agree iyatoda.

Thumbwitch Sun 20-Jan-13 02:53:13

iyatoda - I think you are wrong that CY is enjoying the pestering. I also think that she has explained why she wants this baby to be somehow "special" because her mother has already indicated that she feels the baby to be "unnecessary" somehow. It's not like she's attention seeking from everyone, she just has been caught out by her mother.
She hasn't told the world she knows the sex of her unborn baby but isn't going to tell anyone (well apart from the MN world, that is! grin) - there's no "ner ner ne-ner ner" aspect to it, she tried to pretend to her mother that they didn't find out but her mother caught her out.

As for putting her mother out of her misery, fuck that. If, as CY has said, it would involve CY being under pressure for the next half of her pg and having the misery visited on her instead, then her mother can suffer.

janey68 Sun 20-Jan-13 08:52:35

If CYs mother is really that bad, I think at this point I would tell her the wrong gender, let her get her ridiculous ranting out of the way, because clearly shes going to have a whinge which whatever CY says she's having, and then either leave it at that until the baby's born, or announce that, gosh, you're obviiously not happy with the idea of a boy/ girl... Good job I'm having a .... (insert opposite sex)

And i categorically would not be asking her to help out with childcare as CY said she did last time. Don't mention the subject, then if she asks, say you've sorted your own arrangements. I honestly think if a parent is that awful, for your own sanity you need to keep some distance. If you call on them for favours it will just be used as a stick to beat you with.

I get the feeling this isn't so much a thread about wanting to keep the gender secret so much as a thread about CYs problems with her mother. That seems to be where the difficulties arise, not from random friends who as we've all agreed really won't care whether she has a girl or boy

CheerfulYank Mon 21-Jan-13 00:02:32

Definitely not enjoying it, it's making me feel awful tbh. I really didn't think it was a big deal, but apparently it's going to be. Off to have a think about it.

Thanks for all the replies. smile

DizzyZebra Mon 21-Jan-13 06:05:30

Oh god, the woman in that article is from st helens too. I don't live far from there in a nicer place though

Diddydollydo Mon 21-Jan-13 07:10:28

I don't see why its odd not to tell. Doesn't matter if you know or not it's up to you if you tell people. We seem to live in a time where it is seen as weird to keep anything to yourself, every little thing needs to be shared, broadcast etc. If you want to have that information to yourselves then keep it its really not up to anyone else. I've seen the OP post on here a few times before and have always thought how nice she seems, I think she's had an unnecessarily hard time on this thread. Very unkind.

janey68 Mon 21-Jan-13 07:33:24

In fairness I think where she has been given a bit of a hard time, it's only because people agree with you- that there is a tendency to live far too much of ones personal life in the public domain, and that most people who dont want to broadcast their baby's sex before birth either choose to have the surprise at the birth, or work jolly hard with their partner to avoid letting the cat out of the bag. I would imagine it must be quite tricky to not inadvertently slip up with he or she in conversations, so presumably couples discuss this sort of thing. (we never found out the sex of ours partly because I wouldn't want the stress of trying not to let slip!)

There have only been a handful of harsh comments and in fact many more saying what a nice person CY is. It's just a bit of an impasse she's got herself into

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