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To report DH for drink driving?(186 Posts)
Every week or so, DH goes out with his mates. He drives there. He gets drunk. He drives home.
It sickens me. I have tried talking to him about it but he's just not interested.
He's out tonight, I know where he is, I know he will be drinking. I am at my wits' end.
Should I report him? Would the police be interested? I don't know when he will be driving home so I can't give them an exact time.
Or AIBU? I have tried talking to him about it and that hasn't worked - I feel if I don't report him, I am enabling his criminal and potential deadly behaviour.
Thank you for reading.
I do think that we should have more random breath tests. And the sad thing is - just because you are under the legal limit does not make you safe to drive. Only legal.
You did the right thing - as I said upthread, his friends should also have said something if they knew he was going to drive drunk. But that's another hard position to be in.
"I don't know whether to be supportive of this as at least he is doing something....."
Being supportive of his ridiculous idea to use a breathalyser and then more than probably drive just means you are agreeable to him having alcoholic drinks and then getting into a car and driving.
"At least I have a bit of time to think about things now though as there's not going to be another potential drink drive for two weeks..."
What do your .... mean? And don't you think you need to have the conversation now rather than ten minutes before he is due to go out again?
You are right, you are not responsible for him but with what you have said if you didn't call again and he did hurt or kill someone when driving while under the influence you would feel bad as you seem like a decent person.
I wouldn't want my DP to be regularly coming home drunk, whatever form of transport he used. It's just not the sort of behaviour I could live with.
kim I would support lowering the limit and I agree that legal doesn't mean safe far from it. The current limit supports the notion you can 'have a few drinks and you'll be okay' which I think is pretty dangerous and a lower limit would support the idea that driving and alcohol don't mix at all.
I don't like the idea that the Police being able to carry out random stops, it is not a power the Police have used fairly or proportionately in the past.
Compo and Kim speaking just from a personal perspective, I think the fact that there is a legal limit is misleading. I would never have anything to drink if I am going to drive. I wouldn't have anything to drink if I needed to work, look after DC etc as I know it slows me down, albeit just a little. The idea of driving and not having my reactions as sharp as possible is frightening to me.
I am frustrated because DH uses the legal limit argument to justify drinking before driving, like it's a moral get out clause.
Huge argument this morning about it all ... No idea what's going to happen but I am being as strident as I can be. He's basically running out of arguments justifying himself so I hope it won't be long before he actually bloody gets it.
There was a crazy moment yesterday when he was having a go at people who were driving in the snow - irresponsible, likely to cause accidents etc - I pointed out the irony and he went very quiet. Not sure if he was avoiding the issue or actually taking it in.
I have told him if he loses his license, I will pay for DC and household bills (so DC and I don't suffer) but that's it.
It's very odd that this man who is usually very responsible and considerate can be such a brainless wanker about this one issue. Surely a sign of having some form of addiction problem? Or am I reading too much into it?
No, I don't think you're reading too much into it sadly.
No, you are not reading too much into it
Someone so invested in finding a way to drink at all costs has a serious problem
He may not be an alkie living in a cardboard box, but the same thought processes are at play here
No you aren't but he has to work it out for himself.
What you've done so far has kicked off some reflection and you're doing a good job by continuing to challenge him when the subject comes up.
You could go further and express the view that he shouldn't be getting behind the wheel if he's allowed any to pass his lips and put lots of pressure on him to do it your way but you would run the risk of putting him on the defensive. If he then digs his heels in the progress will go out of the window.
Keep doing what you're doing OP.
I don't think you are reading to much into it. Sadly it does sound as if he does have a problem, and no amount of bargaining, threats or tears will help him see- he will always find a way to justify it.
I speak as a daughter with an alcoholic dad. Best of luck op.
Personally I would ask for this thread to be deleted and create a new, discreet one to add updates to.
I think the details in this thread are of fairly out-able material and the fact that your DH doesn't know it was you who reported him could come back to haunt you (& probably in the not-so-foreseeable future).
I would take the car keys and hide them before he's planning to go out drinking personally, and give him a taxi number.
If he does drive, definitely report him, he could kill himself or someone else.
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