To not understand why anyone cares if other mothers choose to feed their babies breastmilk or formula.

(321 Posts)
honeytea Thu 10-Jan-13 22:21:03

I am a new mum and have only recently come across the breastfeeding/formula feeding debate.

I breastfeed my DS because it is free and he is growing well and it is easy I don't think we would leave the house if i had to think about bringing steralised bottles and milk with me

I like other people's babies but I can't say I have an opinion on how other women feed their babies, so long as the baby is fed it is really nothing to do with me.

Why do some people care so much about what a baby eats? There are so many things in the world to get angry about, starving children, children with freezing homes, abuse horrid horrid things but so many people seem to get het up about well loved children drinking formula.

Am I missing something?

Kayano Fri 11-Jan-13 21:49:35

I'm sorry, I've given up this thread and have cried a few tears of laughter in the process over the welfare bill in Sweden. I mean WTF?! on a bf thread.

I gave up BF fate three days to stop my panic attacks and save my mental health (suffer from anxiety) and I've still had shit online about not trying hard enough. I say to people ' Oh I wish I could have BF' because that's what I feel I should say...

well actually it is bull. If I have another baby I may give the colostrum and then straight to ff for me

"All available research suggests that bf is better for the health of babies and mothers. And nobody is supposed to say that because... it makes women who used formula feel guilty. That's it?"

Yep, that's totally what everyone is saying. Absolutely.

I personally feel I should be sensitive on this matter because I have been in floods of tears in the past over MN threads on vaginal vs c-section births* where I have been made to feel the lowest of the low because I had an EMCS. Knowing how that feels I could never criticise someone who chose to formula feed.

*don't you fucking dare tell me I didn't give birth.

giveitago Fri 11-Jan-13 22:19:22

"I think it's shitty women feel judged. I had a friend who couldn't bf and she felt terrible about it. I don't think another man ever contributed to that. Only other women. Really sad. As far as I can tell she got no support, just guilt trips and judgeypants "

Spot on catgirl.

DitzyDonkeySillyMonkey Fri 11-Jan-13 22:31:47

I loved bf it was difficult at times but so worth it, my ds has NEVER had an antibiotic or had to go to gp, he is 7. I attribute that to bf without a doubt. I would never say anything to anyone who didn't bf but my personal view is that why wouldn't the very first thing you do for you child be the better option?

AllYoursBabooshka Fri 11-Jan-13 22:48:33

I had no idea people even thought such vile things Commander shock. Of course you gave birth!

People can be God awful and disgusting about these things. I have been told that I should never have had DS because I knew that I wouldn't be able to BF him due to medication. I have also been called a liar about the fact that there was no alternative and selfish because I didn't do without it.

I don't feel guilty about the fact that I didn't BF but some people do aim to hurt in there quest for superiority, that's why women get defensive.

chandellina Fri 11-Jan-13 22:49:56

My son was breastfed for 18 months but went to a&e twice for fevers before 1 year and needed antibiotics at least once. He was constantly sick with every sniffle going but I don't attribute it to breastfeeding.

catgirl1976 Fri 11-Jan-13 22:58:59

Thank you YorkshireDeb and giveitago smile blush

Commander I had no idea people could be so twuntish either sad shock

I was prepped for an EMCS, although they did manage to yank DS out with forceps at the last minute

If they'd done the EMCS I would not have valued my birth experience any more or less. Of course you gave birth. Just shock at the things women do to each other to increase their own self worth. Awful sad

TheGreatGatsby Sat 12-Jan-13 01:33:33

Holy Moses, I really don't get what people are on about. I formula fed from the start, no one EVER questioned me or have made me feel inadequate in any way. I live in the most middle class yummy mummy place in the country, where the NCT rule, all babies are called Sebastian and Allegra, and there are more Bugaboo Chameleons than shoes per capita. I know lots of mums and attend lots of baby groups, many of them NCT affiliated. I have never ever been challenged on my feeding choices. If I did I would just raise an eyebrow at the person and continue about my day. Seriously, this is such an Internet-only concern. I can't imagine anyone in real life care about someone else's baby feeding choices.

popserinis Sat 12-Jan-13 01:53:30

I am one of four siblings, I was the only one that was bf and I was the one with Athena and eczema. Some things are just Sod's law. I ff my daughter who is now ten an guess what.......nothing wrong with her, she is perfectly fine. I think bf is a lovely thing to do if you can, what a wonderful bond with your child from the start but if you don't want to or can't do it, your kid will be perfectly healthy, bf v ff will not make a big difference in the grand scheme of things, what will be will be

theodorakisses Sat 12-Jan-13 08:57:56

Do people really frown at you in public for bottle feeding? I am so glad I don't live in the UK, so much for tolerance and respect for people regardless of their opinions.

nkf Sat 12-Jan-13 10:02:05

In developing countries, bf v ff is huge in the great scheme of things. The formula companies can advertise their products im almost any way they please. It is heavily pushed at women, often stressing its sophstication and ease. Its use is associated with infant deaths in countries that have unreliable water supplies and a largely uneducated population.

