"Leave the prawns for the adults"

(166 Posts)
MrsMushroom Fri 11-Jan-13 11:43:06

My SIL has just said this to my two DDs ged 8 and 4 as they were getting served takeaway and DD1 asked for a prawn.

Aibu to think "WTF?" about that?

SIL knows the DDs...they both eat seafood, spicy stuff...and if she wasn't sure if they'd like the prawns, then wouldn't it be normal to ask me? Or to offer a piece of one to try?

She has no DC. but not sure if that's any excuse.

She'd served them with bowls of plain rice....I was waiting for her to finish serving herself and thought she'd be doing a selection of bits for the DDs but I was wrong...she stood aside so I could help myself and I then gave the DDs a prawn each....and a bit of everythng else...despite SIL's instructions to "leave the prawns for the adults"

The other adults who were sharing the meal were just finishing some work in the shed and had told us to go ahead...there was plenty for everyone...

Odd? Greedy? What? I can't stop thinking about it!

StuntGirl Fri 11-Jan-13 11:56:50

I think she taught her girls that children are no less important than adults grin

MrsMushroom Fri 11-Jan-13 11:57:11

wheely exactly! What kind of message is that for kids?

gotthemoononastick Fri 11-Jan-13 11:58:23

o.k,lesson learned then.

MumVsKids Fri 11-Jan-13 11:58:51

I'm allergic to prawns, so they're more than welcome to my share!!!! smile

TinyDancingHoofer Fri 11-Jan-13 11:58:56

I'd have given them two prawns each. Why shouldn't they be allowed a prawn. So she just gave them a bowl of rice and sauce?

TheProvincialLady Fri 11-Jan-13 11:59:26

Your daughters need to see you standing up for them. Your SIL needs to be told that she is not in charge of what your children eat (unless her own food at her own house - and if she's going to be stingy and ridiculous you just don't go there), and that it is NOT ok for her to take ANY food from your children, whether or not it is done in a 'jokey way. The onus is on you to stand up for your children. Tell her it is not on. Stop being a doormat.

SarahStratton Fri 11-Jan-13 11:59:35

Maybe she didn't think they would really eat it. Or perhaps she thought they'd feed them to the dog?

DuchessFanny Fri 11-Jan-13 11:59:51

MY step mother used to do this " let the grown ups go first, you can have what's left " except i was a married adult the last time she said that !

Fenton Fri 11-Jan-13 11:59:52

Having paid for it I would have said 'Oh, they eat everything and anything - trust me they won't waste it'

Which is possibly what her reasoning was?

NothingIsAsBadAsItSeems Fri 11-Jan-13 11:59:56

again what did you teach your girls?

That trying a variety of food is a good thing

Not to be scared to help themselves

Not to develop weird 'I can't eat that because... It's for grown ups ect' attitudes

Spuddybean Fri 11-Jan-13 12:00:16

i grew up with a lot of attitudes that children had different, always cheaper, food than adults. not with my parents tho, just all around us. we would go to bbq's and there would be chicken, steak and salmon for grown ups and cheap bangers and burgers for 'the kids'. i never liked them, so would always ask for one of the 'adult' designated foods and would get a 'don't be ridiculous' look. they would say to mum 'she doesn't really eat that does she?' and mum would say 'she eats whatever we eat'. to which there would be much huffing and muttering about waste of money etc. However, these were also the parents who would complain their children wouldn't go to restaurants and would never try anything new.

why do children deserve less? bizarre.

OwlLady Fri 11-Jan-13 12:00:44

maybe she thought their googly eyes would scare them

My bil was a bit like this when the dses were little - he's one of those middle-aged-before-his-time people, and as they have no children of their own, he never really understood the boys when they were small.

We all went to my mum's for christmas one year, as as part of their contribution to the festivities, dsis and dbil brought a big game pie from a deli local to them, for dinner on Boxing Day. He was quite shocked when the dses wanted to try some, and even more shocked when my mum offered them seconds! I got the very clear impression that he thought that it was 'just for the grownups'.

It seems really mean to give a child just one prawn, and then to eat part of it for them, unless they had definitely finished, and then it is a bit unneccessary - I am sure there were enough prawns to go round without your dsis having to finish up people's leftovers (not that the prawn was a left over at that point, if I have read you correctly, MrsMushroom). It sounds to me like a clear case of the grownups getting the best stuff, and the children having to have the not so nice bits - which is what it was like when I grew up, and which I never thought was particularly fair.

I would also be tempted to have a quiet word with your dsis about the playful nicking of the dc's food. You don't have to tackle it head on - you could say that you know it is a joke when she does it, but that you are worried that the dc will imitate her in situations where it wouldn't be seen as a joke (because they don't have as good judgement as her, of course), and you are trying to teach them appropriate behaviour for social situations, and ask her to stop so as not to confuse the message you are trying to give them.

MrsMushroom Fri 11-Jan-13 12:03:23

Sarah there are no dogs here. Provincial but it's always so jokey...."Can I have a bite?" and with a tickle or whatever...it's just so OFTEN

Songbird Fri 11-Jan-13 12:03:57

Very bizarre, but top marks for thread title of the day!

Fakebook Fri 11-Jan-13 12:04:04

Well if she eats a lot, then that's why she did it. She's just plain old greedy. Poor children.

WorraLiberty Fri 11-Jan-13 12:04:17

Why do you dare not speak to her about how she treats your kids if you're unhappy about it?

Are you scared of her?

How will her behaviour change if you don't pull her up?

Narked Fri 11-Jan-13 12:04:53

Or you could keep with the 'jokey' tone and the next time she steals food from their plates say, 'Has Aunty x stolen your dinner again? Anyone would think she doesn't get food of her own! Let's get you some more...'

MrsMushroom Fri 11-Jan-13 12:05:45

SDTG it's such a weird way to think isn't it! I don't think she'd take it very well but I might have to do it back to her if she keeps taking their food...I think I'll wait till she has something nice and then snap a bite out of it as I pass. grin

Fakebook Fri 11-Jan-13 12:06:24

You could put more food on your plate and pass bits and bobs over to your children as they eat so she can't pig out on everything before everyone.

PandaOnAPushBike Fri 11-Jan-13 12:06:58

got because I frigging paid for half of it! ANd even if I never, who is anyone to restrict my children's meals?

If you hadn't paid for it, the person who had would be quite within their rights to restrict your children's meals. He who pays the piper and all that.

That said, I was brought up with this attitude of adults getting dibs on the best food and the kids getting what is left and I hated it. So as you had paid for half I fully support you making sure you're kids got prawns too and would have done exactly the same in your position.

MrsMushroom Fri 11-Jan-13 12:07:01

worra I am a bit scared of her actually! She's quite brash but with not much sense of humour. Narked I'll try that maybe.

MrsMushroom Fri 11-Jan-13 12:08:01

Panda but what kind of host would they be? Not one I would allow my DC to eat with that's for sure. I think thats awful.

TotallyBS Fri 11-Jan-13 12:08:33

I have a relation who is a bit greedy. If we are eating Chinese or Indian we share. When we get down to the last bit of a dish she will say something 'funny' like 'dibs' and spear the last dumpling for example. Last time round I made a 'joke' about how she must have missed breakfast. It just went woosh over her head. She is ok otherwise so it doesn't bother me.

As a side note, we normally make sure the children have the best bits if it is just us.

Songbird Fri 11-Jan-13 12:08:50

Or you could keep with the 'jokey' tone and the next time she steals food from their plates say, 'Has Aunty x stolen your dinner again? Anyone would think she doesn't get food of her own! Let's get you some more...'

^this - perfect!

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