The debate matters and it's worth having but not at the individual level. Not I did this and my baby is a genius. Or I did the other and my baby is six foot tall. That is pointless and rather boring. But breastfeeding is a public health issue. Maybe not as big as smoking (unless you live outside the West) but still worthy of people's intention.

theodorakisses Sat 12-Jan-13 10:43:49

"largely uneducated population" Lucky MN is here to teach all the silly ignoramuses the error of their ways. Fuckinghell, how patronising? Again, celebrating not living amongst such types. Give me the silly billy uneducated stupiders every time cheers.

theodorakisses Sat 12-Jan-13 10:44:32

It's not even true. Please give examples of such sweeping statements.

theodorakisses Sat 12-Jan-13 10:58:48

Actually, don't bother. I need to hide this thread, what a lot of utter vile nonsense.

PolkadotCircus Sat 12-Jan-13 13:55:34

Nkf the op was regarding feeding choices in this country not developing countries which don't have the fantastic resources we have so no the debate/ opinion re what other women chose to feed their dc with in this country is not worth having.Particularly when you consider there are many other parenting choices that haves far bigger impact on a child's future and are waaaaaay more pressing.

carmenelectra Sat 12-Jan-13 13:57:15

Well this thread started off quite civilised. But then quickly turned into the usual predictable arguments.

OP I too cannot not underststand why people(mumsnettersi mean as I've never witnessed any of this in real life)get so het up about other peoples business. Who cares how another woman feeds her baby providing it is actually fed and looked after. I think it really is just to justify their own choices. Its the same as the folk who lose the plot when their child gets given a jam sandwich at nursery or fizzy pop and party food is given a a party. Shock horror. Just because they want to exclusively bf or ban any kind of sugar till their dc leaves school they want every fucker else to.
I feel strongly over animal rights but I doubt many people in real life know this. In fact, people are surprised to find out I'm veggie as I don't shout it from the rooftops.

I've seen so many posters on here ripped apart because they dared to say they ff. Its shocking.

I bf my youngest for the longest and he is a weakling. Eldest ds was ff and is the fittest healthiest kid in the world. Not denying bf benefits, of course. Just saying. And some posters on here need to proper chillout.

RabidCarrot Sat 12-Jan-13 14:21:39

I think it is a highly emotive subject because there is a so much guilt heaped on mothers what ever choice they make.

I have no problem with how someone feeds their baby, I FF both mine, both of whom are healthy and intelligent, I do not think I have condemned either of them to a life of obesity and flipping burgers for a living.

I know breast is best and as mammals that is what they are for, but it is not always easy.

I do get fed up with people judging others and just think they need to get a life

TillyTommyTootToot Sat 12-Jan-13 14:33:04

I don't think there is guilt heaped on the mother....I think it is coming from within the mother themselves, anyone with a jot of sense knows bf is better and therefore if you ff you are doing it with that knowledge! I bf exclusively BUT I could not give a flying fuck what any other mother does I just can be happy within myself that I gave my child the best start in life!

PolkadotCircus Sat 12-Jan-13 14:42:18

Why would mothers feel guilty,just why?

6 months of ff has had pretty much zero,impact on their lives.

Letting them waste time on gadgets so I can MN, not always being the best example, not getting 10 portions of fruit/veg daily now these I may feel guilty about when I'm not being rational but a few months of ff nah doesn't even factor on the guilt scale-why would it?

RabidCarrot Sat 12-Jan-13 16:13:41

Why would mothers feel guilty?

Well I can only speak of what I know but...
I had people making comments that my DCs were FF (and these people had no clue as to the reason why)
My sister expressed milk (and used donor milk) for the first few weeks but due to problem with her son (10 weeks early) and problems with her milk production and then him being moved to a hospital that did not offer donor milk he was put on nuterprem, she has had comments.

I know when I first became a mum (age 26 but still with no clue what I was doing grin) I was made to feel guilty if I let my child cry/ picked him up too much, took him out/ stayed in too much
There is always someone that is going to have different parenting ideas then you (mostly older generations who start with "in my day") and there is a lot of guilt heaped on new mothers, By the time we had DC2 I had perfected the "back the hell off look" grin

I feel sad the women do not support each other more really.
Thankfully through MN I knew people who could offer advice to my sister so not everyone is judgemental and guilt tripping but there is far too much of it out there

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